So she kissed me once... but then she kissed me again! i was like OMG! yeah yeah I know! Not on the lips, on the forehead this time! but twice in one day? she NEVER EVER fucking kisses me! I was like OMFG! I think something is up
shes got a boyfriend in Windsor, but i dont know! My life is totally fucked up! I really do love her! More than I even loved Alison! And everyone who knows me knows how much i loved Ali! I just cant stop thinking about Lottie! Shes back up here for christmas! But im working throughout! So I dont know if i will see her! I really want to ask her out, but I know how she feels about long distance relations! But shes hiding her emotions about me! I mean we've spoken about it! and shes said she loves me! But whys she hiding it? I mean I kinda understand it infront of her mom and lew, with the roumors that go around etc! But still...
Im just really depressed and fed up with work and college and life in general! Break up for christmas on the 14th and got a test for info systems tomorrow! But ive caught up with my assignments! just about! Work isnt that bad, I just cant deal with it all! Want to be left alone!
FUCK LIFE!
Monday, 11 December 2006
Friday, 8 December 2006
Shes got a Damn Boyfriend
Lottie got into Oxford today! Its great to see her again! Been thinking about her alot! She came in to work to see me and it was great! She waited for a whole hour til I finished work and i walked her to the bus stop! We hugged etc as usual! But she told me shes got a boyfriend! someone hrom the resturant across the road from where she works. Its not fair! But worst part is, before she gets on the bus she kisses me! Ok Ok, it was only on the cheek but shes never done that before. But shes got a damn boyfriend! She knows how I feel about her, and even though I know we cant be together at the moment, I just get jealous when I know theres someone else there where I want to be!
I just love her too much and want to be with her so badly. Her kissing me is weird?!?!?!?!?! She has never ever never done that before. I know it was just on the cheek, but still. I love her! I LOVE HER! i love her! I LOVE HER!
Anyway... Work is going ok! been there two or three weeks now! Been put in charge of the furniture department and from what IVe been told Im kinda being promoted to second in charge of warehouse. That wont be for another month or two tho! College is going ok as well! Vic has been ill all week so havent had many classes! But its given me time to catch up with all my assignments!
Getting paid from work next friday! Hopefully its around £400 and IM buying myself a decent computer! Not going OTT with it, just something more powerful than what Ive got! getting it from work, so might cut a deal or something as well! (I wish)!
Anyway! gotta go!
And todays tunage is...... PPK - Ressurection
I just love her too much and want to be with her so badly. Her kissing me is weird?!?!?!?!?! She has never ever never done that before. I know it was just on the cheek, but still. I love her! I LOVE HER! i love her! I LOVE HER!
Anyway... Work is going ok! been there two or three weeks now! Been put in charge of the furniture department and from what IVe been told Im kinda being promoted to second in charge of warehouse. That wont be for another month or two tho! College is going ok as well! Vic has been ill all week so havent had many classes! But its given me time to catch up with all my assignments!
Getting paid from work next friday! Hopefully its around £400 and IM buying myself a decent computer! Not going OTT with it, just something more powerful than what Ive got! getting it from work, so might cut a deal or something as well! (I wish)!
Anyway! gotta go!
And todays tunage is...... PPK - Ressurection
Tuesday, 14 November 2006
get well soon mom!
OK! so wig is still ill, but shes getting better every day! but my mom was rushed to hospital last night from work! She had really bad pains above her stomach and she was sweating really badly. She had the same thing a few years ago but she was at home that time and didnt go to the docs! The docs at hospital have ben taking bloods etc and theres a thought that it may be angina! I only thought older people get that. My mom is only 46 and shes not that bad. Yeah shes out of shape and shes not exactly slim, but shes not unhealthy! She should be coming out today! but im at college now so my brother, lewis has gone up there to be with her!
College is going supprisingly well at the moment! I just hope the stress from mom being ill and wig and nan doesnt kick into overtime! Ok, you all know. I can deal with stress really well and it takes alot more stress to get me to go "crazy" than it would with anyone else! But im maxed out on stress as it is! I cant deal with the stresses from work, college, and everything else onto of all that i already have!
And todays tunage is...... Saosin - It's far better to learn
College is going supprisingly well at the moment! I just hope the stress from mom being ill and wig and nan doesnt kick into overtime! Ok, you all know. I can deal with stress really well and it takes alot more stress to get me to go "crazy" than it would with anyone else! But im maxed out on stress as it is! I cant deal with the stresses from work, college, and everything else onto of all that i already have!
And todays tunage is...... Saosin - It's far better to learn
Sunday, 12 November 2006
Not so great!
Things arnt looking great at the moment! My gran had an op on her face 2 weeks ago, to remove cancer and shes been out of the hospital a week now! Shes still complaining that she cant sleep at night, but she never could! mainly because she sleeps all day!
Wig is really ill at the moment as well! She woke up friday morning with servere back pain! IT was so bad that shes been laid up in bed not able to move! The docs gave her some tramadol on friday which shes been taking but it hasnt been working so yesterday i phoned the docs again and one of them came out to look her over. She couldnt do much but she gave her some asprin based painkillers to take with the tramadol. The good news is that its not as painful anymore but shes still bad. Not sure if they are side effects but shes not herself. Shes seeing things, like the desktop background of her PC is flowers and today she saw a skull in it and then some guy with a moustache. Shes also lost track of time, literally. she will fall to sleep for five minutes and wake up again thinking its tomorrow. And shes going on about really stupid things. Its kinda like shes having a break down or something. I just dont know.
Had the rememberance sunday guys here this weekend as well! I had to deal with them, which i dont really mind. But if this lasts any longer, If got college and work to consider.
Started working at staples on park end st last monday. Got shown around and got my uniform. Did my first real type of shift on friday and it was fun, but it was some what boring as well. Im glad im working now, but i dont need all this with wig being ill!
At least colege is going ok! Ive finally caught up with al my assignments! Well gonna go relax now! laters!
Wig is really ill at the moment as well! She woke up friday morning with servere back pain! IT was so bad that shes been laid up in bed not able to move! The docs gave her some tramadol on friday which shes been taking but it hasnt been working so yesterday i phoned the docs again and one of them came out to look her over. She couldnt do much but she gave her some asprin based painkillers to take with the tramadol. The good news is that its not as painful anymore but shes still bad. Not sure if they are side effects but shes not herself. Shes seeing things, like the desktop background of her PC is flowers and today she saw a skull in it and then some guy with a moustache. Shes also lost track of time, literally. she will fall to sleep for five minutes and wake up again thinking its tomorrow. And shes going on about really stupid things. Its kinda like shes having a break down or something. I just dont know.
Had the rememberance sunday guys here this weekend as well! I had to deal with them, which i dont really mind. But if this lasts any longer, If got college and work to consider.
Started working at staples on park end st last monday. Got shown around and got my uniform. Did my first real type of shift on friday and it was fun, but it was some what boring as well. Im glad im working now, but i dont need all this with wig being ill!
At least colege is going ok! Ive finally caught up with al my assignments! Well gonna go relax now! laters!
Wednesday, 1 November 2006
rightous bullshit!
got told of at college today! have to stop writing things in my blog! but thats what a blog is for, its for letting off steam1 and she did want to know about how I felt about the course! well i told her! any way the post that got me in trouble is copied below!
Anyway... My nan is out of hospital tomorrow! which is great!
OK NOW!you may have noticed that ALL my previous posts have been edited.
This is because they included the Teachers names, and I have been told by a
certain teacher, who I cannot mention, That I could be sued if I use their names
in my blog! And because of the manner in which I talk about a certain teacher
(think of programming), isnt exactly polite! Maybe its because I think hes an
arogant, self rightous, know-it-all who thinks hes the best at what he can do!
Yes! Thats why hes working here instead of sitting in some office coding for a
multi-million pound contract. Thats why hes earning a teachers salary instead of
the millions he could make! Oh, and thats why hes also teaching us
Pascal!Anyway...Cant be dealing with college today! My nan is in hospital and
about to have a dangerous operation on her face to remove cancer! I really dont
want to be here! Oh well!
Anyway... My nan is out of hospital tomorrow! which is great!
Tuesday, 24 October 2006
Forgotten pasts
Well Well Well... After all this time Cindy has spoken to me! It must be about a year since we broke up and she went out with my mate, and all that.... and I had put it all in the past, and forgotten all about it! I mean, ok, Ive forgiven her and my mate, not that i will ever trust him again, and hardly speak to him. But forCindy to speak to me again was a big shock. She was appologizing and all that and I told her just to forget it all, its all in the past and everything happens for a reason. blah blah blah... And now its like none of it ever happened and shes come out with she still has feelings for me..... I mean... Ok, after speaking to her all day, its brought back some feelings Id rather not have. Istill love her, deeply, but after my best mate breaking us up then her going out with him. And with all the depression and stuff i went through, I still love her, but dont know if i could ever trust her again! What in the hell do I do? And I still have feelings for Lottie! Even though I know thats not going anywhere. I just dont know what to do! I feel lost inside, and havent a clue where my life is going! Why do I always fall in love with girls I cant have!
Enough of that! Im going to sleep on it, and see what happens! Its 4 am and Im not even tired! I cant get back into this routine! It would be murder if i was at college! Half term is going ok! Got some work I really should do! and I havent started it yet! Think I'll do it tomorrow! Damn I miss Lottie! Gonna ring her tomorrow as well! Rang tonight around 11pm and hannah answered! Which means shes gone down without me, which has pissed me off! Not that i could afford it anyway but she could of let me know!
