Bleh... where to start... I dont know why, but im feeling really down right now! nothings really happened to make me feel like this, so its stupid really. Ok, so everything is going on ok between me and lauren at the moment. Its been almost 2 months, and we've had our arguements, but i love her so damn much! I just been thinking back on old memories, and its depressing, so i really should stop, but i keep thinking what if this happened or what if that happened...
I also just found out a friend i like has got a new girlfriend, and im happy for them! but ive also come across some old emails from a certain person... not mentioning names... and the things we had, how it was between us, yet nothing happened... and i keep asking myself what if it did? everything is so confusing at the moment.
Id mention more but it would just make me think about it even more, and i dont want to! I want to be happy with lauren! but remembering the old times, ive had with girls that never actually turned into anything, and the things that could of happened, if i was still single right now... its hard to explain but i know what i mean! or at least i think i do!
I'm confused and depressed, and cant be bothered with this pathetic excuse of a life any more! i know, i know... i wont! but still... why cant everything be normal? Everyone seems so happy with their lifes, relationships and everything, then theres me who fucks everything up so easily. I just want to have a normal life.
anyway... going to the docs on friday, cos the pain from my op hasnt gone away, and it should have by now! meant to be back at work on tuesday! I also ordered some new bar stuff for myself, should arrive soon ish! that will cheer me up!
Peace xx
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