Bleh, I hate this time of year! Misspent youth, and terrible times around Christmas! When your 12 years old, and your father beats you up on Christmas eve because his car got bricked in by some kids who live up the road, it doesn't make Christmas much fun! Even this many years down the line! Especially with everything else going on! I havent posted recently, despite thinking about doing it constantly! Me and hayley had a fight last week, but its all sorted now, and i cant even remember what caused it! Anyway, things are all good now!
Still having stomach pains, and the Docs just arnt helping! today is really bad, and i slept for like 16 hours last night :s But i finally got my appointment for my endoscopy, three months late!
Doing well on WoW! Upto level 33 now, and love it! i really do think im addicted! Theres not much else to talk about really! Got half my Christmas shopping done, and not sure when i get paid next as my official pay date is Christmas day :S My nan and uncle Wayne have gone half's and brought me a decent printer for me, which is great. Its a massive box sat in my room atm, but im not allowed to use it yet :(
more later, as the Christmas Blues carry on!
And todays tunage is...... Age of Misrule - Filth Connoiseur
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Saturday, 28 November 2009
something, something, something...
In a bleh kind of mood today! i should be happy, it is mine and Hayley's 1 month anniversary, and that's great but i feel really down! Went to go see her instead of painting the living room like i was meant to, but that can wait til tomorrow, and seeing Hayley made me happy, which is a big change for me. Especially this time of year... not going into that! im bad enough at the moment without having to talk about any of that!
I dunno... Im just fed up with being ill, and the doctors not having a clue about what is wrong with me, not working, cos i do actually miss it! not going into town on saturdays, the shit money im getting from sick pay! its less then a third of my usual 4 week pay! which means, i still havent decorated my room, still havent brought that hard drive, still havent got any clothes that fit me properly... and above all, in the last 4 or 5 days, ive also gained a stone and a half!
my life totally sucks, and without Hayley, i dont know what i'd do! i proberly wouldnt be here if it wasnt for her! but shes starting to get clingy. Which isnt bad in itself, but when im like this and want time to myself, and have my nan on my back about the decorating and stuff, and shes hanging on to me because she doesnt want me to leave when im already half an hour late... and she kept me for another half an hour doing that, I just dont know! Yeah i love her, she means the world to me, but i dont want to get into another clingy relationship, every time its happened its destroyed the relationship. and im not even going to mention those, you all know the deal.
Anyway, some good news for a change! Im loving WoW, despite hayley despising me even mentioning it, let alone playing it. But my Undead Mage is upto lvl 18, and on the verge of going to lvl 19! cant wait to get to 20, so i can get a mount! my blood elf rogue is upto lvl 13, but having been playing much with here recently.
Ive also done some of my christmas shopping, which leaves me a lil strapped for cash this month, but oh well. I brought wig a digital photo frame, which i hope she likes! Brought Ali a revision book that she wanted, and got Robin some books for his allotment! still need to buy Hayley her present, a passion necklace made from pewter with red Swarkovski diamonds on it, and a purple dragon that lights up. not sure what im getting Wayne yet, or tina, but apart from that, its only small bits and pieces in getting, for stacey and andrea, lewis cat and chris, and a few friends.
Will see when i get paid, seeming as my next pay date is technically on christmas day. hehe
Good night all!
I dunno... Im just fed up with being ill, and the doctors not having a clue about what is wrong with me, not working, cos i do actually miss it! not going into town on saturdays, the shit money im getting from sick pay! its less then a third of my usual 4 week pay! which means, i still havent decorated my room, still havent brought that hard drive, still havent got any clothes that fit me properly... and above all, in the last 4 or 5 days, ive also gained a stone and a half!
my life totally sucks, and without Hayley, i dont know what i'd do! i proberly wouldnt be here if it wasnt for her! but shes starting to get clingy. Which isnt bad in itself, but when im like this and want time to myself, and have my nan on my back about the decorating and stuff, and shes hanging on to me because she doesnt want me to leave when im already half an hour late... and she kept me for another half an hour doing that, I just dont know! Yeah i love her, she means the world to me, but i dont want to get into another clingy relationship, every time its happened its destroyed the relationship. and im not even going to mention those, you all know the deal.
Anyway, some good news for a change! Im loving WoW, despite hayley despising me even mentioning it, let alone playing it. But my Undead Mage is upto lvl 18, and on the verge of going to lvl 19! cant wait to get to 20, so i can get a mount! my blood elf rogue is upto lvl 13, but having been playing much with here recently.
Ive also done some of my christmas shopping, which leaves me a lil strapped for cash this month, but oh well. I brought wig a digital photo frame, which i hope she likes! Brought Ali a revision book that she wanted, and got Robin some books for his allotment! still need to buy Hayley her present, a passion necklace made from pewter with red Swarkovski diamonds on it, and a purple dragon that lights up. not sure what im getting Wayne yet, or tina, but apart from that, its only small bits and pieces in getting, for stacey and andrea, lewis cat and chris, and a few friends.
Will see when i get paid, seeming as my next pay date is technically on christmas day. hehe
Good night all!
Saturday, 7 November 2009
happy times with alot of pain!
Where to start? I have a girlfriend! She makes me so damn happy! I love you Hayley! Will have been with her for two weeks this Tuesday! I also have, finally, gotten my PC working again, problem is, i kept some of my backup on the hard drive with all my anime, and in the process of loading windows, the boot sector got loaded onto the wrong hard drive, and now my anime collection and some important backups of my work have now gone :( That's 250Gb of anime! I was almost in tears! But I do now have Windows XP Professional Multimedia Centre Black Edition with SP3
Megan came round last Friday, and has gotten me hooked on World of Warcraft. Only been playing the free 10 day trial, but have brought the "Battlechest" edition from game, and used my points, so only cost me a fiver! It comes with the first game, the Burning Crusades expansion and strategy guides for both. Should arrive on Monday! Also been playing a lot of Brutal Legend. Its a great game, especially with Jack Black and Ozzy Osborne.
Now, about the pain... I went back to the doctors last Wednesday, and I have been put back onto the Tramadol, and also on two different antibiotics. The antibiotics are for a boil that has appeared on my stomach, and is actually causing me more pain then my stomach has been. I've spent the last few days in agony but today is the worst its ever been. The pain killers aren't touching it, and i don't know what to do. The slightest of movements has me crippled on the floor in pain. At least my blood tests were OK, and my doc is chasing up the results from my MRI and finding out about my colonoscopy for me! Apart from that, I've been signed off for yet another two weeks (I've already had 10 weeks off :S) and have another appointment in two weeks time.
Back to playing Wow with my level 7 Undead mage called Oranosis
Peace xxx
Megan came round last Friday, and has gotten me hooked on World of Warcraft. Only been playing the free 10 day trial, but have brought the "Battlechest" edition from game, and used my points, so only cost me a fiver! It comes with the first game, the Burning Crusades expansion and strategy guides for both. Should arrive on Monday! Also been playing a lot of Brutal Legend. Its a great game, especially with Jack Black and Ozzy Osborne.
Now, about the pain... I went back to the doctors last Wednesday, and I have been put back onto the Tramadol, and also on two different antibiotics. The antibiotics are for a boil that has appeared on my stomach, and is actually causing me more pain then my stomach has been. I've spent the last few days in agony but today is the worst its ever been. The pain killers aren't touching it, and i don't know what to do. The slightest of movements has me crippled on the floor in pain. At least my blood tests were OK, and my doc is chasing up the results from my MRI and finding out about my colonoscopy for me! Apart from that, I've been signed off for yet another two weeks (I've already had 10 weeks off :S) and have another appointment in two weeks time.
Back to playing Wow with my level 7 Undead mage called Oranosis
Peace xxx
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Stupid locum doctor!
Went to the doctors yesterday, for a number of reasons. But mainly because my sick note expires soon, I'm out of tramadol (one of my stronger painkillers) and new boils have appeared on my stomach. Problem is, I couldn't get an appointment with one of my usual doctors, and had to see a locum. Fine by me i though. A doctor is a doctor. But no! He not only started questioning me about things that have nothing to do with my illness, but also said that the pains weren't really there. right! I'm curled up in bed crying because of pains that don't exist! and with a high pain tolerance like mine, yeah, there's not really any pains! I've just been on some of the strongest pain killers, admitted to hospital twice, had my appendix removed, had an MRI and about to have a colonoscopy, because there's no pain! Not only that, he wouldn't give me any more tramadol, and almost didnt give me a sick note. Luckily he did give me a 2 week sick note, and i will be going back to see a normal doctor very very soon. I cant handle this pain I'm in! He also did nothing about the boil on my stomach, which i swear must be related to the other problems. The locum also started poking my stomach, which the other docs know hurts me, and he didnt go easy... and without telling me anything!
At least my blood results came back, and he did say they are all clear, which in one way is good, because there's no infection etc, but also bad, because it means there shouldn't be anything wrong with me, in which case, what the hell is causing this pain. Fuck knows whats going on!
Anyway... had good fun on sunday... a certain person came round to see me, and we had a lot of "fun" hehe... I wonder what will happen in the future. I like her, but after everything that's happened, i wonder how this one will turn out. Do i even want to try another realtionship at the moment? and how will this effect Charlotte? I know she likes me and i like her as well, just not enough to have a steady relationship! I will see. Also meant to be going down to see Kitty next monday, hopefully i will go, but not quite sure yet!
Will let ya know how things all go!
Peace xxx
At least my blood results came back, and he did say they are all clear, which in one way is good, because there's no infection etc, but also bad, because it means there shouldn't be anything wrong with me, in which case, what the hell is causing this pain. Fuck knows whats going on!
Anyway... had good fun on sunday... a certain person came round to see me, and we had a lot of "fun" hehe... I wonder what will happen in the future. I like her, but after everything that's happened, i wonder how this one will turn out. Do i even want to try another realtionship at the moment? and how will this effect Charlotte? I know she likes me and i like her as well, just not enough to have a steady relationship! I will see. Also meant to be going down to see Kitty next monday, hopefully i will go, but not quite sure yet!
Will let ya know how things all go!
Peace xxx
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
really...why?
Hey everyone...
I mean, no one. no one really reads this anyway, if they did they might care a bit more. I'm in a fed up, don't give a fuck type of mood at the moment. I'm still ill which is really pissing me off. I miss work! Anyway, I have absolutly fuck all to do. I've had enough of the xbox, got no films to watch, finished my book, and no one online to talk to. It's not even that late.
I ended up looking through my computer, and I really need to stop looking at certain photo's. It wouldn't be so bad if i could delete them, but the photographer inside me wont let me! And just now, i saw a photo online of a certain ex, and got me thinking, which isn't such a good idea in this state of mind. Elly is still jibing me about how much better Daniel is then me, which hurts, but I'm not gonna let it show! All the people in this world that i really care about are gone now. Everyone. Laura doesn't speak to me much anymore, Elly, well... that doesn't even need an explanation. But I'm still thinking about things as far back as Georgie, and Lauren keeps going through my mind. I've heard a few things, that set a few other things straight. Lets just say, her dumping me, and all that jazz, isn't a one off, it seems its in her nature to ruin relationships.
I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Everything in my life is so fucked up! At least i have one or two friends who still speak to me and visit me! Megan, Gemma and Emily. but everyone else? all those other people that i really cared about, all those people who have caused my life to be like this? well screw them!
Oh, Im also modding my xbox, photo's will be up soon on my facebook! anyway, im out
Peace xx
I mean, no one. no one really reads this anyway, if they did they might care a bit more. I'm in a fed up, don't give a fuck type of mood at the moment. I'm still ill which is really pissing me off. I miss work! Anyway, I have absolutly fuck all to do. I've had enough of the xbox, got no films to watch, finished my book, and no one online to talk to. It's not even that late.
I ended up looking through my computer, and I really need to stop looking at certain photo's. It wouldn't be so bad if i could delete them, but the photographer inside me wont let me! And just now, i saw a photo online of a certain ex, and got me thinking, which isn't such a good idea in this state of mind. Elly is still jibing me about how much better Daniel is then me, which hurts, but I'm not gonna let it show! All the people in this world that i really care about are gone now. Everyone. Laura doesn't speak to me much anymore, Elly, well... that doesn't even need an explanation. But I'm still thinking about things as far back as Georgie, and Lauren keeps going through my mind. I've heard a few things, that set a few other things straight. Lets just say, her dumping me, and all that jazz, isn't a one off, it seems its in her nature to ruin relationships.
I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Everything in my life is so fucked up! At least i have one or two friends who still speak to me and visit me! Megan, Gemma and Emily. but everyone else? all those other people that i really cared about, all those people who have caused my life to be like this? well screw them!
Oh, Im also modding my xbox, photo's will be up soon on my facebook! anyway, im out
Peace xx
Monday, 5 October 2009
close my eyes...
The meeting with Lauren never went to plan! i went into town to met her, and nothing, at all, she blanked me! Its a long complicated story after this, but basically, she said it was all a lie, and she wanted her boyfriend more then me. Her boyfriend started in on our facebook convo, and started asking for prove that Lauren said what she said, so i pasted all the messages she sent me! I don't care! I've now blocked / deleted her on msn, facebook etc! I was upset when all this happened, but i feel better now!