And todays tunage is...... Atreyu - This flesh a tomb
Enough of that! Im going to sleep on it, and see what happens! Its 4 am and Im not even tired! I cant get back into this routine! It would be murder if i was at college! Half term is going ok! Got some work I really should do! and I havent started it yet! Think I'll do it tomorrow! Damn I miss Lottie! Gonna ring her tomorrow as well! Rang tonight around 11pm and hannah answered! Which means shes gone down without me, which has pissed me off! Not that i could afford it anyway but she could of let me know!
And todays tunage is...... Atreyu - This flesh a tomb
Friday, 20 October 2006
OMG over a month!
Oh my god! Its been over a month since my last post! Nothing much has really happened though! Last week I got the flu and have been off college which is a big pain! I cant afford to have any time off college! For the few days I was laid up in bed but I went and stayed at Gemma's on the friday night and it was leah's 2nd birthday! Was going to stay for the party on saturday but didnt want to give anyone else the flu! Since Thursday Ivealso stopped smoking! It was mainly because I couldnt breathe, but now I can and I still havent had a cigarette! Ohh. Me lies!I did have a light last night, the withdrawal just got too bad and I couldnt sleep! It felt weird and I know I shouldnt of done it. I'm gonna go to the docs and ask them what I can do and see if i can get some nicorette gum or something from them! The withdrawal is really really bad and I hate these cravings!
Also Lewis got arrested the other day, something to do with Robin and AJ and blah blah blah! But imagine your own dad phoning the cops and having you arrested! haha!
As for everything else, its all as usual! Havent heard from lottie in a while, I might phone her later on! After she finishes college. Gonna go round to see Jo on sunday.
OHH!!!!!
I HAVE AN IPOD!
My mp3 player broke a while ago and I told my nan and told her I need it for college to bring work home on it! and while we were at the base she asked if theres anything i wanted, and they had Ipods there so i said yeah but she wouldnt like the price. She asked what it was, and she brought me one! I was shocked!
So Im now the proud owner of a silver 4Gb IPOD NANO!
hehe!
Its so cool! got pics and games and a calender etc on it! Im loving it! Even with my hate for everything apple! lol!
Also Lewis got arrested the other day, something to do with Robin and AJ and blah blah blah! But imagine your own dad phoning the cops and having you arrested! haha!
As for everything else, its all as usual! Havent heard from lottie in a while, I might phone her later on! After she finishes college. Gonna go round to see Jo on sunday.
OHH!!!!!
I HAVE AN IPOD!
My mp3 player broke a while ago and I told my nan and told her I need it for college to bring work home on it! and while we were at the base she asked if theres anything i wanted, and they had Ipods there so i said yeah but she wouldnt like the price. She asked what it was, and she brought me one! I was shocked!
So Im now the proud owner of a silver 4Gb IPOD NANO!
hehe!
Its so cool! got pics and games and a calender etc on it! Im loving it! Even with my hate for everything apple! lol!
Monday, 9 October 2006
hmmmm..... Lottie!
Lottie went home yesterday! She stayed an extra day which was good! I know I didnt see her on Friday or Saturday, but I was too depressed, and being around her brings out feelings Id rather not have! As much as I love her, being near her brings that all out, and when I know I cant have her just hurts beyond words. She phoned me Sunday morning and told me she was still in Oxford, So I went to meet her, and take her to the train station. We hugged as usual but I swear theres something there. She says she loves me, but why doesnt she do anything about it? It really hurts and confuses me! I dont know how to speak to her about it either! Its creating vibes between us, and I dont want us to fall out because of this! I know theres the distance thing, I can see that, and I know what a pain it can be, but isnt it worth a try? Just to see if it would work? Its not like we never see or speak to each other... Even if it doesnt work, at least we gave it a try, and we could still be friends after, Nothing is going to stop me loving her, even if it doesnt work out! DAMN MY LIFE!
College is going ok, a lil boring as usual! but Im waiting for it to pick up! Hopefully it will soon! everything else is, well, shit! Im just fed up with everything! life, death, family, friends, college....
College is going ok, a lil boring as usual! but Im waiting for it to pick up! Hopefully it will soon! everything else is, well, shit! Im just fed up with everything! life, death, family, friends, college....
Friday, 6 October 2006
is suicide legal?
God I feel depressed today! god knows why with Lottie in oxford, but my life is seriously messed up! I mean, I know I feel depressed quite a bit, more than any sane person should, but today is worse then ever! I just feel like dying, and I know its not gonna happen, and im not even about to try it! I learnt my lesson on that subject 4 years ago! I might just go for a long walk! I'll go into town and hand in my application for that job at staples and walk around to clear my head!
She said no, and I understand why
But being with her makes me feel high
Being without her is like living a lie
Without her here I might as well die
Love is complicated
Lottie came to Oxford today! Shes going to a funeral tomorrow with Bev and she is staying in Oxford til Saturday! Ive spent all of today with her! God I love her! Why does it have to be so complicated! Why cant we just go out with each other? Zack or Tylah have told Lewis bout how I wanna go out with Lottie and lewis has started spreading it around, and frazer found out and told me! Ive had to deny any of it cos Lottie has been there, but she knows how I feel bout her. I think she feels the same but she cantmake up her mind. and I can see her side of it, with dating each other it could seriously ruin our friendship and that means the world to both of us! Im just confused and dont know what to do!
I left her at Bevs tonight, about an hour ago, and we were at the door and hugged then were both just standing there, hugging looking into each others eyes, and i could see it in her eyes. or at least i think i did, that she loves me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Am I getting carried away with myself? or could we make this work? Im lost for words now! I havent got a clue about what to do! I was planning on asking her out while she was in oxford, but with lewis opening his big gob, I dont think i can do it now.
God its hard to explain, but i swear she has feelings for me, its the way she speaks to me, and looks at me, and the subtle hints that im getting. Not sure if shes sending out the hints on purpose, or if its her subconcous, butI LOVE HER!
Anyway, college is going ok, Im actually starting to learn things now! MAde quite a few friends on my course,but Im still not speaking to any of my old friends like kelly, chrystal and that lot! Also, I still havent got a job yet! stil looking, but Ive picked up an application for staples, the stationarystore on park end street, and that looks like a decent job, but i want to do warehouse or merchandizing.. I will see what the have got! The student union has also got their bar licence by the looks of it so im gonna pop in on monday and see about a job there! if theyt have a place!
Good night ppl! gonna go to bed now and dream of lottie! hehe!
And todays tunage is...... Staind - So far away
I left her at Bevs tonight, about an hour ago, and we were at the door and hugged then were both just standing there, hugging looking into each others eyes, and i could see it in her eyes. or at least i think i did, that she loves me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Am I getting carried away with myself? or could we make this work? Im lost for words now! I havent got a clue about what to do! I was planning on asking her out while she was in oxford, but with lewis opening his big gob, I dont think i can do it now.
God its hard to explain, but i swear she has feelings for me, its the way she speaks to me, and looks at me, and the subtle hints that im getting. Not sure if shes sending out the hints on purpose, or if its her subconcous, butI LOVE HER!
Anyway, college is going ok, Im actually starting to learn things now! MAde quite a few friends on my course,but Im still not speaking to any of my old friends like kelly, chrystal and that lot! Also, I still havent got a job yet! stil looking, but Ive picked up an application for staples, the stationarystore on park end street, and that looks like a decent job, but i want to do warehouse or merchandizing.. I will see what the have got! The student union has also got their bar licence by the looks of it so im gonna pop in on monday and see about a job there! if theyt have a place!
Good night ppl! gonna go to bed now and dream of lottie! hehe!
And todays tunage is...... Staind - So far away
Saturday, 16 September 2006
not interested
Fed up at the moment! And there was me thinking going back to college was going to makeeverything better! Oh well. Im just really bored alot and theres fuck all to do at home! So Ive made a new website for my college course!
Gonna put up all the course stuff like hand outs and assignments! Should help me out as well as the others. Apart from going over college stuff I havent really done much else. Spoke to Lottie today, and Im not gonna ask her out, it will ruin our friendship and whatever... her words, not mine. But I can see where shes coming from. I mean, we been friends for so long, it would be ashame to start dating, fall out and ruin the friendship.
Went to the docs yesterday, had my boil syringed and drained. Now it feels so much better, and i can actually sleep at night. Ive also been refered to the dermatologist, so that will be good. finally getting my life sorted, just need to sort out my social life. haha... what social life? god i need one!
Wednesday, 13 September 2006
the joys of a wednesday at college!
College is going really well at the moment. Still think they are letting us get used to the ystem and what not before they go full on with the lessons, but thats ok! Went and signed off jobseekers so I can apply for ALG (adult learners grant) thats the adult version of EMA!Also picked up a form for financial assistance so I can get my bus pass for free and got my NUS card! The NUS card is really different from when I was last at college! Before it used to be the same as our student ID but now I need a seperate card and the one I got doesnt even get me discount! it just proves Im a member of the student union! I need to pay an extra £10 to get the NUS card that lets me get discount! The girl who sorted my card for me was really cute as well! think shes got a boyfriend anyway lol! and I want Lottie.. so... yeah! but she liked me, so she said, and asked me if I wanted to join the student union and actually sit on the union! so Im considering it, I could prove helpful!
