ummm... where do I start? Im like torn up inside... I started taking those roaccutaine yesterday, and I hope they work, but i dont want the side effects. I know im depressed, and im sure the pills side effects cant act this fast, so it must be my usual depression. But these pills have so many side effects its crazy! dry skin and lips, depression, suicidal thoughts, moodiness, dislike of brightness and in rare cases, attepted suicide / suicide, kidney and liver failure and eye problems
oh well..... cindy was online like ummm now.. and shes in some mood which is probs why im in this mood. she usually cheers me up! also lottie is avoiding me for some reason. Shes dont answering my calls or replying to my texts. I dont know if its anything to do with me telling her i love her... as in we actually talked about it and stuff when she was here, or if shes just busy. gonna go and be depressed now! laters
Wednesday, 24 January 2007
Friday, 19 January 2007
Happiness takes a 360
Lottie come up yesterday, shes going home in about 30mins. Went with her last night to youth works which wasnt that bad. But we went to the pub afterwards and she only had one drink... totally unlike her. I know shes stressed about getting a place to live and family problems and what not, but still...
The subject about me and her came up on more than one occassion and all i get is no or she changes the subject. I actually asked her why she wouldnt go out with me, oh guess what... subject change, or the "but your like an older brother to me!" statement. I love her, really really really LOVE her and it breaks my heart to be near her and know that i cant have her, if that makes sense, but i still go see her, cos i know she needs a friendly face around, and we get on really well. GOD! i love her so much ive even stopped looking at other girls. Its weird, cos i know i should move on, but i cant.
ON OTHER NEWS...
Went to the dermotologist on thursday and they have put me back onto Roaccutane which is the strongest stuff they have. Only way of getting it is through a hospital script. Its that powerful a drug that the normal docs cant even prescribe it. The problem is the side effects. Hense the reason i stopped taking it last time. Dry skin and lips, which i can live with if it helps, but depression and moodiness, really quick mood changes, sensitivity to bright lights, and in the severe cases, suicidal thoughts etc.
Oh the joy!
Waiting for blood tests which i will get back on monday to give me the all clear, and i can start taking them. They have to check my fat levels, and protiens in my liver as it could cas damage to them as well. Will need regualy check ups every month or two.
Also got a letter from UCAS and have been given a conditional acceptence onto the multimedia systems / computing HSc degree course at brookes. The only condition is that I pass this stupid access course at college. but thats all ok and this time next year i will be at uni!
Also got a leter from mices, the internet cafe about how much they are in debt and that means i should be hearing about the pay they owe me! Not sure how much I will get but i cant wait. It will pay for some of my bills etc or i might just blow it all on junk as usual! like updating my new computer etc.
Gotta get off to work. Oh they are gonna love it when i tell them bout this new drug and the side effects it will cause, and that i will need more time off. Im already depressed! i dont really need the depression increased from these drugs, plus the pressure from family, college, and work!
My life is so great isnt it?
ok sorry, i'll stop being sarcastic now! i hate my life and everything else!
The subject about me and her came up on more than one occassion and all i get is no or she changes the subject. I actually asked her why she wouldnt go out with me, oh guess what... subject change, or the "but your like an older brother to me!" statement. I love her, really really really LOVE her and it breaks my heart to be near her and know that i cant have her, if that makes sense, but i still go see her, cos i know she needs a friendly face around, and we get on really well. GOD! i love her so much ive even stopped looking at other girls. Its weird, cos i know i should move on, but i cant.
ON OTHER NEWS...
Went to the dermotologist on thursday and they have put me back onto Roaccutane which is the strongest stuff they have. Only way of getting it is through a hospital script. Its that powerful a drug that the normal docs cant even prescribe it. The problem is the side effects. Hense the reason i stopped taking it last time. Dry skin and lips, which i can live with if it helps, but depression and moodiness, really quick mood changes, sensitivity to bright lights, and in the severe cases, suicidal thoughts etc.
Oh the joy!