Charlotte is speaking to me again, she can never stay mad at someone for long! Which I'm happy about. Even if things don't go back to how they were, and even if we don't start dating, shes a good friend! I've also spoken to Alison! Yes, THAT Alison! the one from way back when... it was a good convo, we chatted about what happened, or at least, in part. It felt like we cleared the air. Anyway, I'm glad shes happy now, shes engaged and has a beautiful 3 year old daughter!
Not much else has happened recently. I finally got my bar equipment! yay! Completed Halo: ODST last night, its a good game, but the ending was a let down. I didn't feel the game was long enough. And you cant play online like you can in Halo 3. You can only play with friends! Oh, and the doctor signed me off work for another four weeks! I just wish they could find out whats wrong with me and sort it already! I'm missing work, and the money!
more later! Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Shinedown - 45 (acoustic)
Charlotte is speaking to me again, she can never stay mad at someone for long! Which I'm happy about. Even if things don't go back to how they were, and even if we don't start dating, shes a good friend! I've also spoken to Alison! Yes, THAT Alison! the one from way back when... it was a good convo, we chatted about what happened, or at least, in part. It felt like we cleared the air. Anyway, I'm glad shes happy now, shes engaged and has a beautiful 3 year old daughter!
Not much else has happened recently. I finally got my bar equipment! yay! Completed Halo: ODST last night, its a good game, but the ending was a let down. I didn't feel the game was long enough. And you cant play online like you can in Halo 3. You can only play with friends! Oh, and the doctor signed me off work for another four weeks! I just wish they could find out whats wrong with me and sort it already! I'm missing work, and the money!
more later! Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Shinedown - 45 (acoustic)
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
that time in your life...
In sat here, like I've been for the past few days, trying to find the right words to put down, how to express all these fucked up feelings i have at the moment, into actual words. The problem is, I cant do it, What I'm gonna write now doesn't equate to even 1% of my actual feelings, and emotions I've been having over the last few days.
OK, so we all know when / how Lauren Dumped me, and i mentioned a fling with Elly, it lasted a whole weekend, until she got back with Daniel, and to be honest, Yes I love her, but it would never work out, and I was probably just relapsing from the loss of Lauren, I don't really know. Things got really complicated between me and Elly, and I hurt her, and I'm sorry for what happened between us in the past, but I wont go into the full story... Its all written here anyway. I've also patched things up with Charlotte, or did, anyway. That's all gone south now as well, more on that later.
I'm gonna start with the whole Lauren thing right now. Yes, 3 weeks ago, she broke up with me, and it broke my heart, for her to say what she did, then start dating again so soon after? It tore me to pieces, I just didn't know what to do with myself. Believe it or not, that pain was worse then a bad day with my stomach pains. And then to see her telling her new boyfriend how she feels for him, using the exact lines she used on me. I was near on suicidal and was actually, seriously planning another disappearing trip, maybe not as long as the last one, i cant really afford to disappear for a year this time!
Thing is, I got home from hospital this morning (more on that after this) and fell to sleep, woke up, and decided to start moving, and came upstairs and went online, Emily asked me to unblock Lauren to speak to her, along with quite a few facebook messages saying shes sorry etc and wanting to talk. I actually cried while replying to one of her facebook messages. I then decided, OK I'll unblock her and chat. And we had a long discussion, and she told me how she made a terrible mistake, and was scared and that she loved me still. Now the thing is, I still love her, with all the pieces of my broken shattered heart, but is it enough to take her back? What happens if she gets "scared" again? And what about her boyfriend? She said she still loves him too, is this gonna end up like a Georgie thing? I want her back so damn much, but I've been heart broken one too many times already, and I dont think I could handle another one just quite yet. Do I risk it and gamble my emotional self, or try to move on? Ive had a few girlfriends in the past, and each one of them means something, in a different way to me. But really, for someone to come along and for me to fall in love with like this, it doesnt happen that often. Well, its happened three times... Alison, Laura and Elly. Lauren would be the forth, in the sense that she has actually taken my breath away, its too hard to explain in words. And I know some of my ex's will be reading this, and I loved them, in ways, and I wouldn't of changed the experiences Ive had for anything. But bleh...
Anyway in doing all this, i happened to mention it to Charlotte, and now she isnt speaking to me, because she wanted to patch things up with me and stuff. She says I used her and in a way, looking back on it, yeah, I can see how she would see that. But Lauren has costed me a friendship, and I know, friends should come before relationships, but Lauren means THAT much to me. I'm gonna meet Lauren tomorrow hopefully. Then I can speak to her, properly, and decide on what to do.
Now, hospital. Went in today, and no, it wasn't just a normal MRI scan. The stuck a tube in my nose, that went down my throat, into my stomach, and all the way to my lower intestine. It felt terrible, and I kept gagging. Anyway, the got the tube in, then inserted a metal rod into the tube to help direct it a bit, just to make sure it was in the right place, then after removing that, a chemical got pushed through the tube, into my lower intestines. They took a few x-rays, removed the tube, i waited ten minutes, they took some more, then I got a nice half hour break, told to drink water, then went back in and they took some more x-rays. all dreadfully boring, and I still feel like I have a tube at the back of my throat. Its a weird feeling. But yeah, the scans seemed fine, but will be analyzed, and I should know something in about 2 weeks.
Gonna try and get some sleep now, wanna wake up early, and phone the docs to get some more pain killers, and yet another sick note.
Peace xxx
OK, so we all know when / how Lauren Dumped me, and i mentioned a fling with Elly, it lasted a whole weekend, until she got back with Daniel, and to be honest, Yes I love her, but it would never work out, and I was probably just relapsing from the loss of Lauren, I don't really know. Things got really complicated between me and Elly, and I hurt her, and I'm sorry for what happened between us in the past, but I wont go into the full story... Its all written here anyway. I've also patched things up with Charlotte, or did, anyway. That's all gone south now as well, more on that later.
I'm gonna start with the whole Lauren thing right now. Yes, 3 weeks ago, she broke up with me, and it broke my heart, for her to say what she did, then start dating again so soon after? It tore me to pieces, I just didn't know what to do with myself. Believe it or not, that pain was worse then a bad day with my stomach pains. And then to see her telling her new boyfriend how she feels for him, using the exact lines she used on me. I was near on suicidal and was actually, seriously planning another disappearing trip, maybe not as long as the last one, i cant really afford to disappear for a year this time!
Thing is, I got home from hospital this morning (more on that after this) and fell to sleep, woke up, and decided to start moving, and came upstairs and went online, Emily asked me to unblock Lauren to speak to her, along with quite a few facebook messages saying shes sorry etc and wanting to talk. I actually cried while replying to one of her facebook messages. I then decided, OK I'll unblock her and chat. And we had a long discussion, and she told me how she made a terrible mistake, and was scared and that she loved me still. Now the thing is, I still love her, with all the pieces of my broken shattered heart, but is it enough to take her back? What happens if she gets "scared" again? And what about her boyfriend? She said she still loves him too, is this gonna end up like a Georgie thing? I want her back so damn much, but I've been heart broken one too many times already, and I dont think I could handle another one just quite yet. Do I risk it and gamble my emotional self, or try to move on? Ive had a few girlfriends in the past, and each one of them means something, in a different way to me. But really, for someone to come along and for me to fall in love with like this, it doesnt happen that often. Well, its happened three times... Alison, Laura and Elly. Lauren would be the forth, in the sense that she has actually taken my breath away, its too hard to explain in words. And I know some of my ex's will be reading this, and I loved them, in ways, and I wouldn't of changed the experiences Ive had for anything. But bleh...
Anyway in doing all this, i happened to mention it to Charlotte, and now she isnt speaking to me, because she wanted to patch things up with me and stuff. She says I used her and in a way, looking back on it, yeah, I can see how she would see that. But Lauren has costed me a friendship, and I know, friends should come before relationships, but Lauren means THAT much to me. I'm gonna meet Lauren tomorrow hopefully. Then I can speak to her, properly, and decide on what to do.
Now, hospital. Went in today, and no, it wasn't just a normal MRI scan. The stuck a tube in my nose, that went down my throat, into my stomach, and all the way to my lower intestine. It felt terrible, and I kept gagging. Anyway, the got the tube in, then inserted a metal rod into the tube to help direct it a bit, just to make sure it was in the right place, then after removing that, a chemical got pushed through the tube, into my lower intestines. They took a few x-rays, removed the tube, i waited ten minutes, they took some more, then I got a nice half hour break, told to drink water, then went back in and they took some more x-rays. all dreadfully boring, and I still feel like I have a tube at the back of my throat. Its a weird feeling. But yeah, the scans seemed fine, but will be analyzed, and I should know something in about 2 weeks.
Gonna try and get some sleep now, wanna wake up early, and phone the docs to get some more pain killers, and yet another sick note.
Peace xxx
Friday, 18 September 2009
well, how wonderful! we all know the doctors messed it up when they thought it was my appendix, well last tuesday i got rushed back into hospital, the pain was THAT bad. They still cant work out what is wrong with me. Had an ultrasound and everything looks ok. No ulcers, no fluid, kidneys are fine, gall bladder is fine, hernia is fine. They were talking about genetic diseases and mentioned Crohn's disease...
Anyway, released yesterday, with yet another month off work, and a battery of tests to go through. Cameras, MRI's and a dozen other scans... im hoping they can find out whats wrong with me! I cant stand this pain! and the tramadol they have given me doesn't work, it just makes me tired! At least in the hospital i was on morphine, and it knocked me out so i didn't feel the pain.
More later, when i figure out anything!
Peace xxx
Anyway, released yesterday, with yet another month off work, and a battery of tests to go through. Cameras, MRI's and a dozen other scans... im hoping they can find out whats wrong with me! I cant stand this pain! and the tramadol they have given me doesn't work, it just makes me tired! At least in the hospital i was on morphine, and it knocked me out so i didn't feel the pain.
More later, when i figure out anything!
Peace xxx
Friday, 11 September 2009
like it was before?
ok, so yesterday, Lauren broke up with me. Her excuse was that with college, and my work she would never have the time to see me, and to save all the heart ache, she would rather end it now. Ok so its kinda a pathetic excuse. but its over. I know know... im just confused at the moment, and Ive kinda hooked back up with one of my ex's. We arnt dating again, but things are back to how they were before... i think, i dont know, its all confusing. Im just gonna see how things go.
I dont really wanna rush anything at the moment. I wanna take my time and see how things go. Meeting this ex tomorrow, and going to emily's house warming party in the evening. So that will be fun.
I ended up going back to the doctor today, and have got some new meds that will hopefully help with the pains. Apparently they are just post op, it seems like when they operated on me, all the bumps and what not have messed around with my insides, and its just taking a lil longer then normal for everything to get back into place etc.
Back to work on tuesday, so hopefully im all better by then! ohh... ive also got the new guitar hero 5 game, it came out today!
Im off to bed now! so peace xxx
I dont really wanna rush anything at the moment. I wanna take my time and see how things go. Meeting this ex tomorrow, and going to emily's house warming party in the evening. So that will be fun.
I ended up going back to the doctor today, and have got some new meds that will hopefully help with the pains. Apparently they are just post op, it seems like when they operated on me, all the bumps and what not have messed around with my insides, and its just taking a lil longer then normal for everything to get back into place etc.
Back to work on tuesday, so hopefully im all better by then! ohh... ive also got the new guitar hero 5 game, it came out today!
Im off to bed now! so peace xxx
Thursday, 10 September 2009
feeling down
Bleh... where to start... I dont know why, but im feeling really down right now! nothings really happened to make me feel like this, so its stupid really. Ok, so everything is going on ok between me and lauren at the moment. Its been almost 2 months, and we've had our arguements, but i love her so damn much! I just been thinking back on old memories, and its depressing, so i really should stop, but i keep thinking what if this happened or what if that happened...
I also just found out a friend i like has got a new girlfriend, and im happy for them! but ive also come across some old emails from a certain person... not mentioning names... and the things we had, how it was between us, yet nothing happened... and i keep asking myself what if it did? everything is so confusing at the moment.
Id mention more but it would just make me think about it even more, and i dont want to! I want to be happy with lauren! but remembering the old times, ive had with girls that never actually turned into anything, and the things that could of happened, if i was still single right now... its hard to explain but i know what i mean! or at least i think i do!
I'm confused and depressed, and cant be bothered with this pathetic excuse of a life any more! i know, i know... i wont! but still... why cant everything be normal? Everyone seems so happy with their lifes, relationships and everything, then theres me who fucks everything up so easily. I just want to have a normal life.
anyway... going to the docs on friday, cos the pain from my op hasnt gone away, and it should have by now! meant to be back at work on tuesday! I also ordered some new bar stuff for myself, should arrive soon ish! that will cheer me up!