As with other college stuff I have to keep another damn blog for my classes and you can see it HERE!
After Lottie reading my blog and not wondering if she wasstillspeaking to me I texted her today! and we been texting back and forth all day! lol! Im so glad we are still talking, not that the subject of my love for her came up! I will give it time.
Im nakered now so Im gonna sit back, relax and chill out!
more laters!
And todays tunage is...... Saliva - Your disease
As with other college stuff I have to keep another damn blog for my classes and you can see it HERE!
After Lottie reading my blog and not wondering if she wasstillspeaking to me I texted her today! and we been texting back and forth all day! lol! Im so glad we are still talking, not that the subject of my love for her came up! I will give it time.
Im nakered now so Im gonna sit back, relax and chill out!
more laters!
And todays tunage is...... Saliva - Your disease
Monday, 11 September 2006
ohhh.... college
Well that was a nice calm day for my first day at college!The course seems pretty fun. Today we did study skills with Victoria and wrote about ourselves which was boring. Apparently I wrote the best letter shes seen in years. WHATEVER! lol Then we had Information systems with Beth. This was a lil more fun as we sat around making a database on microsoft access. Ive used it before, i mean, GOD! I use it to store everyones contact details and email and address and numbers in! lol! So didnt learn anything new, but i think they are just touching base, to see what we actually know, and starting off with easy things.
Tomorrow I have computer applications with Victoria then programming with Lionel. Havent met Lionel yet, but programming should be fun! Also need to speak to victoria and get my enrolment form off her so I can go get my student ID and pay and sort out my travel pass and what not!
On wednesday we have IT core skills and programming again. Not sure what core skills means, but Im hoping it will somewhat involve HTML or something around those lines! On thursday we have PC systems with Gareth, who I also havent met yet! I take it this is around building actual machines and stuff like that. This course is meant to study the whole IT genre. Cant wait for that! Friday is a day off so a nice long weekend! Im not doing the key skills in english and maths so thats also cut down my hours at college. I actually worked it out as 12 and a half hours a week, so I dont see how they can class it as a full time course! although this doesnt include the breaks and lunch!
Im gonna breeze through this! its like so much fun! The guys in my class.. all 10 of us! seem to be cool people! I get along with them, so thats a start. We will see....
In other news....
I havent heard a word about that IT co-ordinator job in Rosehill, According to their website the interviews are today and tomorrow! Why dont employers tell you that you havent got the job? all it takes is a few minutes on the phone, just to say thank you for the application but we dont want you. This has happened so many times to me and it gets annoying! Especially in a job like this, where i was so nervous about having anyway. I mean, this job would of set me up for quite a while. Its in the area I want to work in, and the pay is really good. I never know! they may of been running late and they could phone me any day saying no one else has applied and Ive got the job... without an interview? hehe! And my name is tom! yeah yeah!
And todays tunage is...... Incubus - Stellar
Tomorrow I have computer applications with Victoria then programming with Lionel. Havent met Lionel yet, but programming should be fun! Also need to speak to victoria and get my enrolment form off her so I can go get my student ID and pay and sort out my travel pass and what not!
On wednesday we have IT core skills and programming again. Not sure what core skills means, but Im hoping it will somewhat involve HTML or something around those lines! On thursday we have PC systems with Gareth, who I also havent met yet! I take it this is around building actual machines and stuff like that. This course is meant to study the whole IT genre. Cant wait for that! Friday is a day off so a nice long weekend! Im not doing the key skills in english and maths so thats also cut down my hours at college. I actually worked it out as 12 and a half hours a week, so I dont see how they can class it as a full time course! although this doesnt include the breaks and lunch!
Im gonna breeze through this! its like so much fun! The guys in my class.. all 10 of us! seem to be cool people! I get along with them, so thats a start. We will see....
In other news....
I havent heard a word about that IT co-ordinator job in Rosehill, According to their website the interviews are today and tomorrow! Why dont employers tell you that you havent got the job? all it takes is a few minutes on the phone, just to say thank you for the application but we dont want you. This has happened so many times to me and it gets annoying! Especially in a job like this, where i was so nervous about having anyway. I mean, this job would of set me up for quite a while. Its in the area I want to work in, and the pay is really good. I never know! they may of been running late and they could phone me any day saying no one else has applied and Ive got the job... without an interview? hehe! And my name is tom! yeah yeah!
And todays tunage is...... Incubus - Stellar
guess where I am!
Guess what? Im sat in college! Im actually writing this during a class! its so cool1 Im so happy Im back at college! After 3 years I thought it was gonna be hard for me to get back nito it, but it seems like its all come back to me! Its great! I'll let you all know how it goes later on!
Peace!
Peace!
Friday, 8 September 2006
college college college
So I went in for my induction at college today... but the thing is, they got the dates wrong on my letter. My induction was meant to be last friday and was meant to start college last monday, so I've missed a whole week of my college. Luckily I've been told they havent done much because it wasnt just me who got the wrong dates, and the class is only half of what it should be! So instead of starting college on the 29th Im actually going to start this monday!
We also didnt go to alton towers! It got changed to the 17th, but now im at college I cant go! And I really wanna see charlotte! _*cries*_ I really do miss her, and I know its complicated but i cant stop the feeling I have for her! I just wanna ask her out, but i just dont know if i should or not! It could ruin our friendship and thats the last thing i want to do! I cherish our friendship more than anything in the world! plus since shes moved to Winsdor its even worse! I'd ask for advice, but kno one reads thi so that would be useless! Whjat in hell do I do????? I dont wanna talk to anyone about it, cos everyone knows both of us! I cant speak to her mom, jo, so she already thinks theres something going on between me and lottie, not that there is yet... yet? maybe never! Im just not sure! what was that saying? "absince makes the heart grow fonder" well whoever said it was right! damn bastards!
oh well... live goes on and I cant wait for college on monday! still not heard anything bout that job tho! and blah blah blah
Laterz!
We also didnt go to alton towers! It got changed to the 17th, but now im at college I cant go! And I really wanna see charlotte! _*cries*_ I really do miss her, and I know its complicated but i cant stop the feeling I have for her! I just wanna ask her out, but i just dont know if i should or not! It could ruin our friendship and thats the last thing i want to do! I cherish our friendship more than anything in the world! plus since shes moved to Winsdor its even worse! I'd ask for advice, but kno one reads thi so that would be useless! Whjat in hell do I do????? I dont wanna talk to anyone about it, cos everyone knows both of us! I cant speak to her mom, jo, so she already thinks theres something going on between me and lottie, not that there is yet... yet? maybe never! Im just not sure! what was that saying? "absince makes the heart grow fonder" well whoever said it was right! damn bastards!
oh well... live goes on and I cant wait for college on monday! still not heard anything bout that job tho! and blah blah blah
Laterz!
Wednesday, 6 September 2006
to blog or not to blog... that is the question!
Ok now.. Have just been reading my copy of the micro mart magazine (issue number 197) and theres a part in it about blogging. I can see what they are getting at, with some people that have lost their jobs and even fallen out with family members through their blog or website. They also say that hiding your alias and keeping work / personal details to a minimum just so as others cannot work out who you are is a good thing... but then all the juicy gossip is gone? isnt it? I see why some people would choose the anonymity of hiding their personal details, especially these "stars" who have followers in the hundreds of thousands with book deals and thel ike.. but for your average person? say, like me?
I write in here for a way to express myself, not to anyone who visits, cos lets face it.. no one reads this shit, but it lets me express my feelings for myself and others an insight back into my week. Especially if I've been having trouble or been stressed, at the end of the week or month or whatever, i can go back to my blog and look at what i wrote, and work out what made me stressed! Ok, so I dont use my real name, but its on my email address and profile if anyone wanted to know! And if someone did read this then fine! Everyone who knows me personally, knows that i speak my mind and if i feel something i will say it! Yes there are a few people who might be shocked if they read this! ie Lottie and the way I feel for her etc But If they then, after reading this, turn out not to like me, was it really worth me being their friend in the first place?
Out in the "real" world Idont show my emotions very well. Im a recluse and a loner, with few friends, and even fewer "real" friends. And as for speaking about my problems, its just something that i find really hard to do! I think in the whole world, i could maybe, and thats a BIG maybe, i could, possibly, speak to Gem or Lottie about any emotions. That is, as long as it doesnt include them in those emotions. Online I seem to be a different person, in a sence i recon its like having a split personality disorder. Ofline, as mentioned before, im a recluse, a loner, a nobody. Whereas online, Im well likes, have loads of friends and can talk openly about what I want! Is this wrong? Or is it just the consequences of the information age of the 21st century?
This is turning out to be a really long post! hehe! Havent heard about the IT coordinators job yet! the deadline for applications was the 1st and interviews are on the 11th and 12th so I should hear something soon. As for college, I have my induction on Friday. Im really looking forward to it. Cant wait to get back to oxpens! Its going to open up a whole new life for me, with new friends, and all that. At least it will get me out of the house! Its also my great grandmothers 96th birthday tomorrow (umm.. today? *checks time* yup, today) well.. on Wendsday! lol So im going up to hers in the morning with a birthday cake and biscuits and babycham for her and all the people who live in the sheltered house that shes in! No one knows if this will be her last birthday or not, but shes losing it! and she cant walk very far. I know i speak badly of her sometimes, and its her fault for the way she is, but that was all down to her up bringing. Living through two world wars must of been tough! anyway.. I know i speak badly of her sometimes, but I do love her, she is family afterall!