Waiting for blood tests which i will get back on monday to give me the all clear, and i can start taking them. They have to check my fat levels, and protiens in my liver as it could cas damage to them as well. Will need regualy check ups every month or two.
Also got a letter from UCAS and have been given a conditional acceptence onto the multimedia systems / computing HSc degree course at brookes. The only condition is that I pass this stupid access course at college. but thats all ok and this time next year i will be at uni!
Also got a leter from mices, the internet cafe about how much they are in debt and that means i should be hearing about the pay they owe me! Not sure how much I will get but i cant wait. It will pay for some of my bills etc or i might just blow it all on junk as usual! like updating my new computer etc.
Gotta get off to work. Oh they are gonna love it when i tell them bout this new drug and the side effects it will cause, and that i will need more time off. Im already depressed! i dont really need the depression increased from these drugs, plus the pressure from family, college, and work!
My life is so great isnt it?
ok sorry, i'll stop being sarcastic now! i hate my life and everything else!
Wednesday, 17 January 2007
Back to college... ...I love her!
I've been back to college for a week now, and its all going well! My programming assignment has gone really well and I think im doing ok in everything else. Christmas hols was all ok! and even though I didnt get much Im loving my freeview box! Ive also got a new computer! specs are as follows!
Intel Celeron 3.2GHz Socket 775 Cedar Mill 65nm Core
512Kb L2 cache
ATI Chipset Intel 102GGC2 Mobo
533MHz FSB
80Gb HDD 2Mb cache 7200rpm Western Digital
512Mb PC4300 (266MHz) DDR2 SD-RAM Samsung
Lite-on DVD-RW
ATI Radeon Xpress 200 Graphics
DirectX 9.0c
Windows XP Home SP2
Linksys Wireless-G PCI Adapter
Its just great, compared to my 1.2GHz celeron piece of shit! Anyway...
Really missing Lottie,but shes coming up on thursday, and staying til sunday so that will be good! I really should ask her out, but I know what shes going to say, cos of the distance and stuff. I dont even know if she still feels the same way for me, or if she actually meant it when she said she had those certain feelings. Its way too confusing, and I really love her! And Lottie, I know you read this... so...
I LOVE YOU!
but you know how i feel and you know i mean it! I'd do anything for you!
sorry to everyone else whos reading this, but haha!
Also... I've brought the new splinter cell game which is just great! Also done a 13 hour shift at work for the stock take, then went to the pub afterwards, and seeming as it was a sunday, the only place open that late at night was the Oxford retreat which cost a fourtune! I spent over £50 that night, but i dont really mind cos I dont do it much!
umm... Nothing else much has happened! more laters!
Peace!
And todays tunage is...... PPK - Resurrection
Intel Celeron 3.2GHz Socket 775 Cedar Mill 65nm Core
512Kb L2 cache
ATI Chipset Intel 102GGC2 Mobo
533MHz FSB
80Gb HDD 2Mb cache 7200rpm Western Digital
512Mb PC4300 (266MHz) DDR2 SD-RAM Samsung
Lite-on DVD-RW
ATI Radeon Xpress 200 Graphics
DirectX 9.0c
Windows XP Home SP2
Linksys Wireless-G PCI Adapter
Its just great, compared to my 1.2GHz celeron piece of shit! Anyway...
Really missing Lottie,but shes coming up on thursday, and staying til sunday so that will be good! I really should ask her out, but I know what shes going to say, cos of the distance and stuff. I dont even know if she still feels the same way for me, or if she actually meant it when she said she had those certain feelings. Its way too confusing, and I really love her! And Lottie, I know you read this... so...
I LOVE YOU!
but you know how i feel and you know i mean it! I'd do anything for you!
sorry to everyone else whos reading this, but haha!
Also... I've brought the new splinter cell game which is just great! Also done a 13 hour shift at work for the stock take, then went to the pub afterwards, and seeming as it was a sunday, the only place open that late at night was the Oxford retreat which cost a fourtune! I spent over £50 that night, but i dont really mind cos I dont do it much!
umm... Nothing else much has happened! more laters!
Peace!
And todays tunage is...... PPK - Resurrection
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