Peace xx
I also just found out a friend i like has got a new girlfriend, and im happy for them! but ive also come across some old emails from a certain person... not mentioning names... and the things we had, how it was between us, yet nothing happened... and i keep asking myself what if it did? everything is so confusing at the moment.
Id mention more but it would just make me think about it even more, and i dont want to! I want to be happy with lauren! but remembering the old times, ive had with girls that never actually turned into anything, and the things that could of happened, if i was still single right now... its hard to explain but i know what i mean! or at least i think i do!
I'm confused and depressed, and cant be bothered with this pathetic excuse of a life any more! i know, i know... i wont! but still... why cant everything be normal? Everyone seems so happy with their lifes, relationships and everything, then theres me who fucks everything up so easily. I just want to have a normal life.
anyway... going to the docs on friday, cos the pain from my op hasnt gone away, and it should have by now! meant to be back at work on tuesday! I also ordered some new bar stuff for myself, should arrive soon ish! that will cheer me up!
Peace xx
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
a hospital visit...
OK so Ive had an upset stomach for the past week, but on saturday I woke up with the runs, and was doubled up in pain, so i phoned work and told them i couldnt come in. Thinking i would be better, i left it at that. But Sunday morning came, and I was no better, my nan forced me to finally ring the doctors and I went down at 5pm and got looked over. By 7pm I was in hospital. Apparently it was my appendix, and monday morning I had an opperation to have it removed. I dont remember a thing about the op itself, as I was out cold, but it all went well from what i was told. And it was all done via keyhole surgery. So no major scars. Only problem now is that Im still doubled over in pain. Was on paracetamol, tramadol and morphene while i was in the hospital, and now im home they hae changed the morphene for Dicofenac. Of course Im still in alot of pain, been told to take 2 weeks off work, and Im not allowed to do any heavy lifting or staining. So Im laid on the sofa taking it easy!
A few minor problems, one, is my nan has tidied my bedroom, and gone through my top drawer! The one she says is always private and she would never look through! She's binned half a packet of my shortcake, a whole pack of bourbons and a £10 bag of cinnimon jelly beans which i cant buy here :( Im also gonna have a major paycut because of the sick pay! Going from £250 week to something like £60 a week is gonna be tough!
Anyway, for the good news, Im taking Lauren upto blackpool during half term, for a few days, she's never seen the lights and i havent seen them in years, so that will be fun, and I will get to see Demi since shes moved up that way, and me and Lauren get to spend some quality time alone, together!!! I really do love her to bits! and wish i could spend more time with her!
Gonna go let the tramadol knock me out again now, before dinner!
Peace xxx
A few minor problems, one, is my nan has tidied my bedroom, and gone through my top drawer! The one she says is always private and she would never look through! She's binned half a packet of my shortcake, a whole pack of bourbons and a £10 bag of cinnimon jelly beans which i cant buy here :( Im also gonna have a major paycut because of the sick pay! Going from £250 week to something like £60 a week is gonna be tough!
Anyway, for the good news, Im taking Lauren upto blackpool during half term, for a few days, she's never seen the lights and i havent seen them in years, so that will be fun, and I will get to see Demi since shes moved up that way, and me and Lauren get to spend some quality time alone, together!!! I really do love her to bits! and wish i could spend more time with her!
Gonna go let the tramadol knock me out again now, before dinner!
Peace xxx
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
anyone want a barman?
Work have decided to opt for a no smoking policy... me? no smoking? mwahahahahaha LIKE FUCK! can any of you see me going 5 hours without a cigarette? I get bad after 3 hours, let alone any longer! Today was terrible! 3 1/2 hours either side of my break today, and by 5:30 (half an hour before i finish) i was literally in a state! Talking to myself, pains in my stomach which i swear are withdrawal symptoms, and snapping at everyone. Especially Martina, who's being a bitch at the moment. Shes on her power trip cos she thinks shes in charge because Nathan is managing the pub in Banbury, and ok, yeah shes a supervisor, but it doesn't mean she can be the all controlling bitch she is. Even if shes rota'ed herself to do 5 AFD's in a row to cover Nathan, and she hasn't had that much sleep. Ive said i don't mind doing some, and I am signed off to do management shifts there. But no, she wont have it, she has to be the all-powerful one. Its getting so bad that we have run out of stock because she hasn't ordered it, she told me we ran out of ketchup, and yet I find a box in the cupboard, Shes moaning left right and centre because she didn't get her one hour break this morning, yet when i told her i didn't get mine last week, she told me its tough and all part of being a manager. Well screw her! I even had Cassie ask me when Nathans going to be back to managing the pub because theres a few members of staff getting pissed off with her. Well... Rant over.
Been with Lauren over 6 weeks now, and its great! I love her to bits, even if she thinks i don't, and she believes that I will leave her. Well I'm not going to. She makes me so god damn happy. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm planning on going upto Blackpool with her during half term, to see the lights, and to visit Demi, as shes moved up that way with her new boyfriend AJ.
There isn't really much more to talk about! I'm enjoying my new 26 inch High Def Flat Screen TV come computer monitor! Great for my Xbox and watching films on!
More later, as it happens!
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... earshot - Someone
Been with Lauren over 6 weeks now, and its great! I love her to bits, even if she thinks i don't, and she believes that I will leave her. Well I'm not going to. She makes me so god damn happy. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm planning on going upto Blackpool with her during half term, to see the lights, and to visit Demi, as shes moved up that way with her new boyfriend AJ.
There isn't really much more to talk about! I'm enjoying my new 26 inch High Def Flat Screen TV come computer monitor! Great for my Xbox and watching films on!
More later, as it happens!
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... earshot - Someone
Monday, 10 August 2009
all that lovey dovey stuff....
Lauren asked me yesterday if i loved any of my exs more then i love her at the moment, and im not about to lie to her and told her i did! In a sense its true, I love Laura more then anything, including Lauren (at least for now) in this world! I know what this is starting to sound like, saying you love you ex more then your current girlfriend, but me and laura did go through alot, and Im not about to throw all that away and forget about it. It was a different type of love between me and laura, and i know your reading this lauren, so no tears please, im writing this so you understand it better. This is all too had to actually put into words and speak about...
What me and laura had was magical, but the defining word there is "WAS". What we had will never ever happen again, even between me and lauren. I mean, laura is the one who i lost my virginity with, she was there for me in some very hard times, and she helped me make me who i am. Along with the pregnancy and the miscarrage, It made it something. That sort of love is totally different to the sort of love that me and lauren have. For me at least, the love i have for lauren is more like, heart taken away, and given to her.... rather then the she helped me, we loved and lost together type of love that me and laura had.
In some ways i do love lauren more then i loved laura, like the way i can just sit there and look at lauren, despite her not liking it, hehe... and the way lauren hugs me, and kisses me, etc... me and laura didnt have that, well... not for the entirity of our relationship. Its two totally diferent types of love, and trying to say which one is more or less powerful is hard for me to do.
I hope this explains everything for lauren, and its helped me clear my head a bit!
In other news, we did the deep clean at work last night, got home around 5am this morning, and im about to go to work to do my "management" shift, whereby im gonna sit on my ass, and mess around on my laptop while i let the others get on with it! hehehehe
Will write soon!
Peace
What me and laura had was magical, but the defining word there is "WAS". What we had will never ever happen again, even between me and lauren. I mean, laura is the one who i lost my virginity with, she was there for me in some very hard times, and she helped me make me who i am. Along with the pregnancy and the miscarrage, It made it something. That sort of love is totally different to the sort of love that me and lauren have. For me at least, the love i have for lauren is more like, heart taken away, and given to her.... rather then the she helped me, we loved and lost together type of love that me and laura had.
In some ways i do love lauren more then i loved laura, like the way i can just sit there and look at lauren, despite her not liking it, hehe... and the way lauren hugs me, and kisses me, etc... me and laura didnt have that, well... not for the entirity of our relationship. Its two totally diferent types of love, and trying to say which one is more or less powerful is hard for me to do.
I hope this explains everything for lauren, and its helped me clear my head a bit!
In other news, we did the deep clean at work last night, got home around 5am this morning, and im about to go to work to do my "management" shift, whereby im gonna sit on my ass, and mess around on my laptop while i let the others get on with it! hehehehe
Will write soon!
Peace
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Yay...
So... on i continue, Laid in bed with lauren next to me! Happy as larry! Work actually gave me a saturday off as well! so all is good!
Yeah, its been a while since my last post... almost a month, but not much has really changed! Thursday will be Lauren and mine's one month aniversary... no, im not mentioning anything else... lmfao :p
work wise, Ive also had the "official" notice that Ive been accepted for the management training. And on sunday evening we are finally deep cleaning the kitchen! Its about fucking time!
More about Lauren... I know shes reading this... hahaha... I love her more then ever.. I really do believe that i will be with her for the rest of my life!
Also had my first full pay check from work! even though im still on emergancy tax, its was a decent amount, and i was able to fork out £250 for my new 26" HD tv / computer monitor. will let you know how good it actually is after delivery on tuesday!!!
Even more about Lauren... I FUCKING LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!
Peace!
Yeah, its been a while since my last post... almost a month, but not much has really changed! Thursday will be Lauren and mine's one month aniversary... no, im not mentioning anything else... lmfao :p
work wise, Ive also had the "official" notice that Ive been accepted for the management training. And on sunday evening we are finally deep cleaning the kitchen! Its about fucking time!
More about Lauren... I know shes reading this... hahaha... I love her more then ever.. I really do believe that i will be with her for the rest of my life!
Also had my first full pay check from work! even though im still on emergancy tax, its was a decent amount, and i was able to fork out £250 for my new 26" HD tv / computer monitor. will let you know how good it actually is after delivery on tuesday!!!
Even more about Lauren... I FUCKING LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!
Peace!
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
not single!
okok... shush, all of you!
Yes, today is my 25th birthday, and yes i know im even older, even though im old anyway! and no Elly, im not 90 years old today! I dont really care! theres only one important thing about today, and its not me getting older!
Its me being able to say i have the cutest, most beautiful, funny, caring girlfriend in the world! Lauren! hehe! I havent known her that long, and for me to move this quickly into a relationship is saying something! But its magical! its hard to explain in words, but its like all my depression, pains, and torment just disappear when im near her! just looking at her puts a smile on my face, and i havent been this happy in such a long time! The way she cuddles me, resting her head on my chest, her eyes looking up at me with that smile of hers... just makes me melt! and just after we kiss, she has this lil grin on her face and her eyes brighten slightly... its so god damn cute! Then theres the way she tries to tickle me, without me knowing, and she giggles, and oh my fucking god... lol
Im gonna shut up now! Ive had my two days off work, yesterday, i went for a meal with megan, ali and ben, in Rosie's, and i was quite impressed! it wasnt actually that bad! me and megan spent most of it discussing the food, and our pub! lmfao
and today ive spent all day with lauren! lol For some reason, i think theres gonna be alot of posts about her... lol... gonna go bed now! doing two AFD's in a row tomorrow and wednesday!
Peace...
Love you Lauren! xxxxx
Yes, today is my 25th birthday, and yes i know im even older, even though im old anyway! and no Elly, im not 90 years old today! I dont really care! theres only one important thing about today, and its not me getting older!
Its me being able to say i have the cutest, most beautiful, funny, caring girlfriend in the world! Lauren! hehe! I havent known her that long, and for me to move this quickly into a relationship is saying something! But its magical! its hard to explain in words, but its like all my depression, pains, and torment just disappear when im near her! just looking at her puts a smile on my face, and i havent been this happy in such a long time! The way she cuddles me, resting her head on my chest, her eyes looking up at me with that smile of hers... just makes me melt! and just after we kiss, she has this lil grin on her face and her eyes brighten slightly... its so god damn cute! Then theres the way she tries to tickle me, without me knowing, and she giggles, and oh my fucking god... lol
Im gonna shut up now! Ive had my two days off work, yesterday, i went for a meal with megan, ali and ben, in Rosie's, and i was quite impressed! it wasnt actually that bad! me and megan spent most of it discussing the food, and our pub! lmfao
and today ive spent all day with lauren! lol For some reason, i think theres gonna be alot of posts about her... lol... gonna go bed now! doing two AFD's in a row tomorrow and wednesday!
Peace...
Love you Lauren! xxxxx
Thursday, 25 June 2009
just a quicky!
Just a quick post today! Work is going better then expected! I was shown, yesterday, how to open up, and do the stock takes! and all on my third day! Got today off, so i've spent the morning cleaning my room etc. Going to the farm to pick up food for tina's wedding on saturday! then I have Panda coming round. Not a bad day all in all. I miss my special girl, but hoping to see her saturday or sunday! Im still not sure if I should go out with her or not1 with the age gap, and the reaction of my friends, family, her friends and family etc, will it work? I suppose i already know the answer to that one! After dating younger girls in the past, and it never ever working, will this one really work? yeah i know theres always exceptions to the rules, and shes "legal" so why should it matter? but shes not about to tell her family, and theres not a chance in hell that im about to tell wig! So yeah, i dont know :S
I do like her, but im not sure if i like her enough. There are other girls out there that have caught my eye, and they are closer to my age as well! and what with working 50 hours a week now, its not like i have the time to settle down into a relationship! Im just gonna see how things go! but anyway... Work is fun, i like it, and Nathan, the manager, seems like a nice guy!
so all in all, im good! hehe, despite having no money, or coke, or cigarettes!