God Im sooooo nervous about this job, yet college hasnt even hit me yet, not nervous about that in one bit! but seeming as Ive been to college before, its not something new to me, so thats proberly why!
Right... enough is enough! gonna go and advertise my blog! hehe!
And todays tunage is...... Sinead O'Connor - Nothing compares to you
I write in here for a way to express myself, not to anyone who visits, cos lets face it.. no one reads this shit, but it lets me express my feelings for myself and others an insight back into my week. Especially if I've been having trouble or been stressed, at the end of the week or month or whatever, i can go back to my blog and look at what i wrote, and work out what made me stressed! Ok, so I dont use my real name, but its on my email address and profile if anyone wanted to know! And if someone did read this then fine! Everyone who knows me personally, knows that i speak my mind and if i feel something i will say it! Yes there are a few people who might be shocked if they read this! ie Lottie and the way I feel for her etc But If they then, after reading this, turn out not to like me, was it really worth me being their friend in the first place?
Out in the "real" world Idont show my emotions very well. Im a recluse and a loner, with few friends, and even fewer "real" friends. And as for speaking about my problems, its just something that i find really hard to do! I think in the whole world, i could maybe, and thats a BIG maybe, i could, possibly, speak to Gem or Lottie about any emotions. That is, as long as it doesnt include them in those emotions. Online I seem to be a different person, in a sence i recon its like having a split personality disorder. Ofline, as mentioned before, im a recluse, a loner, a nobody. Whereas online, Im well likes, have loads of friends and can talk openly about what I want! Is this wrong? Or is it just the consequences of the information age of the 21st century?
This is turning out to be a really long post! hehe! Havent heard about the IT coordinators job yet! the deadline for applications was the 1st and interviews are on the 11th and 12th so I should hear something soon. As for college, I have my induction on Friday. Im really looking forward to it. Cant wait to get back to oxpens! Its going to open up a whole new life for me, with new friends, and all that. At least it will get me out of the house! Its also my great grandmothers 96th birthday tomorrow (umm.. today? *checks time* yup, today) well.. on Wendsday! lol So im going up to hers in the morning with a birthday cake and biscuits and babycham for her and all the people who live in the sheltered house that shes in! No one knows if this will be her last birthday or not, but shes losing it! and she cant walk very far. I know i speak badly of her sometimes, and its her fault for the way she is, but that was all down to her up bringing. Living through two world wars must of been tough! anyway.. I know i speak badly of her sometimes, but I do love her, she is family afterall!
God Im sooooo nervous about this job, yet college hasnt even hit me yet, not nervous about that in one bit! but seeming as Ive been to college before, its not something new to me, so thats proberly why!
Right... enough is enough! gonna go and advertise my blog! hehe!
And todays tunage is...... Sinead O'Connor - Nothing compares to you
Wednesday, 30 August 2006
mixed emotions?
So Im at Jo's today, and Jo asked me if I could watch the kids while she went to her buddist meeting, which was fine with me, but hannah and Jennifer arrived and Jen came up to me and told me
I, in no way, act as though Im more important than anyone else! god...
I dont care... i left as soon as i could!
If she wants to think that, its her opinion...
Words like that go in one ear and out the other....
On a lighter side... cant wait for college! Induction on the 8th and start on the 29th! god I want to start now! Also going to alton towers on the 7th with Gemma and leah... and hopefully Charlotte will be coming! but she starts college on the 5th.. .so im not sure!
Everytime I speak to lottie she keeps saying i love you and miss you... and I do love her... but from the way shes saying it... its like... ummm... what do i do? does she love me as a frien? or love me as something more? I know i love her, but im confused, because the subject has come up a few times, and every time we speak about it, we have always said that nothing will happen because our friendship is worth too much.
And todays tunage is...... pink - U+UR hand
"Your arrogant, I dont like you, but i'll put up with you because you've been invited to stay"Im like so? Me? arrogant? ok then... I'm arrogant? I'm anything but arrogant!
arrogant
adjective
unpleasantly proud and behaving as if you are more important than, or know more than, other people:
- I found him arrogant and rude.
arrogantly
adverb
- The authorities had behaved arrogantly, she said.
arrogance
noun {U}
- He has a self-confidence that is sometimes seen as arrogance.
I, in no way, act as though Im more important than anyone else! god...
I dont care... i left as soon as i could!
If she wants to think that, its her opinion...
Words like that go in one ear and out the other....
On a lighter side... cant wait for college! Induction on the 8th and start on the 29th! god I want to start now! Also going to alton towers on the 7th with Gemma and leah... and hopefully Charlotte will be coming! but she starts college on the 5th.. .so im not sure!
Everytime I speak to lottie she keeps saying i love you and miss you... and I do love her... but from the way shes saying it... its like... ummm... what do i do? does she love me as a frien? or love me as something more? I know i love her, but im confused, because the subject has come up a few times, and every time we speak about it, we have always said that nothing will happen because our friendship is worth too much.
And todays tunage is...... pink - U+UR hand
Monday, 21 August 2006
Change around
So my life is changing... Im not working yet, and no, im still single, but Ive applied for this really great job. Its for an IT coordinator at a family centre teaching adults on how to use a computer. Its only basic skills and i could do it with my eyes closed. It also pays £2k which is really good if i get the job i will be able to pay off my debts withing a few weeks!
Ive also got my welcome pack from college! I have my induction on the 8th September. And start college on the 29th! Cant wait, and if i get the job as well it will be cool!
And todays tunage is...... Kid Rock - Picture
Ive also got my welcome pack from college! I have my induction on the 8th September. And start college on the 29th! Cant wait, and if i get the job as well it will be cool!
And todays tunage is...... Kid Rock - Picture
Wednesday, 9 August 2006
Stressful life!
Ok, So im stressed, Im usually stressed, but this is worse! Usually when im stressed I work better, and can control it, usually with cigarettes! But Im starting to smoke alot more now, and I dont have a job so I cant put my energy into work, Im soo stressed that I dont have the energy to work at home! My life is going down hill, and when i already thought it had hit rock bottom!
Went to Woburn Safari Park today with Gemma & Leah! It was great fun, and I was glad to get out of the house for a while! I needed a break from sitting on my arse all day! lol! Havent seen Gemma in a while either! When we got back to Gemma's she was speaking to Natalie, who I really fancy, and she was asking her what i thought of her etc, and it was basically a no go area! so thats out of the question! But Im not really bothered!
Every Girl I fall in love with is either taken, married, lives too far away, or in the rare cases that they are single, they dont want to know me! Its just my luck! When all I want is a relationship! Girls put that male stereotype on every guy they meet! and dont deny it! its the "All i want is sex", "I just want you for your body" or the "Im gonna use you" or "you can do all my housework" Its those types of stereotypes that are put onto guys, and ok, I must admit, its true for the 95% of guys out there! They are mostly looking for one night stands, or someone to get laid with! But Im different and why cant they bloody well see that?
I want a long lasting relationship! I want someone for who they are, not for how slim they are. I go for personality etc, I dont care if shes a size 18, as long as she makes me happy! I mean, ok, Yes looks do play a role in it, but Im not fussed! Admittedly, If the gal has looks, it looks better to your friends, while your out etc!
Im not asking a gal to stay at home all day, washing cooking and cleaning, While im down the pub with the guys! I like cleaning and cooking! It doesnt bother me! I'd gladly stay at home, look after the kids while my wife is out working, if thats what she wanted! But the gals dont see that side of me, and by the time they notice that side, their with someone or are maried!
Damn this is a long rant!
Fuck nows why Im even doing this any more!
I think only 1 or 2 people have ever read any of it!
Oh well, shit happens, and life goes on!
And todays tunage is...... Linkin park - Numb
Went to Woburn Safari Park today with Gemma & Leah! It was great fun, and I was glad to get out of the house for a while! I needed a break from sitting on my arse all day! lol! Havent seen Gemma in a while either! When we got back to Gemma's she was speaking to Natalie, who I really fancy, and she was asking her what i thought of her etc, and it was basically a no go area! so thats out of the question! But Im not really bothered!
Every Girl I fall in love with is either taken, married, lives too far away, or in the rare cases that they are single, they dont want to know me! Its just my luck! When all I want is a relationship! Girls put that male stereotype on every guy they meet! and dont deny it! its the "All i want is sex", "I just want you for your body" or the "Im gonna use you" or "you can do all my housework" Its those types of stereotypes that are put onto guys, and ok, I must admit, its true for the 95% of guys out there! They are mostly looking for one night stands, or someone to get laid with! But Im different and why cant they bloody well see that?
I want a long lasting relationship! I want someone for who they are, not for how slim they are. I go for personality etc, I dont care if shes a size 18, as long as she makes me happy! I mean, ok, Yes looks do play a role in it, but Im not fussed! Admittedly, If the gal has looks, it looks better to your friends, while your out etc!
Im not asking a gal to stay at home all day, washing cooking and cleaning, While im down the pub with the guys! I like cleaning and cooking! It doesnt bother me! I'd gladly stay at home, look after the kids while my wife is out working, if thats what she wanted! But the gals dont see that side of me, and by the time they notice that side, their with someone or are maried!
Damn this is a long rant!
Fuck nows why Im even doing this any more!
I think only 1 or 2 people have ever read any of it!
Oh well, shit happens, and life goes on!
And todays tunage is...... Linkin park - Numb
Tuesday, 25 July 2006
boring boring boring
Hello to all you invisible people who dont read my blog! Ive been bored out of my head all week! Havent really done much, so done have much to write about! I've posted all of the pictures of Gemma & Carl's wedding onto a website that can be found HERE!
Ive been playing alot of Day of Defeat... IF any of you that dont read this play DoD my screen name is chunky1818 and Im up for a challenge! but Im warning you now! Im shit at it! But its good fun, and I dont really care about the points!
Spoke to Maria today, her mom and younger brother are really ill and the docs dont know why! So I hope they both get better really soon! Had Andrea's First birthday party on sunday! That wasnt bad! My dad was actually sober for once, and there was no alcohol, which makes a change! I saw Kelly there, which was great! Havent seen her since way before Christmas last year, and shes looking great as ever!
Of course, none of you know any of these people Im talking about do you! Well... Maria is a friend I met online, and she lives up north somewhere near blackpool! I swear when she goes on webcam her eyes are blue, but they arnt! But I still tease her about it! Andrea is my nephew, thats my sister's (Stacey) baby boy! And Kelly? Well I've known Kelly for around 10 years now! Shes a friend of Stacey's and now one of my friends! Shes a great person! and I wish I could see more of her!
Now I'm not working I really should try and see more of my friends! Like I said, I havent seen Kelly since forever, And Chrystal... OMG! havent seen her in even longer! I miss seeing my friends! Especially Chrystal! I think she used to have a thing forme.. not quite sure but she was always dropping hints at me... and theres that night.... that...ummm... NEVER HAPPENED! promise! (dont i lie well!)
Who else havent I seen.. Well theres Jenna, I love Jenna, but shes got a boyfriend Joe, and hes cool, and shes happy, or at least I think she is... BUt i havent seen her in at least 2 or 3 months!
Well... now Im not working, I can start to do things that I couldnt before... More laters!
Peace!
And todays tunage is...... Billy Joel - New York state of mind
Ive been playing alot of Day of Defeat... IF any of you that dont read this play DoD my screen name is chunky1818 and Im up for a challenge! but Im warning you now! Im shit at it! But its good fun, and I dont really care about the points!
Spoke to Maria today, her mom and younger brother are really ill and the docs dont know why! So I hope they both get better really soon! Had Andrea's First birthday party on sunday! That wasnt bad! My dad was actually sober for once, and there was no alcohol, which makes a change! I saw Kelly there, which was great! Havent seen her since way before Christmas last year, and shes looking great as ever!
Of course, none of you know any of these people Im talking about do you! Well... Maria is a friend I met online, and she lives up north somewhere near blackpool! I swear when she goes on webcam her eyes are blue, but they arnt! But I still tease her about it! Andrea is my nephew, thats my sister's (Stacey) baby boy! And Kelly? Well I've known Kelly for around 10 years now! Shes a friend of Stacey's and now one of my friends! Shes a great person! and I wish I could see more of her!
Now I'm not working I really should try and see more of my friends! Like I said, I havent seen Kelly since forever, And Chrystal... OMG! havent seen her in even longer! I miss seeing my friends! Especially Chrystal! I think she used to have a thing forme.. not quite sure but she was always dropping hints at me... and theres that night.... that...ummm... NEVER HAPPENED! promise! (dont i lie well!)
Who else havent I seen.. Well theres Jenna, I love Jenna, but shes got a boyfriend Joe, and hes cool, and shes happy, or at least I think she is... BUt i havent seen her in at least 2 or 3 months!
Well... now Im not working, I can start to do things that I couldnt before... More laters!
Peace!
And todays tunage is...... Billy Joel - New York state of mind
Saturday, 15 July 2006
long time no post
OMG! its been like 10 days since i last wrote here! My life has been really hectic! Stayed at Gemma's for 5 days, and finally got home last tuesday! We went clubbing with Natalie, and shes like, omg fit as hell! lol! and we had a bbq! and just generally chilled out!
My 22nd Birthday was yesterday, and I got fuck all! my nan spent just under £100 on me, got a £50 pair of ben shirman shoes, a ben shirman shirt and a tie, mainly cos i needed the shirt and tie for Gemma and Carls wedding tomorrow! Its going to be great, but I borrowed Lotties camcorder, and its not working! Its ashame but at least i have my camera! The wedding is at midday, then the party afterwards at the JR social club! Today (friday) I went to the job centre to sign on, and have to go back in two weeks and will get my first money on the 1st August!
As for any other birthday presents, I got nothing, Only got 5 cards, and thats it! Never even got a pressent from my own mother! now thats what you call family love! Isnt life great when your own parents dont even recignize your own birthday! Its stupid, cos I was hoping for some money as I havent got any for gemma's wedding, or rather, the party afterwards!
Havent heard anything from mices, they owe me around two weeks wages! Will phone them on monday and see whats going on!
Also while i was at Gemma's, She gave me and Carl this idea of setting up our own business for building custom made computers. Its a great idea, so Im going to start researching it, to see what the costs, and needs are for this kind of service! Carl has the know-how to build computers and I know the basics. I have the knowledge of the business side of things, so we know we could do it, but its funding for it! Carl suggested getting people to pay for us to build the computer, then we use that money to buy the things we need, build it, and send it to them! It may work that way, but its unlikely! I havent done any research yet, but most are premade, and you buy them and they are shipped to you within a week! Im gonna look around and speak to people and see how it goes! MAy even pop into citizens advice and see what they can help me with! I recon on needing around £2500 to get set up with at a minimum of 5 working PC's to start off. If we sell these with enough profit for us to buy enough stuff to make another 5 computers, and still be able to undercut the mainstream businesses, it should pick up quite well! I will write later about the progress!
And todays tunage is...... Atreyu - Her portrait in black
My 22nd Birthday was yesterday, and I got fuck all! my nan spent just under £100 on me, got a £50 pair of ben shirman shoes, a ben shirman shirt and a tie, mainly cos i needed the shirt and tie for Gemma and Carls wedding tomorrow! Its going to be great, but I borrowed Lotties camcorder, and its not working! Its ashame but at least i have my camera! The wedding is at midday, then the party afterwards at the JR social club! Today (friday) I went to the job centre to sign on, and have to go back in two weeks and will get my first money on the 1st August!
As for any other birthday presents, I got nothing, Only got 5 cards, and thats it! Never even got a pressent from my own mother! now thats what you call family love! Isnt life great when your own parents dont even recignize your own birthday! Its stupid, cos I was hoping for some money as I havent got any for gemma's wedding, or rather, the party afterwards!
Havent heard anything from mices, they owe me around two weeks wages! Will phone them on monday and see whats going on!
Also while i was at Gemma's, She gave me and Carl this idea of setting up our own business for building custom made computers. Its a great idea, so Im going to start researching it, to see what the costs, and needs are for this kind of service! Carl has the know-how to build computers and I know the basics. I have the knowledge of the business side of things, so we know we could do it, but its funding for it! Carl suggested getting people to pay for us to build the computer, then we use that money to buy the things we need, build it, and send it to them! It may work that way, but its unlikely! I havent done any research yet, but most are premade, and you buy them and they are shipped to you within a week! Im gonna look around and speak to people and see how it goes! MAy even pop into citizens advice and see what they can help me with! I recon on needing around £2500 to get set up with at a minimum of 5 working PC's to start off. If we sell these with enough profit for us to buy enough stuff to make another 5 computers, and still be able to undercut the mainstream businesses, it should pick up quite well! I will write later about the progress!
And todays tunage is...... Atreyu - Her portrait in black
Wednesday, 5 July 2006
Its offical
Yup! Its offical! My life is shit! Havent heard anything from work yet... nothing about redundancy pay, which i dont think I'll get anyway! and nothing about the pay they owe me! Havent heard back from the person Jo passed my email to either...
Also got the debt collecters on me asking me to pay off the £2k i owe them... which i cant do seeming as im not working! Gonna go to the job centre tomorrow and see about signing on!at least that will give me a lil money! Also gonna go job hunting! need to print of some copies of my CV as well!
So thats my life sorted out for the next year! lmao! no job, no money, no life, no girlfriend! do I really need to continue!
Im actually going to Gemmas hen party! yup! thats right! me in a room full of woman! hehe! That might be some fun! especially if they are single! ashame the one girl I love is the one getting married! At least shes happy! and Carl seems like a nice guy! So Im happy for her! Im also going to the wedding! I've promised Gem I wont do anything stupid! I can picture it now! with the preist asking "does anyone object?" and I shout out "I do"
That wont happen! I wouldnt do that, they are happy together and thats a good thing! I wouldnt destroy that for the world! But it seems everyone I have ever fallen in love with is either unavailable, with someone, lives too far away, or is otherwise engaged with someone else! At least I got my Monique! but shes away for two weeks! I miss talking to her! shes great and the feelings I have for her! Man! I've never, ever felt that way for anyone, ever! I didnt even feel this strongly for Alison and you all know how i was like with her!