Peace xxx
I do like her, but im not sure if i like her enough. There are other girls out there that have caught my eye, and they are closer to my age as well! and what with working 50 hours a week now, its not like i have the time to settle down into a relationship! Im just gonna see how things go! but anyway... Work is fun, i like it, and Nathan, the manager, seems like a nice guy!
so all in all, im good! hehe, despite having no money, or coke, or cigarettes!
Peace xxx
Saturday, 20 June 2009
I dont understand people!
Thursday I met up with Rahim, and we went to the Britannia, the pub im meant to be getting a job at, thanks to rahim! Met Nathan, the new general manager, and he seems like a nice guy, and he wants me to start on monday at 11am!
Today wasn't that bad! Woke up at a resonable time, went into town, and met demi and hayley and J...and others.... Went to buy a pair of slacks for work, traded some games in, and went to Rosie's... which is now called the Dukes Cut. Met James, and had a look around. Im very impressed wth it, the final look of it all is so much improved to how it used to be! Went back at 3pm and met ron and cath there, and had a nice long chat!
I then met up with the guys again, and was convinced by demi to come to jam jam's for lotta's birthday party! So I rang my nan and told her i was going to be late etc and walked to blackbird leys with demi and hayley. At this point i should mention that theres a thing going on between demi and churchy. Nothing has happened, but she keeps going on about how much she likes him, and he lkes her as well, and churchy and gizmo may not last that much longer! and gizmo needs to speak to churchy about something important that happened at download, and everyone thinks that she cheated on churchy. anyway...
Later on at the party, finn dom and demi disappear, and when they show their faces, they are going back out with each other :S so god knows whats going on with her, and if churchy dumps gizmo for demi then fnds out that demi is back with dom, its really gonna hurt him! Kayleigh was also there, and even though she knows i love her so much, and shes going out with jo, she spent most of the night making out with panda! so much so, that when i said good bye and panda asked for his good bye hug, kayleigh just blanked me and went back to kissing him! which pissed me off even more! J is also now going out with nick, and yeah i like her, but im not that fused about it! Amber is also now with Paul, and not that paul is rubbing it in my face, but amber is certainly having a good go at it! She always leaves if shes in the same room as me, and if pauls there and she see's me, she grabs him and kisses him in front of me! i just dont understand people any more, its like, am i the only person left in the saturday group with any sense of morals?
I just feel depressed now, but at least i got a "friend" to cheer me up! hehe... i wouldnt say im madly in love with her, i wouldnt want to even think about my motions at the moment! What with still being in love with elly, missing laura, yet having feelings for this "friend" and not knowing what to do about it! Im going to sleep on it, and think things through! its al so damn confusing!
And todays tunage is...... skillet - will you be there
Today wasn't that bad! Woke up at a resonable time, went into town, and met demi and hayley and J...and others.... Went to buy a pair of slacks for work, traded some games in, and went to Rosie's... which is now called the Dukes Cut. Met James, and had a look around. Im very impressed wth it, the final look of it all is so much improved to how it used to be! Went back at 3pm and met ron and cath there, and had a nice long chat!
I then met up with the guys again, and was convinced by demi to come to jam jam's for lotta's birthday party! So I rang my nan and told her i was going to be late etc and walked to blackbird leys with demi and hayley. At this point i should mention that theres a thing going on between demi and churchy. Nothing has happened, but she keeps going on about how much she likes him, and he lkes her as well, and churchy and gizmo may not last that much longer! and gizmo needs to speak to churchy about something important that happened at download, and everyone thinks that she cheated on churchy. anyway...
Later on at the party, finn dom and demi disappear, and when they show their faces, they are going back out with each other :S so god knows whats going on with her, and if churchy dumps gizmo for demi then fnds out that demi is back with dom, its really gonna hurt him! Kayleigh was also there, and even though she knows i love her so much, and shes going out with jo, she spent most of the night making out with panda! so much so, that when i said good bye and panda asked for his good bye hug, kayleigh just blanked me and went back to kissing him! which pissed me off even more! J is also now going out with nick, and yeah i like her, but im not that fused about it! Amber is also now with Paul, and not that paul is rubbing it in my face, but amber is certainly having a good go at it! She always leaves if shes in the same room as me, and if pauls there and she see's me, she grabs him and kisses him in front of me! i just dont understand people any more, its like, am i the only person left in the saturday group with any sense of morals?
I just feel depressed now, but at least i got a "friend" to cheer me up! hehe... i wouldnt say im madly in love with her, i wouldnt want to even think about my motions at the moment! What with still being in love with elly, missing laura, yet having feelings for this "friend" and not knowing what to do about it! Im going to sleep on it, and think things through! its al so damn confusing!
And todays tunage is...... skillet - will you be there
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
the epicness of download
FUCKING EPIC! thats all there is to it really! A whole 5 days away from home, away from Oxford, and all the troubles that come with it! not only were the bands amazing, it also gave me alot of time to think about things, and I dont usually have time for that! I basically followed my timeline for gigs, saw a few other bands as well, but missed Trivium and def leppard on the sunday evening.
The main highlight though was watching Shinedown. They sung 45, and i literally cried! I know i know... Its one of my all time favourite songs, and it was so amazing! Other highlights of the weekend were seeing staind, this city, fall from grace, slipknot, and papa roach. Brought a wallet, mug, hoodie and bandana as momento's as well! Also got a really good tan, which is a supprise for me! lol I usually keep a slight tan all year round, but this is a proper full blown tan!
Didnt end up camping with the guys, and apart from wednesday and friday I didnt really see kayleigh, nick, woodzy, gizmo, bethany, dom etc. Will post pics when i get a chance to facebook, bebo, myspaz etc. Camped with some really cool people, Bea, Steph, McKenna, Jamie, Welshy, Scottish... and a few who i cant remember. Also spending 5 days camping with ALi was fun, despite waking up at 2am to walk her to the toilets lol. Which i dont really mind, she seemed to think she was annoying me, and she totally wasnt, I wouldnt of chosen to spend the week with anyone else!
As to the "Ali" thing, Nothing happened! And yeah, I wont deny the temptation wasnt there, cos it was, but i didnt let anything happen, and i was a good boy! lol! But spending all that time with her, and the chats we had, especially the one about elly... It really did start me thinking why I even ended it with Elly. I still love her, more then anything, and yeah it hasnt stopped me from seeing other girls, but i always end up comparing them to Elly. Damn me for having fucked up emotions! I just wish everything was easier to cope with! Enough of that, not going to dwell on the past. Whats happened has happened!
Tomorrow Ive got my first dentist appointment in 9/10 years, so that will be interesting, and also need to ring up about that job at the Britannia, as I still havent heard from them yet! And I really need to start working, as I havent got a penny to my name! Im also out of cigarettes, and actually smoking roll ups atm! ehhhhh nasty things!
Nothing else to report really, life sucks as per usual, but at least im trying to have some fun while its so bad! Peace
And todays tunage is...... Shinedown - 45
The main highlight though was watching Shinedown. They sung 45, and i literally cried! I know i know... Its one of my all time favourite songs, and it was so amazing! Other highlights of the weekend were seeing staind, this city, fall from grace, slipknot, and papa roach. Brought a wallet, mug, hoodie and bandana as momento's as well! Also got a really good tan, which is a supprise for me! lol I usually keep a slight tan all year round, but this is a proper full blown tan!
Didnt end up camping with the guys, and apart from wednesday and friday I didnt really see kayleigh, nick, woodzy, gizmo, bethany, dom etc. Will post pics when i get a chance to facebook, bebo, myspaz etc. Camped with some really cool people, Bea, Steph, McKenna, Jamie, Welshy, Scottish... and a few who i cant remember. Also spending 5 days camping with ALi was fun, despite waking up at 2am to walk her to the toilets lol. Which i dont really mind, she seemed to think she was annoying me, and she totally wasnt, I wouldnt of chosen to spend the week with anyone else!
As to the "Ali" thing, Nothing happened! And yeah, I wont deny the temptation wasnt there, cos it was, but i didnt let anything happen, and i was a good boy! lol! But spending all that time with her, and the chats we had, especially the one about elly... It really did start me thinking why I even ended it with Elly. I still love her, more then anything, and yeah it hasnt stopped me from seeing other girls, but i always end up comparing them to Elly. Damn me for having fucked up emotions! I just wish everything was easier to cope with! Enough of that, not going to dwell on the past. Whats happened has happened!
Tomorrow Ive got my first dentist appointment in 9/10 years, so that will be interesting, and also need to ring up about that job at the Britannia, as I still havent heard from them yet! And I really need to start working, as I havent got a penny to my name! Im also out of cigarettes, and actually smoking roll ups atm! ehhhhh nasty things!
Nothing else to report really, life sucks as per usual, but at least im trying to have some fun while its so bad! Peace
And todays tunage is...... Shinedown - 45
Monday, 8 June 2009
download fest!!!!
Really cant wiat until Wednesday when i go to download! 5 whole days of muddy, metal headed camping! Im actually hoping the weather will be somewhat better then the last few days! But who cares, its five days away from home, and theres quite a few friends going! Me and Ali are sharing a tent, which may seem somewhat dangerous, especially after what happened when we went to Birmingham, but i promise to behave myself, at least, to a certain extent! We also have big Dom, Nick, Woodzy, Kayleigh & Jo, Liv and Gizmo are all going, with the possibility of a few others who I have forgotten. All in all, it will be alot of fun! We all (for the most part) are planning on camping all together, and Nick is bringing a gazebo which i plan to put up in the middle of all our tents. If i have my way, I will also be doing a bbq for everyone on the wednesday evening after all the tents are pitched etc. Still need to buy food and alcohol for it tho, but going to the base on tuesday, so will hopefully get wig to buy the stuff i need! Will also need spending money, but i will cope!
They have finally put the times onto the line up list, and have, with some expected changes, written up my preferred line up as to who i want to see...
friday
In this moment 13:45-14:10 2nd Stage
Staind 14:40-15:15 Main
Killswitch Engage 16:35-17-15 Main
Bring me the horizon 17:00-17:35 2nd Stage
limp bizkit 17:45-18:45 Main
korn 19:15-20:30 Main
Motley Crue 20:35-21:45 2nd Stage
Saturday
Static-X 15:25-16:05 2nd Stage
Dragonforce 16:20-17:10 Main
You me at six 17:40-18:30 2nd Stage
This city 20:30-21:00 Bedroom Jam
Slipknot 21:05-22:50 Main
Sunday
Fall from grace 11:00-11:25 Bedroom Jam
Black Stone Cherry 13:25-14:05 Main
Journey 14:30-15:10 Main
Dream Theater 15:35-16:25 Main
Shinedown 16:40-17:10 2nd Stage
zz top 16:55-18:05 Main
Whitesnake 18:35-20:05 Main
Papa Roach 19:20-20:05 2nd Stage
Trivium 20:35-21:45 2nd Stage
Def Leppard 20:45-22:30 Main
Saturday seems like its going to be a fairly quiet day, quiet being the wrong word going to a big metal festival with loud music and such, but you get the drift. Sunday will be drastic, theres quite a few bands that overlap with timing etc and im still in two minds as to which ones to see.
This is the biggest highlight of my life, honestly, I havent been this anxious about anything this big. It really will be epic! Its also my first big festival.
In other news, I still havent heard back from the Britannia about the job. Ive heard, via Rahim, the the area manager has said yes to me having the job, but I suppose they are waiting for the new general manager to start on the 16th before getting me in. They also know that I have Download booked as a holiday, so proberly dont want me to start, work 2 days then take a week off on holiday, to come back to new management etc. Will give them a ring if i havent heard anything by the time I get back!
I'm also monitorless... (i just invented that word, shut up) thats right, my nice big 21 inch widescreen went bye bye and to the electro heaven. It recignizes that my computer gets turned on, and comes out of stand by, but the screen stays black. Maybe its cos throughout the 3 or 4 years that ive owned it, its only spent about a week actually turned off! Been looking around at prices and stuff, and can get a nice 26 inch for about £150 so maybe its time to start hinting at birthday presents etc.
in other random new, nothing much else is really going on. Im missing the last "friday gathering" at beths, as they are moving out on the 16th. That seems to be a really busy date. Will pop round when i get back from download just to say goodbye to everyone, but they are still staying in oxford, so its not really goodbye. Im still single, got two girls who want to go out with me, and we all know what im like for making my mind up on something. I like them both, and dont know what to do! One of them isnt pushing it, but the other keeps asking me out, and I've said no, at least, in the respect that i wont date anyone until after download but i cant keep saying no, and making up excuses, i need to sort something out. Been watching a ton of anime again, and downloading quite a bit. hehehe... Thats it for now, proberly wont post again til after download, so keep tuned kiddies!