And todays tunage is...... Kanye West Ft. Jamie Foxx - extravaganza
Also got the debt collecters on me asking me to pay off the £2k i owe them... which i cant do seeming as im not working! Gonna go to the job centre tomorrow and see about signing on!at least that will give me a lil money! Also gonna go job hunting! need to print of some copies of my CV as well!
So thats my life sorted out for the next year! lmao! no job, no money, no life, no girlfriend! do I really need to continue!
Im actually going to Gemmas hen party! yup! thats right! me in a room full of woman! hehe! That might be some fun! especially if they are single! ashame the one girl I love is the one getting married! At least shes happy! and Carl seems like a nice guy! So Im happy for her! Im also going to the wedding! I've promised Gem I wont do anything stupid! I can picture it now! with the preist asking "does anyone object?" and I shout out "I do"
That wont happen! I wouldnt do that, they are happy together and thats a good thing! I wouldnt destroy that for the world! But it seems everyone I have ever fallen in love with is either unavailable, with someone, lives too far away, or is otherwise engaged with someone else! At least I got my Monique! but shes away for two weeks! I miss talking to her! shes great and the feelings I have for her! Man! I've never, ever felt that way for anyone, ever! I didnt even feel this strongly for Alison and you all know how i was like with her!
And todays tunage is...... Kanye West Ft. Jamie Foxx - extravaganza
Saturday, 1 July 2006
Man without a job!
So its 2 days nowsince i was made redundant, and life has been sweet! No early morning wake ups, no late shifts! and ive spoken to Jo andshes passed on my email addy to someone at the Rose Hill community centre who does internet centres there and i may be able to get a job there helping and teaching people how to use computers! Now that would be ghood, along with me going back to college in september!
Anyway.. All I'vedone is work work work, but at least its been at home! I've cleaned out titch and mitzy! Done a ton of washing, sorted and tidied my bedroom, done some shopping, my ironing, and sat for hours on end browsing VF and playing Midnight Club 3 Dub edition! Its a great game... but really? I'm playing it like 6 / 7 hours at a time... What to do with time on your hands!
I've also hung my pictures back up on my walls, I took them down when I decorated, but that was like 5 months ago and I never put them up! I dont believe Im over Alison... All my pics used to be ALison, Alison, Alison, and okay, I still got one of her pics up but now ive got one of tylah and zack, one of my two cousins and their boyfriends (or should I say ex's), one of monique and one with chinese writing on it!
And todays tunage is...... Jimmy eats world - Pain
Anyway.. All I'vedone is work work work, but at least its been at home! I've cleaned out titch and mitzy! Done a ton of washing, sorted and tidied my bedroom, done some shopping, my ironing, and sat for hours on end browsing VF and playing Midnight Club 3 Dub edition! Its a great game... but really? I'm playing it like 6 / 7 hours at a time... What to do with time on your hands!
I've also hung my pictures back up on my walls, I took them down when I decorated, but that was like 5 months ago and I never put them up! I dont believe Im over Alison... All my pics used to be ALison, Alison, Alison, and okay, I still got one of her pics up but now ive got one of tylah and zack, one of my two cousins and their boyfriends (or should I say ex's), one of monique and one with chinese writing on it!
And todays tunage is...... Jimmy eats world - Pain
Wednesday, 28 June 2006
then there was one... now there is none
ok... so you all know one of our mices stores got closed down! now we closed the other one and we have all been made redundant! Its not that its bothering me, but its the fact that they havent kept us all informed about whats happening!
I walked into work, just before 5pm and danny and frisby were outside... and they said that alex (the owner of mices) was coming in! so i went for my cigarette and got changed for work, alex and richard walk in at 5:10pm and by 5:20pmwe had everyone out of the building! Alex had us all sit down and told us the company was in liquidation, although the parent company, Redstone systems, wasn't?!?
Mices owe something around the six figue mark! and with rent being £40k a year and £1.5k a month council tax... the bills were adding up! so we have all been made redundant! but we did kinda celebrate, richard gotthe wine out the cupboard, and we all had some! then me, frisbyand will went to the gloc for a pint! Its going to be ashame not working with them, but life will go on! and im sure we will all stay intouch!
And todays tunage is...... Project Valkyre - The battle for Valhalla
I walked into work, just before 5pm and danny and frisby were outside... and they said that alex (the owner of mices) was coming in! so i went for my cigarette and got changed for work, alex and richard walk in at 5:10pm and by 5:20pmwe had everyone out of the building! Alex had us all sit down and told us the company was in liquidation, although the parent company, Redstone systems, wasn't?!?
Mices owe something around the six figue mark! and with rent being £40k a year and £1.5k a month council tax... the bills were adding up! so we have all been made redundant! but we did kinda celebrate, richard gotthe wine out the cupboard, and we all had some! then me, frisbyand will went to the gloc for a pint! Its going to be ashame not working with them, but life will go on! and im sure we will all stay intouch!
And todays tunage is...... Project Valkyre - The battle for Valhalla
Tuesday, 27 June 2006
I think im in love....
OK now! So its been like 4 years ( well since 24th July 2002) since my last proper realtionship!
And I think IM in love... Shes like the best! Monique!!!!! I love ya hunz! And I know you live in south africa, and Im stuck here in the uk... and the long distance thing and all! but i really wish it works! She makes me laugh, she listens to me and i care for her soo much! I havent felt this way since Alison! oh god, that brings back memories!
Anyway.... I really want it to work between me and Monique, even with the long distances and all! Not that anyone reads this! apart from monique of course.... but I love her! and need to tell someone! It doesnt usually work between me and girls! but this... ITs like true love! Its not only love tho, its like a mutual bond between us, we just connect, i think! Thats how it feels with me. Im usually really shy around woman, but with monique, I just open up to her, I can tell her anything, without getting shy! If anyone wants to contribute to the james & Monique funds! Help me pay for airfare so I can go over there... PLEASE HELP! lmfao!
LOVE YOU MONIQUE!
And todays tunage is...... Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
And I think IM in love... Shes like the best! Monique!!!!! I love ya hunz! And I know you live in south africa, and Im stuck here in the uk... and the long distance thing and all! but i really wish it works! She makes me laugh, she listens to me and i care for her soo much! I havent felt this way since Alison! oh god, that brings back memories!
Anyway.... I really want it to work between me and Monique, even with the long distances and all! Not that anyone reads this! apart from monique of course.... but I love her! and need to tell someone! It doesnt usually work between me and girls! but this... ITs like true love! Its not only love tho, its like a mutual bond between us, we just connect, i think! Thats how it feels with me. Im usually really shy around woman, but with monique, I just open up to her, I can tell her anything, without getting shy! If anyone wants to contribute to the james & Monique funds! Help me pay for airfare so I can go over there... PLEASE HELP! lmfao!
LOVE YOU MONIQUE!
And todays tunage is...... Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
oh Im going to Windsor!
Going to Windsor to meet lottie today! Meeting Gemma at midday at the icerink and we are driving down! Its gonna be soooooo good to get my cuddle from lottie! God I miss her! Cant wait to see her! But Im sat in work right now, waiting for Richard to come in so I can get my pay! Where the hell is he! I need to do some shopping before I meet Gemma as well! credit, cigarettes etc.... drink.....
Also going out tonight... More than likely be in the Wheatshief! Graeme has a new bartender called maria, and she and her friend (cant remember her name, oh oh god is she cute) are going to watch the france Vs Spain match! Mainly cos Maria is french... I think... anyway.. Her friend... Shes Polish, and shes really nice! and she asked me to come.. So I have to be back in oxford by 8pm! so I can go and watch the match, not that I like football. But in the company of some sexy ladies, and with Graeme! It might turn out okay! Maria and Graeme are working tonight, So I may ask maria's friend if she wants to go to Ponana's with me, and we can chill out there! Ohh.. and this friend. she works at the Grand Cafe, as a waitress! So thats cool, and her and maria both study at brookes! but I forget what they are studying!
Will find out more about her tonight, She drinks stella, and smokes, and umm... thats just about everything I know!
Also going out tonight... More than likely be in the Wheatshief! Graeme has a new bartender called maria, and she and her friend (cant remember her name, oh oh god is she cute) are going to watch the france Vs Spain match! Mainly cos Maria is french... I think... anyway.. Her friend... Shes Polish, and shes really nice! and she asked me to come.. So I have to be back in oxford by 8pm! so I can go and watch the match, not that I like football. But in the company of some sexy ladies, and with Graeme! It might turn out okay! Maria and Graeme are working tonight, So I may ask maria's friend if she wants to go to Ponana's with me, and we can chill out there! Ohh.. and this friend. she works at the Grand Cafe, as a waitress! So thats cool, and her and maria both study at brookes! but I forget what they are studying!
Will find out more about her tonight, She drinks stella, and smokes, and umm... thats just about everything I know!
Sunday, 25 June 2006
and out comes the stupid people!
Bloody football! I hate it, it makes everyone, especially the english, act all stupid! who cares about a group of guys kicking a ball around a feild! I dont mind playing it, but the world cup is crazy! It makes work empty, which is boring, and theres nothing to do! Its just another excuse for the english to start fights, etc!
Saturday, 24 June 2006
where is everyone?
OK now! My blog has been up and running since 11th June, thats 13 days, and I havent had a single comment! Im gonna get a hit counter just to see whos looking at it! maybe no one! but IM actively advertising it! and theres links on my website which people keep looking at.... Maybe they are laughing to much to comment, or i might just be boring! or using large words that they dont understand! Or maybe its the simple fact that no one cares about me? well the feelings mutual!
Tuesday Im meant to be going down to see lottie, not so sure now... same with going to tylah's ! I just dont know what Im doing at the moment! My life is a total mess and ummmmm..... yeah.....
Anyway... the boys, Lewis, Zack, Dale and Tylah came in today... while I was at work... Their all annoying! Everyone is annoying tho at the moment! I just wanna be left alone to die! Dont want to sound emo or anything, but my life really is that shit at the moment! And if anyone actually read this blog they would understand that...
My nan keeps moaning about me, and she hasnt got a fucking clue about what Im going through at the moment! I just cant deal with my life at the moment! One of my friends actually asked me to go to see a physcologist! and try to sort out all my problems! Ummm I think the answer to that was a big fat NO!
Well my life still goes on... Even if I dont want it to, but Im not about to do anything stupid, I tried it once, Im not about to do it again, cos no matter how much I wanted my life to end back in the days, theres always the good things that Ive done that I wouldnt of missed for the world! Yeah they are far and few between, but they still happened to me! I just wonder what would of happened if I never met Alison, or we never split up and I tried to kill myself, If none of that ever happened? would my life of turned out differently? would some cosmic fate sorted my life out so it was all rosey and perky?
Hang on... I can be rosey and perky, Im just not about to go down the drugs road again! anyway... thats a different story! and one Im not about to tell anyone! It involves me, drugs, and copous amounts of alcohol! oh god, bring back the good ole days!
Tuesday Im meant to be going down to see lottie, not so sure now... same with going to tylah's ! I just dont know what Im doing at the moment! My life is a total mess and ummmmm..... yeah.....
Anyway... the boys, Lewis, Zack, Dale and Tylah came in today... while I was at work... Their all annoying! Everyone is annoying tho at the moment! I just wanna be left alone to die! Dont want to sound emo or anything, but my life really is that shit at the moment! And if anyone actually read this blog they would understand that...
My nan keeps moaning about me, and she hasnt got a fucking clue about what Im going through at the moment! I just cant deal with my life at the moment! One of my friends actually asked me to go to see a physcologist! and try to sort out all my problems! Ummm I think the answer to that was a big fat NO!
Well my life still goes on... Even if I dont want it to, but Im not about to do anything stupid, I tried it once, Im not about to do it again, cos no matter how much I wanted my life to end back in the days, theres always the good things that Ive done that I wouldnt of missed for the world! Yeah they are far and few between, but they still happened to me! I just wonder what would of happened if I never met Alison, or we never split up and I tried to kill myself, If none of that ever happened? would my life of turned out differently? would some cosmic fate sorted my life out so it was all rosey and perky?
Hang on... I can be rosey and perky, Im just not about to go down the drugs road again! anyway... thats a different story! and one Im not about to tell anyone! It involves me, drugs, and copous amounts of alcohol! oh god, bring back the good ole days!
Friday, 23 June 2006
Me with Lottie? wont happen!
so I was speaking to Jo online today, Jo is Lottie's mom! She came out with "is something going on between you and my daughter?" and I was like what? no! were just really close friends! Now... My dad thought something was going on.. cos I stayed there and we shared a bed... My nan thinks the same as do the boys (I think!)
Now lets get this all straight! Even though I love her, and have feelings for her, and I care for her with all my heart... Nothing has, and nothing will, ever happen with me and Lottie! We are just two close friends! Even Gemma thought something was going on... its like NO! Will people get it into their heads that this is 2006 and two friends, thats a male and a female, can be just friends without anything going on under the covers! Even if those two friends share a bed on the odd occasion, it is always fully clothed, kinda....
And even if I did want something more to happen, it wouldnt, it would ruin our friendship, and I cherish that more than anything in the whole world! Shes one of my best and closest friends. So lets hope this has put you all in place!
Spent most of my shift at work tonight cleaning the kitchen, reorginising everything and sorting it all into place! also washed the windows so its all nice and clean! I know i shouldnt of done it cos it wont last that long... Not with the guys at work anyway...
Tylah has really pissed me off as well! was speaking to her last night online and she said she was coming to oxford today, wish was cool, and she was gonna stay at Lewis' which is also cool! She was getting into oxford at 11:30am! So i said as Im not working I will meet her at the station, and she was like, no, its ok, dale is meeting me, and she hates dale, but i thought ok. and i said I could still meet her as Im not at work til 5pm but shes was all like no, Im only gonna get of the train and straight onto the bus to see zack, so I was like whats wrong with me coming? and she said that she wanted it to be just her and zack, so i was like, arn't dale and lew gonna be there? and she said yeah, so its like whats wrong with me there as well? and she said that the boys dont get in the way, which they always do! so i said they do, and im the one who usually stops them getting in the way, and she basically said she didnt want me there, so i was like fuck off bitch! and i blocked her!
Havent spoken to her since, but i have had zack on the phone wanting to know why i called her a bitch, and dale txt me, and I told Julie, thats Tylah's mom! I just dont care! If shes gonna be like that then to hell with me going to her birthday party and her expecting me to pay for alcohol etc! and her present! She cant even spend the day with zack anyway he was babysitting til 9pm and from what i been told hes baby sitting all day tomorrow!
LIFE IS SHIT!
And todays tunage is...... Papa Roach - Build a bridge
Now lets get this all straight! Even though I love her, and have feelings for her, and I care for her with all my heart... Nothing has, and nothing will, ever happen with me and Lottie! We are just two close friends! Even Gemma thought something was going on... its like NO! Will people get it into their heads that this is 2006 and two friends, thats a male and a female, can be just friends without anything going on under the covers! Even if those two friends share a bed on the odd occasion, it is always fully clothed, kinda....
And even if I did want something more to happen, it wouldnt, it would ruin our friendship, and I cherish that more than anything in the whole world! Shes one of my best and closest friends. So lets hope this has put you all in place!
Spent most of my shift at work tonight cleaning the kitchen, reorginising everything and sorting it all into place! also washed the windows so its all nice and clean! I know i shouldnt of done it cos it wont last that long... Not with the guys at work anyway...
Tylah has really pissed me off as well! was speaking to her last night online and she said she was coming to oxford today, wish was cool, and she was gonna stay at Lewis' which is also cool! She was getting into oxford at 11:30am! So i said as Im not working I will meet her at the station, and she was like, no, its ok, dale is meeting me, and she hates dale, but i thought ok. and i said I could still meet her as Im not at work til 5pm but shes was all like no, Im only gonna get of the train and straight onto the bus to see zack, so I was like whats wrong with me coming? and she said that she wanted it to be just her and zack, so i was like, arn't dale and lew gonna be there? and she said yeah, so its like whats wrong with me there as well? and she said that the boys dont get in the way, which they always do! so i said they do, and im the one who usually stops them getting in the way, and she basically said she didnt want me there, so i was like fuck off bitch! and i blocked her!
Havent spoken to her since, but i have had zack on the phone wanting to know why i called her a bitch, and dale txt me, and I told Julie, thats Tylah's mom! I just dont care! If shes gonna be like that then to hell with me going to her birthday party and her expecting me to pay for alcohol etc! and her present! She cant even spend the day with zack anyway he was babysitting til 9pm and from what i been told hes baby sitting all day tomorrow!
LIFE IS SHIT!
And todays tunage is...... Papa Roach - Build a bridge
Wednesday, 21 June 2006
Random amounts of spending
Yes, Thats right! i been stupid and spent my hard earnt cash on stupid things! Yesterday I went to the cinema with zack to watch fast & the furious: tokyo drift... Its was excellent! tripped out cars, stunning girls and awesome music! everything a man could want! Also brought the underworld box set! thats both films, on DVD which is cool! i seen both films before and i already own the first one on dvd, but it was worth it!
Today I brought a few cd's!
System of a down - Steal this album
Limp Bizkit - Greatest Hitz
Tupac - Sunset Blvd
They are all good! wasnt sure bout the SOAD album... but its pretty good! well... apart from the first track! Havent listened to the other two yet, but limp bizkit is usually good and tupac... well, that just doesnt need commenting on! Tupac just is ghetto! And its another one of his albums to add to my growing compalation! i think thats around 12 of his albums I've got now! Just a few more to get!
I've also put £50 into savings! I actually got a £50 nite in my pay so I've put it away! gonna try to put at least that much away each week! and in a few months i'll be able to afford a top quality gaming machine! GREAT!
anyway....
Sat in work... and water starts leaking from above, running through a light socket! So off go the lights and the 2 nearest computers... but this isnt your typical small leak! Its fucking pouring through! ITs from Flat 67 above the store! so whoever you are? fucking sort it out! its like a full blown tap thats been turned on! no small trickle of water!
Today I brought a few cd's!
System of a down - Steal this album
Limp Bizkit - Greatest Hitz
Tupac - Sunset Blvd
They are all good! wasnt sure bout the SOAD album... but its pretty good! well... apart from the first track! Havent listened to the other two yet, but limp bizkit is usually good and tupac... well, that just doesnt need commenting on! Tupac just is ghetto! And its another one of his albums to add to my growing compalation! i think thats around 12 of his albums I've got now! Just a few more to get!
I've also put £50 into savings! I actually got a £50 nite in my pay so I've put it away! gonna try to put at least that much away each week! and in a few months i'll be able to afford a top quality gaming machine! GREAT!
anyway....