Peace xxx
They have finally put the times onto the line up list, and have, with some expected changes, written up my preferred line up as to who i want to see...
friday
In this moment 13:45-14:10 2nd Stage
Staind 14:40-15:15 Main
Killswitch Engage 16:35-17-15 Main
Bring me the horizon 17:00-17:35 2nd Stage
limp bizkit 17:45-18:45 Main
korn 19:15-20:30 Main
Motley Crue 20:35-21:45 2nd Stage
Saturday
Static-X 15:25-16:05 2nd Stage
Dragonforce 16:20-17:10 Main
You me at six 17:40-18:30 2nd Stage
This city 20:30-21:00 Bedroom Jam
Slipknot 21:05-22:50 Main
Sunday
Fall from grace 11:00-11:25 Bedroom Jam
Black Stone Cherry 13:25-14:05 Main
Journey 14:30-15:10 Main
Dream Theater 15:35-16:25 Main
Shinedown 16:40-17:10 2nd Stage
zz top 16:55-18:05 Main
Whitesnake 18:35-20:05 Main
Papa Roach 19:20-20:05 2nd Stage
Trivium 20:35-21:45 2nd Stage
Def Leppard 20:45-22:30 Main
Saturday seems like its going to be a fairly quiet day, quiet being the wrong word going to a big metal festival with loud music and such, but you get the drift. Sunday will be drastic, theres quite a few bands that overlap with timing etc and im still in two minds as to which ones to see.
This is the biggest highlight of my life, honestly, I havent been this anxious about anything this big. It really will be epic! Its also my first big festival.
In other news, I still havent heard back from the Britannia about the job. Ive heard, via Rahim, the the area manager has said yes to me having the job, but I suppose they are waiting for the new general manager to start on the 16th before getting me in. They also know that I have Download booked as a holiday, so proberly dont want me to start, work 2 days then take a week off on holiday, to come back to new management etc. Will give them a ring if i havent heard anything by the time I get back!
I'm also monitorless... (i just invented that word, shut up) thats right, my nice big 21 inch widescreen went bye bye and to the electro heaven. It recignizes that my computer gets turned on, and comes out of stand by, but the screen stays black. Maybe its cos throughout the 3 or 4 years that ive owned it, its only spent about a week actually turned off! Been looking around at prices and stuff, and can get a nice 26 inch for about £150 so maybe its time to start hinting at birthday presents etc.
in other random new, nothing much else is really going on. Im missing the last "friday gathering" at beths, as they are moving out on the 16th. That seems to be a really busy date. Will pop round when i get back from download just to say goodbye to everyone, but they are still staying in oxford, so its not really goodbye. Im still single, got two girls who want to go out with me, and we all know what im like for making my mind up on something. I like them both, and dont know what to do! One of them isnt pushing it, but the other keeps asking me out, and I've said no, at least, in the respect that i wont date anyone until after download but i cant keep saying no, and making up excuses, i need to sort something out. Been watching a ton of anime again, and downloading quite a bit. hehehe... Thats it for now, proberly wont post again til after download, so keep tuned kiddies!
Peace xxx
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
this and that
Lots of stuff has happened recently so I will start from the beginning! The closing down party was good fun, although it wasnt very busy! Saw Imogen which was good fun! Everyone convinced me to go out after the pub closed, and Imogen was going so i didnt say no... lol... Had way too much to drink, and ended up going to Imogen's, with Ron and Andy. From that moment on, things get hazy. I remember sitting down on her sofa and thats about it! apparently I threw up in her living room, and i mean properly, sprayed Ron, Imogen's housemates laptop, and the living room, I kinda remember being carried outside to a taxi and me noticing it was daylight outside, and the next thing i remember is waking up in the pub, 10am on Sunday morning!
Ive apologized to Imogen, and I really am sorry! I never drink that much, and I dont know why I did it! It doesnt make a good impression when you're trying to pull! lol! Anyway, Did an AFD on sunday, sold the last of the beer, and sold a load of the pub stuff. Then went in on monday to help pack up the bar etc for the refurb. At the end of Monday James finally shows his face and asks to see me in his office for a word. Im thinking its to do with working over the refurb, was I in for a surprise.
James has fired me without actually saying I'm fired! Basically, he's got no work for me during the 4 weeks of the refurb, and when the pub reopens he doesn't think i will "fit in" with his new image he's trying to create! What a load of bull shit! How does he think i wont fit in, when he doesnt even know what its gonna be like when its re-opened. Anyway, Got paid the friday after for the work ive done plus holiday pay and one extra week. Its not as much as I was expecting, but it was a nice pay slip!
That Saturday, I brought a new I-Pod touch, and paid off Megan for my guitar and amp. Brought the essentials etc, and I've basically spent all my money... But I should hear back about a job at the Britannia in Headington by tomorrow, with thanks to Rahim. He's friends with the area manager and put me in touch with Tony, the general manager of the pub. Its got real career prospects, and hopefully I can make assistant manager within 2 or 3 months. We will see.
Been spending some time with a certain someone, not mentioning names. But its been fun, and will hopefully remain being fun! hehe.
My only other problem at the moment is finding something to do to entertain myself, Im finding everything and everyone boring at the moment, and if i really think about it, this is usually the first sign of my depression, but im not depressed :S Dont know what to make of it! Hopefully it will all sort itself out! Lets just see... Got download soon, cant wait for that, but still need to buy a tent and stuff!!!!
More later!
And todays tunage is...... Angels & Airwaves - Call to arms
Ive apologized to Imogen, and I really am sorry! I never drink that much, and I dont know why I did it! It doesnt make a good impression when you're trying to pull! lol! Anyway, Did an AFD on sunday, sold the last of the beer, and sold a load of the pub stuff. Then went in on monday to help pack up the bar etc for the refurb. At the end of Monday James finally shows his face and asks to see me in his office for a word. Im thinking its to do with working over the refurb, was I in for a surprise.
James has fired me without actually saying I'm fired! Basically, he's got no work for me during the 4 weeks of the refurb, and when the pub reopens he doesn't think i will "fit in" with his new image he's trying to create! What a load of bull shit! How does he think i wont fit in, when he doesnt even know what its gonna be like when its re-opened. Anyway, Got paid the friday after for the work ive done plus holiday pay and one extra week. Its not as much as I was expecting, but it was a nice pay slip!
That Saturday, I brought a new I-Pod touch, and paid off Megan for my guitar and amp. Brought the essentials etc, and I've basically spent all my money... But I should hear back about a job at the Britannia in Headington by tomorrow, with thanks to Rahim. He's friends with the area manager and put me in touch with Tony, the general manager of the pub. Its got real career prospects, and hopefully I can make assistant manager within 2 or 3 months. We will see.
Been spending some time with a certain someone, not mentioning names. But its been fun, and will hopefully remain being fun! hehe.
My only other problem at the moment is finding something to do to entertain myself, Im finding everything and everyone boring at the moment, and if i really think about it, this is usually the first sign of my depression, but im not depressed :S Dont know what to make of it! Hopefully it will all sort itself out! Lets just see... Got download soon, cant wait for that, but still need to buy a tent and stuff!!!!
More later!
And todays tunage is...... Angels & Airwaves - Call to arms
Thursday, 14 May 2009
fucked it up... big time!
a few things to mention! Last Sunday I finally got my tattoo... after sitting on the design for the past 7 years, its on my upper right arm! pictures are on my myspace, bebo, and facebook!
I totally fucked things up tonight! James and Alex (James is an ex barman from across the road (kukui) and Alex is a bar back) came into the pub with a cute girl (Steph) yesterday, and I really like Steph, tonight, Alex and Steph both came back in for a few drinks before work, and invited me, Jen, Hannah and Daniel over... so we went over, and Alex pointed out the girl she liked to me, so i jokingly said I would go to speak to her for her. Alex then started shouting at me, telling me not to, and I put an ice cube down her top... This is where it all blows out of proportion and Ive now been accused of trying to expose Alex. I'm sorry, shes a friend, and I would never ever do that to her! It also means that its ruined my chances of getting with Steph as well! Im just hoping I get a chance to appologise, and make things right!
Not much else to say... my tattoo stings! Pub closes on Saturday, which is good! Already got the tap bar stripped of things etc!
Will write later, after the closing down party on saturday!
Peace xxx
I totally fucked things up tonight! James and Alex (James is an ex barman from across the road (kukui) and Alex is a bar back) came into the pub with a cute girl (Steph) yesterday, and I really like Steph, tonight, Alex and Steph both came back in for a few drinks before work, and invited me, Jen, Hannah and Daniel over... so we went over, and Alex pointed out the girl she liked to me, so i jokingly said I would go to speak to her for her. Alex then started shouting at me, telling me not to, and I put an ice cube down her top... This is where it all blows out of proportion and Ive now been accused of trying to expose Alex. I'm sorry, shes a friend, and I would never ever do that to her! It also means that its ruined my chances of getting with Steph as well! Im just hoping I get a chance to appologise, and make things right!
Not much else to say... my tattoo stings! Pub closes on Saturday, which is good! Already got the tap bar stripped of things etc!
Will write later, after the closing down party on saturday!
Peace xxx
Friday, 1 May 2009
refurb
Finally gotten the date of closing for the pub! 18th May! Considering we were originally going to close the day after St Patricks Day (17th March) two months later its finally happening. Should, if all things go to plan, be closed for about 4 weeks, and open again around the 16th June, which is when i have my week and a half off for download festival! The weekend we are meant to be closing is also Truck festival, which James is working, so not sure how hes going to manage the festival and the closing of the pub on the same weekend, dont think he's thought about it though. Will have to mention it to him tomorrow at work!
In other news, well... there really isnt any other news! im still scraping by, life flying past my window as I watch it all wither away in front of me. Did go to the cinema with Kayleigh to see the new Xmen film, which, by the way, is utterly fantastic!
More later!
Peace xxx
In other news, well... there really isnt any other news! im still scraping by, life flying past my window as I watch it all wither away in front of me. Did go to the cinema with Kayleigh to see the new Xmen film, which, by the way, is utterly fantastic!
More later!
Peace xxx
Sunday, 26 April 2009
fuck life...single again..
Yesterday had the perfect start to a day, I didnt have work til 5pm, I woke up early, and I actually felt happy with myself, which was all down to going out with Amber, she really made me feel whole, and for the first time in ages I felt like my broken shattered remnants of a heart were starting to mend. Went into town as usual, met everyone, and was sat on bonn square, amber sat in front of me, cuddling and it was bliss. But this is where it all goes tits up.
My brother, lewis came and dragged amber away to talk to her, fine i thought, then he came and dragged tasha, Ambers best mate, away... five minutes later lewis comes running over and tries gripping me up, pulling me up from my seat and starts shouting about how i should stop dating younger girls and start going out with people my own age. Im sorry... whos the dickhead whos gotten a 15 year old pregnant? him and cat arnt exactly the same age (5 years difference) and at least my girlfriends are all legal! Hypocrite or what! Then he starts shouting about how i should be paying rent? Im sorry... thats none of his business and I am paying rent! thank you very much! and heres the best part.... He said i should sort my life out? my life? Im the one who actually finished school and went to university (even if i did drop out) and I have a job, and im not living in my mates spare room, rent free, bumming off the government and friends! I think the best part was when he put his hand around my neck... come on you fucking reject... it didnt even hurt... I reciprocated and he let go... lmfao! He's been starting fights with me since i can remember, and he's never won, what makes him think he would win this one? The only down side to this was he didnt swing for me, cos if he did, it would of given me reason to hit back! I know hes a dick head without a life, but im not gonna hit him first, he is my brother.
Anyway, after all this i walked away, hyped up and contemplating just beating the shit out of him, and Woodzy comes up and says "you got what you deserved" or something along those lines and then they both run away... They are just both jealous and over protective of Amber... Well screw them. BUt after all this, Amber has now dumped me, because of what lewis has said to her, and she wont tell me what he said. Lewis doesnt know anything about me, and I havent lived with him for the past 10 years. so whatever he's said was proberly lies just to get her to break up with me. Now this is where Im really going to kill him! My blood is still boiling, and all night yesterday I was that worked up i couldnt even eat! I will let you know when his funeral is...
more later
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Motley Crue - Home sweet home
My brother, lewis came and dragged amber away to talk to her, fine i thought, then he came and dragged tasha, Ambers best mate, away... five minutes later lewis comes running over and tries gripping me up, pulling me up from my seat and starts shouting about how i should stop dating younger girls and start going out with people my own age. Im sorry... whos the dickhead whos gotten a 15 year old pregnant? him and cat arnt exactly the same age (5 years difference) and at least my girlfriends are all legal! Hypocrite or what! Then he starts shouting about how i should be paying rent? Im sorry... thats none of his business and I am paying rent! thank you very much! and heres the best part.... He said i should sort my life out? my life? Im the one who actually finished school and went to university (even if i did drop out) and I have a job, and im not living in my mates spare room, rent free, bumming off the government and friends! I think the best part was when he put his hand around my neck... come on you fucking reject... it didnt even hurt... I reciprocated and he let go... lmfao! He's been starting fights with me since i can remember, and he's never won, what makes him think he would win this one? The only down side to this was he didnt swing for me, cos if he did, it would of given me reason to hit back! I know hes a dick head without a life, but im not gonna hit him first, he is my brother.
Anyway, after all this i walked away, hyped up and contemplating just beating the shit out of him, and Woodzy comes up and says "you got what you deserved" or something along those lines and then they both run away... They are just both jealous and over protective of Amber... Well screw them. BUt after all this, Amber has now dumped me, because of what lewis has said to her, and she wont tell me what he said. Lewis doesnt know anything about me, and I havent lived with him for the past 10 years. so whatever he's said was proberly lies just to get her to break up with me. Now this is where Im really going to kill him! My blood is still boiling, and all night yesterday I was that worked up i couldnt even eat! I will let you know when his funeral is...
more later
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Motley Crue - Home sweet home
Sunday, 19 April 2009
new girlfriend
its been 2 and a haf months of being single and I've finally got a great girlfriend. Thing is, its not one of those girls that i thought I'd end up going out with. I hope this works out, this time, and nothing screws it up. Its been 2 days so far, and everything seems great! Lets just see how things go!
In other news nothing much has really happened. Everything rolling by like usual!
will update later if i can think of anything else!
In other news nothing much has really happened. Everything rolling by like usual!
will update later if i can think of anything else!
Thursday, 9 April 2009
hmmm...
Where to begin... Been really stressy and down recently. Being single dont help lol. The week living at the pub has basically drained all my money, living off take aways etc, but it was good fun to be away from home for a bit! Demi is now going out with Brad, a guy from Brighton, who she met on VF. Kayleigh is going outwith Rob... yet again... dont like him! and Georgie is back with Craig :S
Theres one or two other girls I like, not mentioning names! lets just see how things go. Went to the Deathstars gig last night, and it was really really good! VF'ed the place lolz. I really have fuck all to write about :S
I could mention that I really like Imogen, and cant wait til she gets back to oxford on the 19th... or I could mention Eve... Demi's friend who went to the gig... she seems like a realy nice girl, but I doubt I have a chance there :( Theres always Amber... but again... I doubt I would have any chance... lmfao My mind seems to be consentrating on girls at the moment... I wonder why. Being single sucks, its been over 2 months now and Im really starting to hate it!
At least the bathroom at home is all done! still need to sand down the walls and ceiling, then paint them, but otherwise, its looking good. Havent even started decorating the spare room, and I really should start on that as we have a guest staying at the end of the month!
Lets just see how things happen... more later!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Deathstars - Termination Bliss
Theres one or two other girls I like, not mentioning names! lets just see how things go. Went to the Deathstars gig last night, and it was really really good! VF'ed the place lolz. I really have fuck all to write about :S
I could mention that I really like Imogen, and cant wait til she gets back to oxford on the 19th... or I could mention Eve... Demi's friend who went to the gig... she seems like a realy nice girl, but I doubt I have a chance there :( Theres always Amber... but again... I doubt I would have any chance... lmfao My mind seems to be consentrating on girls at the moment... I wonder why. Being single sucks, its been over 2 months now and Im really starting to hate it!
At least the bathroom at home is all done! still need to sand down the walls and ceiling, then paint them, but otherwise, its looking good. Havent even started decorating the spare room, and I really should start on that as we have a guest staying at the end of the month!
Lets just see how things happen... more later!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Deathstars - Termination Bliss
Friday, 27 March 2009
choices...
Ok, so Ive been busy this week, what with work, and the new bathroom being fitted at home, but i will get to the point! Kayleigh and Jen arnt going out, they were pulling a really horrible prank on me! So Kayleigh is still single, and Im really tempted to ask her out. Shes down near brighton for a few days and should be back today or tomorrow. Im gonna think about it. I've also been speaking to this other girl I like. Thing is, shes a friend of an ex, and to top it all off, theres a big age gap... I know age doesnt bother me in the slightest, but legally... and my nan... and her parents... it will all end up like the whole megan / elly situation, and I dont want that! Do I try and make that one work? or ask Kayleigh out? or stay single?
Ive also got another girl who fancies me, to add to the zoey list. Chelsea really likes me, and shes a good friend, but I dont like her in that way. We ended up making out last friday at the Covern for Nats birthday party and now she likes me. Anyway... mentioned this in my last post!
Today Im moving into the pub for a lil over a week, as Ron and Cath are both on holiday and according to our tenency agreement, we need a member of staff on premises, and I dont see Knoxy moving in when he has a family etc. It should be fun, all in all.
Demi is still single, and I still cant go there! Its the whole "but i see you as a friend" story. I've heard that one a million times. Oh well... Nothing else is really going on. Its all work work work for me!
More later
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... 36 Crazyfists - Slit Wrist Theory
Ive also got another girl who fancies me, to add to the zoey list. Chelsea really likes me, and shes a good friend, but I dont like her in that way. We ended up making out last friday at the Covern for Nats birthday party and now she likes me. Anyway... mentioned this in my last post!
Today Im moving into the pub for a lil over a week, as Ron and Cath are both on holiday and according to our tenency agreement, we need a member of staff on premises, and I dont see Knoxy moving in when he has a family etc. It should be fun, all in all.
Demi is still single, and I still cant go there! Its the whole "but i see you as a friend" story. I've heard that one a million times. Oh well... Nothing else is really going on. Its all work work work for me!
More later
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... 36 Crazyfists - Slit Wrist Theory
Sunday, 22 March 2009
lotsa things...
Right... where to begin?
Well, St Patricks Day was a blast! Had Natalie working in the pub, and we all had a really good time. Had another GREAT night last night, with the last three games of the six nations, with Ireland Winning it all!!!! But god it was close in their last match against Wales. What else?....
Kayleigh is now going out with Jen... which kinda made me upset, but shes happy so its all gravy! Demi is single again, poor her, shes really not having much luck these days, and as much as I'd love to ask her out, its like she said, she sees me as a friend and it might make things complicated. I brought her this groovy hoodie yesterday, so I hope that cheered her up. She said she will pay me back, but its Demi, so I dont really mind if she "forgets" hehe! It was Natalies 20th Birthday last Thursday, so I went to the Coven with them all after work on Friday. Was a really good night, but I had my bag stolen!!! A security Guard found it in the toilets and my Ipod touch, new digital camera, and a packet of cigarettes were missing. Thing is they didnt take my contract phone, or the other packet of cigarettes or my keys (thank god). Im really pissed off about my ipod! While I was there, I may have become slightly intoxicated, and made out with Chelsea... Im not complaining, its been a while since i kissed a girl. But I've now heard shes telling everyone that we are dating. A kiss does not constitute "going out". Im sorry, shes a great girl and all, and not a bad kisser either, but I have my eye on other girls, shes just not my type!
What else... ohh... georgie is now single, Craig (her boyfriend) apparently said "I dont love you anymore". Well im sorry, but what goes around comes around. She now knows how I felt! I still love her to bits, and she's looking better then ever and no one deserves that, but after doing it to me, i feel some what pleased in her pain. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not.
yesterday I brought a tablet! Its soooooooooo fucking cool! Been wanting one for ages and wasa feeling slightly down so did some retail therepy. hehe! Havent had a proper chance to play with it, but will get around to it! Got work tonight, then off til 6pm on wednesday which will be fun!
Got Tom coming to do the bathroom tomorrow, the one that was meant to be originally done 3 months ago. hehe... Also will be decorating my old bedroom tomorrow! just to stop my nan from moaning.
Sorry this blog isnt in date order... just everything seems so hectic at the moment! After everything settles down Im hoping things get back into a normal routine!
More later
Peace
And todays tunage is...... wishtribe - The Straw
Well, St Patricks Day was a blast! Had Natalie working in the pub, and we all had a really good time. Had another GREAT night last night, with the last three games of the six nations, with Ireland Winning it all!!!! But god it was close in their last match against Wales. What else?....
Kayleigh is now going out with Jen... which kinda made me upset, but shes happy so its all gravy! Demi is single again, poor her, shes really not having much luck these days, and as much as I'd love to ask her out, its like she said, she sees me as a friend and it might make things complicated. I brought her this groovy hoodie yesterday, so I hope that cheered her up. She said she will pay me back, but its Demi, so I dont really mind if she "forgets" hehe! It was Natalies 20th Birthday last Thursday, so I went to the Coven with them all after work on Friday. Was a really good night, but I had my bag stolen!!! A security Guard found it in the toilets and my Ipod touch, new digital camera, and a packet of cigarettes were missing. Thing is they didnt take my contract phone, or the other packet of cigarettes or my keys (thank god). Im really pissed off about my ipod! While I was there, I may have become slightly intoxicated, and made out with Chelsea... Im not complaining, its been a while since i kissed a girl. But I've now heard shes telling everyone that we are dating. A kiss does not constitute "going out". Im sorry, shes a great girl and all, and not a bad kisser either, but I have my eye on other girls, shes just not my type!
What else... ohh... georgie is now single, Craig (her boyfriend) apparently said "I dont love you anymore". Well im sorry, but what goes around comes around. She now knows how I felt! I still love her to bits, and she's looking better then ever and no one deserves that, but after doing it to me, i feel some what pleased in her pain. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not.
yesterday I brought a tablet! Its soooooooooo fucking cool! Been wanting one for ages and wasa feeling slightly down so did some retail therepy. hehe! Havent had a proper chance to play with it, but will get around to it! Got work tonight, then off til 6pm on wednesday which will be fun!
Got Tom coming to do the bathroom tomorrow, the one that was meant to be originally done 3 months ago. hehe... Also will be decorating my old bedroom tomorrow! just to stop my nan from moaning.
Sorry this blog isnt in date order... just everything seems so hectic at the moment! After everything settles down Im hoping things get back into a normal routine!
More later
Peace
And todays tunage is...... wishtribe - The Straw
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Fuck it all...
its been a really fucked up few weeks for me. its driving me insane trying to even think things through. Whats even worse is, my friends are starting to notice my "depression" and they arnt buying the whole "i just feel ill" story, but at least that story is still pulling some credit at work. right, where to start.
The main thing pissing me off is Ali. Yes, I am still deeply in love with her, but after all this time of her saying we shouldnt be close together etc, cos she does have a boyfriend, shes then flirting with other guys, nick for one, and nick told her that he fancied her, but nick is a dickhead and would fancy any female with a pulse. Now tonight at Beths birthday gathering, Ali was really close with big Dom, and it kinda freaks me out and pisses me off, when she doesnt mind being so close, and obviously flirting with another guy, especially when she knows how i feel about her, and for her to do it infront of me. Its driving me insane. Especially since Dom is meant to be married :S its all fucked up!
On other news, the other girl i really like, kayleigh, is really upset at the moment over the whole tom thing, and she punched him tonight. well, he deserved a punch, me and kayleigh overheard him saying to cat that he has never been in love. I really do love her, but i think shes passing off my flirting as my usual thing, when its not. I really do love her and care for her. I just hope shes ok, and gets over this without any harm. I know how bad it is as Ive been there. Love you Kayleigh!
Last week I went to that gig with Ali, and saw Tequila Rose play. For their very first gig they were very good. I recorded a few of their songs and put them on my youtube page, which has now also been put onto their own myspace page, with credits to me, which is cool! They are acually a really good band!
Also going to the 36 Crazyfists gig on friday. Meant to be going with Ali as I brought her a ticket, and Kayleigh is going, but im in two minds in giving ali her ticket, with the way im feeling at the moment.
in other, happier, non emo news, ive finally cleared my debt with the debt collectors! it feels good to know that the money i make is now mine! Also brought my download ticket! will be soooo fucking amazing! cant wait for it!
Im gonna go bed now! Peace xxx
The main thing pissing me off is Ali. Yes, I am still deeply in love with her, but after all this time of her saying we shouldnt be close together etc, cos she does have a boyfriend, shes then flirting with other guys, nick for one, and nick told her that he fancied her, but nick is a dickhead and would fancy any female with a pulse. Now tonight at Beths birthday gathering, Ali was really close with big Dom, and it kinda freaks me out and pisses me off, when she doesnt mind being so close, and obviously flirting with another guy, especially when she knows how i feel about her, and for her to do it infront of me. Its driving me insane. Especially since Dom is meant to be married :S its all fucked up!
On other news, the other girl i really like, kayleigh, is really upset at the moment over the whole tom thing, and she punched him tonight. well, he deserved a punch, me and kayleigh overheard him saying to cat that he has never been in love. I really do love her, but i think shes passing off my flirting as my usual thing, when its not. I really do love her and care for her. I just hope shes ok, and gets over this without any harm. I know how bad it is as Ive been there. Love you Kayleigh!
Last week I went to that gig with Ali, and saw Tequila Rose play. For their very first gig they were very good. I recorded a few of their songs and put them on my youtube page, which has now also been put onto their own myspace page, with credits to me, which is cool! They are acually a really good band!