Sat in work... and water starts leaking from above, running through a light socket! So off go the lights and the 2 nearest computers... but this isnt your typical small leak! Its fucking pouring through! ITs from Flat 67 above the store! so whoever you are? fucking sort it out! its like a full blown tap thats been turned on! no small trickle of water!
Tuesday, 20 June 2006
so what!
so no one reads my blog! I dont really care! Im still gonna write in here, even if it is just for me! It gives me a way to vent all my frustration without going back to punching things! anyway.....
VF server 4 is down! so i cant check my mail and what not! It does a cleanup every morning and this morning it went to do it and stalled, so it hasnt finished and because of that, it wont let the site load! Graeme is trying to get hold of Jet to get it fixed, but seeming as he's stateside its only 7am there! good luck Graeme!
Got paid today.... a whole £180!!! Yippee! I really wanna buy some shoes and a pair of trousers.... or rather! a pair of combats.... something "gothic" if you can call them that....
Not sure if I should tho! I should save my money! so i can pay to go see charlotte and for gemma's wedding present, and birthday present, and tylahs birthday present, and julie's birthday present, then i got ryans and AJ's birthdays at the end of the month... also got kirsty's birthday, and garry's !
12th July-----Kirsty's 18th
13th July-----My 22nd
15th July-----Gemma's 21st
15th July-----Gemma & Carl's Wedding
17th July-----Tylah's 16th
19th July??---Julie's
23rd July??---AJ's 1st
24th July-----Eric's Birthday
24th July-----Ryan's 14th???
25th July-----Garry's 47th
I really do hate July for birthdays! theres just soo many of them! Not sure what to get anyone either!!! they will all have to wait and see what they get!
And todays tunage is...... Papa Roach - Scars
VF server 4 is down! so i cant check my mail and what not! It does a cleanup every morning and this morning it went to do it and stalled, so it hasnt finished and because of that, it wont let the site load! Graeme is trying to get hold of Jet to get it fixed, but seeming as he's stateside its only 7am there! good luck Graeme!
Got paid today.... a whole £180!!! Yippee! I really wanna buy some shoes and a pair of trousers.... or rather! a pair of combats.... something "gothic" if you can call them that....
Not sure if I should tho! I should save my money! so i can pay to go see charlotte and for gemma's wedding present, and birthday present, and tylahs birthday present, and julie's birthday present, then i got ryans and AJ's birthdays at the end of the month... also got kirsty's birthday, and garry's !
12th July-----Kirsty's 18th
13th July-----My 22nd
15th July-----Gemma's 21st
15th July-----Gemma & Carl's Wedding
17th July-----Tylah's 16th
19th July??---Julie's
23rd July??---AJ's 1st
24th July-----Eric's Birthday
24th July-----Ryan's 14th???
25th July-----Garry's 47th
I really do hate July for birthdays! theres just soo many of them! Not sure what to get anyone either!!! they will all have to wait and see what they get!
And todays tunage is...... Papa Roach - Scars
Monday, 19 June 2006
and on it goes! Unfortunately
Thinking of starting this blog with a new look on life! hoping it was gonna be all happy me, and not sad me! and thinking my life was on track again... So much for all that! As of now! my life offically stinks!
I hate this! I need a new life! can i buy yours? I just wish things would be better! I cant wait til I'm back at college, with my debts cleared, and all my problems gone! but that isnt gonna happen is it! It just gets worse and worse!
And todays tunage is...... Godsmack - Bad Magick
I hate this! I need a new life! can i buy yours? I just wish things would be better! I cant wait til I'm back at college, with my debts cleared, and all my problems gone! but that isnt gonna happen is it! It just gets worse and worse!
And todays tunage is...... Godsmack - Bad Magick
like, ummm.... i dunno
Well lottie got to winsor all safe and sound! and what she doesnt know is i had some mates keeping an eye on her! so its all kool! she says shes having fun there, and shes happy! so that makes me happy! I really do miss her tho! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Met up with graeme again last night! got a bunch of VF stickers and what not! So that was cool! Really need to do some VF promotion!
If anyone here is, ummm.... not normal! that is, to say, gothic, emo, or just a freak! you should all join VF!!!!
Just click on the banner to have a look! its a great place, and if anyone wants to know who graeme is! just look up _designer_ and give him a shout! just remember to tell him where you got the link from!
Met up with graeme again last night! got a bunch of VF stickers and what not! So that was cool! Really need to do some VF promotion!
If anyone here is, ummm.... not normal! that is, to say, gothic, emo, or just a freak! you should all join VF!!!!
Just click on the banner to have a look! its a great place, and if anyone wants to know who graeme is! just look up _designer_ and give him a shout! just remember to tell him where you got the link from!
Sunday, 18 June 2006
And down the hill I go
Yeah.. .ummm... My life stinks like ummm.... like muppet toast!
Cindy has been grounded for a month and cant come online! and I love her! and I miss her! and I want her to come online! she makes me laugh! I miss her sooooo much!
Charlotte has also moved to her aunty's in Winsor.... I almost cried when she left this morning! I'm gonna miss my hugs hunz! Oh well! WIll see you soon! Then i can have my cuddles! and I'll watch out for your mom and the kids! and I'll make sure the boys dont get into too much trouble without you around! I think the boys miss you but are too scared to admit it! You know what their like! as soon as they show any feelings then they think it makes them look weak! despite how much Zack cries! lmao! I really do love you! and I'll come visit you very very soon! even if it is just for the day!
Mices is totally shit at the moment! at least its easy cash! I met Graeme! ie _designer_ from Vampirefreaks.com!!! Hes a sound guy! we went to the gloc last friday! and the amount of people in there that we recignized from VF!!! but i dont think any of them were in the oxford cult! so ummm... VF sticker posting time! lmao!
And todays tunage is...... 1st ladi - Missing you
Cindy has been grounded for a month and cant come online! and I love her! and I miss her! and I want her to come online! she makes me laugh! I miss her sooooo much!
Charlotte has also moved to her aunty's in Winsor.... I almost cried when she left this morning! I'm gonna miss my hugs hunz! Oh well! WIll see you soon! Then i can have my cuddles! and I'll watch out for your mom and the kids! and I'll make sure the boys dont get into too much trouble without you around! I think the boys miss you but are too scared to admit it! You know what their like! as soon as they show any feelings then they think it makes them look weak! despite how much Zack cries! lmao! I really do love you! and I'll come visit you very very soon! even if it is just for the day!
Mices is totally shit at the moment! at least its easy cash! I met Graeme! ie _designer_ from Vampirefreaks.com!!! Hes a sound guy! we went to the gloc last friday! and the amount of people in there that we recignized from VF!!! but i dont think any of them were in the oxford cult! so ummm... VF sticker posting time! lmao!
And todays tunage is...... 1st ladi - Missing you
Wednesday, 14 June 2006
The cats been let out the bag
So the cat is out... and is eating all the mices! b
One of our stores got closed down on monday by the inland Revenue and all our computers were taken along with the moniters and keyboards and mouses and the coffee machine (good ridens) and the working fridge!
So now we are down to one store and with 8 members of staff that means so drop in hours! not that im sure what that means! As long as they let me do around 30 hours a week I'll be a happy mouse!
Got today off! and gonna go spend all my hard earned cash on junk etc!
More later on what i buy!
One of our stores got closed down on monday by the inland Revenue and all our computers were taken along with the moniters and keyboards and mouses and the coffee machine (good ridens) and the working fridge!
So now we are down to one store and with 8 members of staff that means so drop in hours! not that im sure what that means! As long as they let me do around 30 hours a week I'll be a happy mouse!
Got today off! and gonna go spend all my hard earned cash on junk etc!
More later on what i buy!
Sunday, 11 June 2006
where to start...
Ok now! Im not gonna start by telling my life story! If you are sad enough to want to know visit my website at www.chunky1318.com
Im 21 years old, Live in Oxford, UK and work at mices which is an internet cafe in town. Im going back to college to study an access to IT course which will hopefully, if i pass, get me into uni to study website design. That is my main goal in life! ok, I know im shit at it at the moment but with this course. I hope to improve my skills and finally take Unjustified Designs Ltd to a full scale business!
As for my friends who are going to read this. Take everything at face value. Im not about to lie, hold back information, that is, unless its sooo secret, and then i might just tell the world anyway! Im gonna speak the truth from the start til the end. And everything will be going in here!
So sit back, enjoy and anticipate the next post!
Im 21 years old, Live in Oxford, UK and work at mices which is an internet cafe in town. Im going back to college to study an access to IT course which will hopefully, if i pass, get me into uni to study website design. That is my main goal in life! ok, I know im shit at it at the moment but with this course. I hope to improve my skills and finally take Unjustified Designs Ltd to a full scale business!
As for my friends who are going to read this. Take everything at face value. Im not about to lie, hold back information, that is, unless its sooo secret, and then i might just tell the world anyway! Im gonna speak the truth from the start til the end. And everything will be going in here!
So sit back, enjoy and anticipate the next post!
like...ummm... my first blog!
this is my first post.. and im like... woah! its cool! this is soo much better than using msn spaces and its like kool! but umm... its another site and user name and password that i will have to remember! is that even possible... with the million or so sites that i already belong to? half of which i cant even remember anyway? oh well! lets see!
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