Also going to the 36 Crazyfists gig on friday. Meant to be going with Ali as I brought her a ticket, and Kayleigh is going, but im in two minds in giving ali her ticket, with the way im feeling at the moment.
in other, happier, non emo news, ive finally cleared my debt with the debt collectors! it feels good to know that the money i make is now mine! Also brought my download ticket! will be soooo fucking amazing! cant wait for it!
Im gonna go bed now! Peace xxx
Saturday, 21 February 2009
changes?
When everyone around you is falling in love, or getting back with ex's, or just otherwise unobtainable, and your sat on the sidelines, watching all this happen, with no one to love you, or even care about you, it really makes you start thinking about whats wrong with yourself. I watch guys, not only from the saturday lot, but people my age, and older, out, getting laid on weekends, having fun, sleeping around, enjoying their lifes, with or without girlfriends, and im questioning myself why i find it so hard to do any of that :S I always end up falling for the girl who I cant have, even the ones that are single! Is there something wrong with me? I must be doing something for this not to happen!
Should I change my ways, and start just using girls? and sleeping with whoever? Its totally not my style, and i couldnt see myself doing it, but all of this is really making me depressed. I dont really know what to think any more. Especially when you have people, and i know they are my friends, but, like Ian, with three girlfriends on the go at once, Woodzy and paul, bouncing straight into relationships one after the other, and on...and on... with every other guy out there. They all find it so easy to just move on, god, im still not over Laura, and that was 6 months ago!
Town was fun today, for some part anyway. Finally got to see Ali after her week away, and i told her i knew that she wasnt a virgin any more, and im somewhat jealous, and upset that she didnt tell me. it was still good to see her though! Matilda finally came into town for the first time in ages! we had a nice long chat and constant cuddling, and god shes sexy :p hmmm... *plans kidnapping* hehe... if only! Ali thinks that ive started moving on from being in love with her, and maybe shes partially right, yes there are other girls i really like, but i still love Ali to bits, and i would like to get into a relationship with someone else, cos i dont see Ali and ben splitting up any time soon, but who knows! There is one girl I proberly like, slightly more then Ali at the moment and she is single, but shes not over her ex... so time will tell on that one!
im in that "dazed and confused" stage of depression at the moment, Im not sure what I should do, and I dont really care about any of it. I will post later when im in the mood!
Peace xx
Should I change my ways, and start just using girls? and sleeping with whoever? Its totally not my style, and i couldnt see myself doing it, but all of this is really making me depressed. I dont really know what to think any more. Especially when you have people, and i know they are my friends, but, like Ian, with three girlfriends on the go at once, Woodzy and paul, bouncing straight into relationships one after the other, and on...and on... with every other guy out there. They all find it so easy to just move on, god, im still not over Laura, and that was 6 months ago!
Town was fun today, for some part anyway. Finally got to see Ali after her week away, and i told her i knew that she wasnt a virgin any more, and im somewhat jealous, and upset that she didnt tell me. it was still good to see her though! Matilda finally came into town for the first time in ages! we had a nice long chat and constant cuddling, and god shes sexy :p hmmm... *plans kidnapping* hehe... if only! Ali thinks that ive started moving on from being in love with her, and maybe shes partially right, yes there are other girls i really like, but i still love Ali to bits, and i would like to get into a relationship with someone else, cos i dont see Ali and ben splitting up any time soon, but who knows! There is one girl I proberly like, slightly more then Ali at the moment and she is single, but shes not over her ex... so time will tell on that one!
im in that "dazed and confused" stage of depression at the moment, Im not sure what I should do, and I dont really care about any of it. I will post later when im in the mood!
Peace xx
so far so shit
ok, where to start, besides me complaining at how much life sucks, and i feel like shit etc etc... Ali has spent the last week down with Ben at his dads, which is down south somewhere. Really miss her, but she rang me the other day, and despite the rubbish signal she had, it was good to hear her voice. What I have heard, and ALi "forgot" to mention it, is that they have had sex :( I shouldnt really be sad, but it reminds me of how close Ali and ben are, and reminds me that shes not actually MY girlfriend. Oh well... life goes on. I'd say I have the other two girls I hancy but I dont!
Demi is now back with Dom, for the third time. I would of thought that after the last two times she would of realized that its not working out and its time to move on but nope. oh well, as long as shes happy. Then of course, the next best thing to ali... Kayleigh! I really do like her... ALOT.... but it looks like shes getting back with tom. Was at beths tonight after work, and they were both there, and they were outside kissing... so poor me! yes, i want your pity, and sympathy....
on other stuff, i have this really bad tooth ache, and its painful! really should go see a dentist! work is going well, 40 odd hours a week, great pay... when i finally get it! Nothing else is really happening in my boring, nonquizential life at the moment! it totally sucks! i think im relapsing, i keep thinking of why im even alive, which reminds me of "those" days.... and that just makes me even more depressed!
ima go bed now,
Peace xx
And todays tunage is...... Kill Hannah - Lips like morphine
Demi is now back with Dom, for the third time. I would of thought that after the last two times she would of realized that its not working out and its time to move on but nope. oh well, as long as shes happy. Then of course, the next best thing to ali... Kayleigh! I really do like her... ALOT.... but it looks like shes getting back with tom. Was at beths tonight after work, and they were both there, and they were outside kissing... so poor me! yes, i want your pity, and sympathy....
on other stuff, i have this really bad tooth ache, and its painful! really should go see a dentist! work is going well, 40 odd hours a week, great pay... when i finally get it! Nothing else is really happening in my boring, nonquizential life at the moment! it totally sucks! i think im relapsing, i keep thinking of why im even alive, which reminds me of "those" days.... and that just makes me even more depressed!
ima go bed now,
Peace xx
And todays tunage is...... Kill Hannah - Lips like morphine
Monday, 9 February 2009
so much lost and gained
Its been a while... Im sat here, in my new, bigger bedroom, smoking a Ziganov Black! oh the joys... if only!
So much has happened recently, and im still trying to work out how it all happened so quickly. Lets start from the beginning....
The weekend beginning friday 30th Jan me and Ali went to Birmingham with Beth to visit Josh. I booked me and Ali a hotel room, and we shared a double bed, to make it cheaper etc... I had my student loan that weekend, and I khad the money, but I didnt want to blow it all in one weekend. It was great to be back in Birmingham, even if it was just for the weekend. Apart from taking Lewis to the MCR gig, I havent been back to Brum since i moved back to Oxford. We spent the weekend going to bars down Broad St, and shopping in the Bull Ring. Overall it was a great time, and I spent it with a great girl, but thats the cause of all this. I've fallen in love with Ali. We ended up kissing while we were in brum, and its all gone tits up since then!
Ali told her boyfriend, Ben, about it all, and he's forgiven her, which is great for her, even if i did want Ben to dump her... I've also told Elly, and the only responce I got was "ok". I was expecting her to be angry, or upset, or jealous or something... anything apart from just turning around and saying ok. I feel that Elly hasnt been putting anything into this relationship, and all the pressure has been put onto me to make it work between us. This, along with the guilt of cheating on her, I've split up with Elly.
Im not sure how I feel about it, and Im still trying to work out my feelings. Its really confusing, because Ive fallen for Ali, even though I know I cant have her, and am playing a waiting game, but I still love Elly... or rather... IM not sure if it really was love? Did i just get with her as a rebound? and did she just go out with me to make me happy? if thats the case, then it worked, she made me feel great, but not being able to spend any time with her, and when we did it was never alone. Its all messed up.
Im not sure whats gonna happen now. Im just gonna play things for a while, and see where it takes me. I hate being single, or rather, i hate the lack of sex, caused by being single. Im not gonna go into details, to save you from the insanity caused by my illogical thinking.
Also, on the 29th Jan, the new owner took over the pub. James Knox. A really good guy, and mightily tall. He's got some really good plans for the pub! Including closing down after St Patricks day for a month for a full refurb! Ive also been working 40 odd hours a week, which is alot better then the 6 hours a week I was doing before. The only real problem is changing to monthly pay. But i should be paid this friday, and I get my student loan at the end of the month.
As with uni, I got my failed results through. Theres no way I can get back in, but im seriously thinking of going to Open University this september and transfering my points across! Im gonna see what happens! I havent told my nan the whole truth tho, I told her Im meeting Anne Becker to sort things out about transfering to O.U.
Being single sucks! Especially when your in love with someone you cant have! Me and Ali are still really good friends, and she keeps saying she thinks shes leading me on, but thats not the case. Yeah, she used to have a crush on me, and im not totally sure what her feelings on me still are, but only time will tell, heaven knows, i may actually find someone else, or even, Heaven forbid someone close to my age :S
So much more has happened, but half of it is petty little stuff, and not worth mentioning here! Will write more when i get the time.
Peace xx
And todays tunage is...... Garbage - Stupid Girl
So much has happened recently, and im still trying to work out how it all happened so quickly. Lets start from the beginning....
The weekend beginning friday 30th Jan me and Ali went to Birmingham with Beth to visit Josh. I booked me and Ali a hotel room, and we shared a double bed, to make it cheaper etc... I had my student loan that weekend, and I khad the money, but I didnt want to blow it all in one weekend. It was great to be back in Birmingham, even if it was just for the weekend. Apart from taking Lewis to the MCR gig, I havent been back to Brum since i moved back to Oxford. We spent the weekend going to bars down Broad St, and shopping in the Bull Ring. Overall it was a great time, and I spent it with a great girl, but thats the cause of all this. I've fallen in love with Ali. We ended up kissing while we were in brum, and its all gone tits up since then!
Ali told her boyfriend, Ben, about it all, and he's forgiven her, which is great for her, even if i did want Ben to dump her... I've also told Elly, and the only responce I got was "ok". I was expecting her to be angry, or upset, or jealous or something... anything apart from just turning around and saying ok. I feel that Elly hasnt been putting anything into this relationship, and all the pressure has been put onto me to make it work between us. This, along with the guilt of cheating on her, I've split up with Elly.
Im not sure how I feel about it, and Im still trying to work out my feelings. Its really confusing, because Ive fallen for Ali, even though I know I cant have her, and am playing a waiting game, but I still love Elly... or rather... IM not sure if it really was love? Did i just get with her as a rebound? and did she just go out with me to make me happy? if thats the case, then it worked, she made me feel great, but not being able to spend any time with her, and when we did it was never alone. Its all messed up.
Im not sure whats gonna happen now. Im just gonna play things for a while, and see where it takes me. I hate being single, or rather, i hate the lack of sex, caused by being single. Im not gonna go into details, to save you from the insanity caused by my illogical thinking.
Also, on the 29th Jan, the new owner took over the pub. James Knox. A really good guy, and mightily tall. He's got some really good plans for the pub! Including closing down after St Patricks day for a month for a full refurb! Ive also been working 40 odd hours a week, which is alot better then the 6 hours a week I was doing before. The only real problem is changing to monthly pay. But i should be paid this friday, and I get my student loan at the end of the month.
As with uni, I got my failed results through. Theres no way I can get back in, but im seriously thinking of going to Open University this september and transfering my points across! Im gonna see what happens! I havent told my nan the whole truth tho, I told her Im meeting Anne Becker to sort things out about transfering to O.U.
Being single sucks! Especially when your in love with someone you cant have! Me and Ali are still really good friends, and she keeps saying she thinks shes leading me on, but thats not the case. Yeah, she used to have a crush on me, and im not totally sure what her feelings on me still are, but only time will tell, heaven knows, i may actually find someone else, or even, Heaven forbid someone close to my age :S
So much more has happened, but half of it is petty little stuff, and not worth mentioning here! Will write more when i get the time.
Peace xx
And todays tunage is...... Garbage - Stupid Girl
Monday, 19 January 2009
a new room, a new life
So ive finally got everything moved into my bigger, better bedroom! it looks so clean and tidy! still have a few things to do to it, like finish putting all the small things away, sorting out the wiring for the telephone and internet, and get my book selfs taken down and put up in my new room. but it looks good!
Met up with Elly on wednesday, and thursday... was so much fun! was meant to be meeting her yesterday in town, but she didnt come in, and didnt answer her phone all day... I was really upset :( Someone remined me how little time we have til valentines day, and I want to do something special. Its also on a saturday this year which is good. So im thinking of doing what i was gonna do last friday! Shanghi 30's for dinner! Theres other stuff, but Elly reads this so Im not saying any more!
In other news, Faith and Woodzy are now official, which has pissed off jam jam, Lewis and Cat have broken up and me and zack think theres something going on between him and tasha, but not sure on that one yet! Matthew and Megan are back together as well. lmfao
Now for the pub news. As of this week I am only working monday nights. My hours have been cut that much. I understand why Ron has done it, and he does need to make some money, but after all ive done for that pub i deserve more! The new owner is officially taking over on the 29th, but Ron is staying on and we are gonna see how it all goes. I've more then likely got my job there, but ive heard that he is closing down for 6 weeks to have the place redone. Which it needs doing, but it leaves me with no work and therefore no money!
There isnt much else really! Getting my student loan in 2 weeks which will be a great financial help. It means i can finally get my bills paid and sort out my website which has been down for a while!
Will write gain soon!
Love you Elly xxxxx
Peace x
Met up with Elly on wednesday, and thursday... was so much fun! was meant to be meeting her yesterday in town, but she didnt come in, and didnt answer her phone all day... I was really upset :( Someone remined me how little time we have til valentines day, and I want to do something special. Its also on a saturday this year which is good. So im thinking of doing what i was gonna do last friday! Shanghi 30's for dinner! Theres other stuff, but Elly reads this so Im not saying any more!
In other news, Faith and Woodzy are now official, which has pissed off jam jam, Lewis and Cat have broken up and me and zack think theres something going on between him and tasha, but not sure on that one yet! Matthew and Megan are back together as well. lmfao
Now for the pub news. As of this week I am only working monday nights. My hours have been cut that much. I understand why Ron has done it, and he does need to make some money, but after all ive done for that pub i deserve more! The new owner is officially taking over on the 29th, but Ron is staying on and we are gonna see how it all goes. I've more then likely got my job there, but ive heard that he is closing down for 6 weeks to have the place redone. Which it needs doing, but it leaves me with no work and therefore no money!
There isnt much else really! Getting my student loan in 2 weeks which will be a great financial help. It means i can finally get my bills paid and sort out my website which has been down for a while!
Will write gain soon!
Love you Elly xxxxx
Peace x
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
the joyness of her... and bedrooms
Woooooooooo
Ok, Im happy for many reason, and not all of them relating to the love of my life! Firstly.... My nan has said I can finally move into the front bedroom, which is like 2 and a half times bigger then my room! So that will be great, wanna paint it and stuff first, and should be in there within 2 weeks! Will be great to have the space to actually stand up, turn around, and not bump into something!
In other joyness related news, me and Elly had a long convo about the whole "not saying love you" thing, as well as the no kissing in public, and the fact she was in love with someone else. Well... the long convo basically explained that shes now over the "other guy". I wont mention his name, but i also know who it is. She's also saying "I love you" now, which means so much to me, and we had a chat about the kissing thing, and i see her point, but she said she would work on it!
Meeting Elly after her exams today, and shes finally coming back to mine! I've tidied my bedroom, and am airing it out so it doesnt stink of cigarettes for her. hehe....
Also met this kool girl... Ali.... we met last friday, shes a friend of beths, and me, elly, beth, josh and ali all went back to beths, with a dominos pizza or two, and it was nice to relax and chill out like that. me, elly and Ali were doing three way kisses which was kool, and i stood back and watched elly make out with Ali, and umm... yeah! two stunningly beautiful girls, one being my girlfriend, making out in front of me... im not complaining... just which us three were alone and it went a bit further then just kissing, but hey... im not gonna complain! Ali is now going out with ben, and shes really happy, and now me and elly have sorted out the problems mentioned above, we are happy, and beth and josh seem to be happy together, despite the 60 miles of seperation.
Ive also hooked Woodzy and faith up together.... just working my match making skills again, like the good ole days! They both really REALLY like each other.... so things should work out great, that is, after woodzy finishes it with amber. I will keep you all updated on that status! Everyone seems to be pairing up recently, maybe its cos valentines day in a month?
Im off now, to pick up my wages from work... thats something I wont mention in this post, but will write about it soon!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Lacuna Coil - Self Deception
Ok, Im happy for many reason, and not all of them relating to the love of my life! Firstly.... My nan has said I can finally move into the front bedroom, which is like 2 and a half times bigger then my room! So that will be great, wanna paint it and stuff first, and should be in there within 2 weeks! Will be great to have the space to actually stand up, turn around, and not bump into something!
In other joyness related news, me and Elly had a long convo about the whole "not saying love you" thing, as well as the no kissing in public, and the fact she was in love with someone else. Well... the long convo basically explained that shes now over the "other guy". I wont mention his name, but i also know who it is. She's also saying "I love you" now, which means so much to me, and we had a chat about the kissing thing, and i see her point, but she said she would work on it!
Meeting Elly after her exams today, and shes finally coming back to mine! I've tidied my bedroom, and am airing it out so it doesnt stink of cigarettes for her. hehe....
Also met this kool girl... Ali.... we met last friday, shes a friend of beths, and me, elly, beth, josh and ali all went back to beths, with a dominos pizza or two, and it was nice to relax and chill out like that. me, elly and Ali were doing three way kisses which was kool, and i stood back and watched elly make out with Ali, and umm... yeah! two stunningly beautiful girls, one being my girlfriend, making out in front of me... im not complaining... just which us three were alone and it went a bit further then just kissing, but hey... im not gonna complain! Ali is now going out with ben, and shes really happy, and now me and elly have sorted out the problems mentioned above, we are happy, and beth and josh seem to be happy together, despite the 60 miles of seperation.
Ive also hooked Woodzy and faith up together.... just working my match making skills again, like the good ole days! They both really REALLY like each other.... so things should work out great, that is, after woodzy finishes it with amber. I will keep you all updated on that status! Everyone seems to be pairing up recently, maybe its cos valentines day in a month?
Im off now, to pick up my wages from work... thats something I wont mention in this post, but will write about it soon!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Lacuna Coil - Self Deception
Sunday, 11 January 2009
a happy depression?
Ok, so Im happy! spent both friday and saturday with Elly, and it was great! really really great, and I was so fucking happy, But today, its like... i dont know, I feel really down and depressed...
Something is bothering Elly and she wont tell me what it is, which is annoying, and its just small things really that are getting me down. Not knowing if i have a job at the end of the month doesnt help. But im really worried about what Elly is thinking... everyone says she loves me.. and she actually typed "I love you" the other night... and in english too... but then... in town, she refuses to kiss me, and she neverchats to me, and I very rarely get to see her any more. It really hurts, and i wish there wasnt such a big age gap so she could tell her mom, and i could go round hers more often. But then... she can always come round mine, but the 3 times i've offered shes had excuses not to come. Im not sayingthey are excuses, cos they could just well be genuine reasons, but still...
I just dont know what to think at the moment... my head is banging this way and that....
Something is bothering Elly and she wont tell me what it is, which is annoying, and its just small things really that are getting me down. Not knowing if i have a job at the end of the month doesnt help. But im really worried about what Elly is thinking... everyone says she loves me.. and she actually typed "I love you" the other night... and in english too... but then... in town, she refuses to kiss me, and she neverchats to me, and I very rarely get to see her any more. It really hurts, and i wish there wasnt such a big age gap so she could tell her mom, and i could go round hers more often. But then... she can always come round mine, but the 3 times i've offered shes had excuses not to come. Im not sayingthey are excuses, cos they could just well be genuine reasons, but still...
I just dont know what to think at the moment... my head is banging this way and that....
Monday, 5 January 2009
me not happy!
so, after my post from yesterday, me and Elly had a long chat, about a lot of things, not that she had read the post yet... but anyway. was speaking to her a few mins ago, and she said she cant meet me tomorrow now :( I feel like shit now! I miss her so fucking much! it really hurts! i wanna work out where this relationship is going.... is she realyl finding excuses not to see me so its easier for her to dump me? if so i wish shed do it. Im not saying i want her to, but this hurts enough already! I really do love her to bits, id do anything in the world for her, and i dont say it to that many people... Theres proberly only 4 people, and shes one of them! She doesnt even say she loves me... i know its a strong word to throw around, but isnt a relationship based on love? if she didnt love me, then why did she say yes when i asked her out? Its all so confusing at the moment, and i dont know if she really is avoiding me, or if its because of her mom. Yes i understand that her mom may go crazy if Elly told her about me, but she could, just as easily say ok to it all. If i was a parent, i would want my kids to be happy, even if it meant dating someone older then them. Is elly even happy with me? Im so confused and depressed and sad now....
enough about that... i know you are wondering why im actually here when its a work night. Well its that fucking dead, ron decided to close when he got back from his football game. He said town was really really quiet as well. So we closed the pub at half past 9 and im now sat at home.
Will write again when something happens!
Peace xxx
enough about that... i know you are wondering why im actually here when its a work night. Well its that fucking dead, ron decided to close when he got back from his football game. He said town was really really quiet as well. So we closed the pub at half past 9 and im now sat at home.
Will write again when something happens!
Peace xxx
Sunday, 4 January 2009
is it me?
Been working every bloody day this week! Im not complaining, cos im thinking of the money, but we were closed new year day, did a 15 hour shift on the 2nd, an 8 hour shift yesterday, and a 10 hour shift today. Working again, tomorrow with another 8 hour shift then im off for 3 days! yay, i cant wait! I also cant wait for next friday when i get paid! hehe, but most of it is going on bills!
Now, for the whole reason behind the title of this post.... Im feeling down, I have only seen Elly once since before Christmas, and its bloody painful! She said she was going with beth, before she left for Birmingham last friday, and she was gonna pop in to me to see me at work, but she never went, then she said she would "maybe" come into town on saturday... and she didnt... and now its a "maybe" see you tuesday.... Its always a maybe! I really really miss her, and want to spend some time with her! I dont care what we do, i just wanna be with her, but to me it feels like shes seperating herself from me! For whatever reasons, i wish she would just come out and tell me!
Sometimes i wish she could just tell her mom, and her mom would be fine with it, then i could go round whenever! or, forgetting that idea, she could come round to mine! I've offered a few times, but no. Its really getting me worried, and making me depressed ever so slightly. Ive talked to my friends about it and they all say not to worry, but icant help it! I'd go to the ends of earth for her, walk through hell and back... along with doing a few other metaphors!
In other news.... well, there isnt any really!! working lots, got tons of bills to pay with all the money that im making. Tomorrow morning im getting the boxes back down to put all the christmas decorations down.
Will post more later!
Peace xx LOVE YOU ELLY!
Now, for the whole reason behind the title of this post.... Im feeling down, I have only seen Elly once since before Christmas, and its bloody painful! She said she was going with beth, before she left for Birmingham last friday, and she was gonna pop in to me to see me at work, but she never went, then she said she would "maybe" come into town on saturday... and she didnt... and now its a "maybe" see you tuesday.... Its always a maybe! I really really miss her, and want to spend some time with her! I dont care what we do, i just wanna be with her, but to me it feels like shes seperating herself from me! For whatever reasons, i wish she would just come out and tell me!
Sometimes i wish she could just tell her mom, and her mom would be fine with it, then i could go round whenever! or, forgetting that idea, she could come round to mine! I've offered a few times, but no. Its really getting me worried, and making me depressed ever so slightly. Ive talked to my friends about it and they all say not to worry, but icant help it! I'd go to the ends of earth for her, walk through hell and back... along with doing a few other metaphors!
In other news.... well, there isnt any really!! working lots, got tons of bills to pay with all the money that im making. Tomorrow morning im getting the boxes back down to put all the christmas decorations down.
Will post more later!
Peace xx LOVE YOU ELLY!
Thursday, 1 January 2009
YAY
First post for 2009.
Im hoping this year will be better then the last! Lets have a recap! I got with megan, and although it didnt work out, it was fun while it lasted. Got back with Laura, and had my heart broken.... That was really hard on me. Im still not sure how i coped. Had the mess up with Georgie, and im glad thats over cos now im with Elly and im happier then i have been in a long time!!!
Apart from that, its been a rather uneventful year. Another year ailing uni, same as the last. I have made a few new friends which is good.
Talking of Elly, I finally got to see her today, it made my heart miss a beat I was THAT happy! Also saw Beth and her friend Josh from Birmingham. hung out for a while, and it was so great!
I then went to work at 6pm, did a nice 7 hour shift at time and a half, got pissed and saw in the new year. The pub was empty as i predicted! We are in the wrong part of town, and at midnight we had 4 customers! we had big groups come in, but its the usual one pint before they hit the night clubs!
Anyway, ima go bed now! Im still really really happy i got to see Elly today! hehehe
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... Smashing Pumpkins - Doomsday Clock
Im hoping this year will be better then the last! Lets have a recap! I got with megan, and although it didnt work out, it was fun while it lasted. Got back with Laura, and had my heart broken.... That was really hard on me. Im still not sure how i coped. Had the mess up with Georgie, and im glad thats over cos now im with Elly and im happier then i have been in a long time!!!
Apart from that, its been a rather uneventful year. Another year ailing uni, same as the last. I have made a few new friends which is good.
Talking of Elly, I finally got to see her today, it made my heart miss a beat I was THAT happy! Also saw Beth and her friend Josh from Birmingham. hung out for a while, and it was so great!
I then went to work at 6pm, did a nice 7 hour shift at time and a half, got pissed and saw in the new year. The pub was empty as i predicted! We are in the wrong part of town, and at midnight we had 4 customers! we had big groups come in, but its the usual one pint before they hit the night clubs!
Anyway, ima go bed now! Im still really really happy i got to see Elly today! hehehe
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... Smashing Pumpkins - Doomsday Clock
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