Stupid locum doctor!

Went to the doctors yesterday, for a number of reasons. But mainly because my sick note expires soon, I'm out of tramadol (one of my stronger painkillers) and new boils have appeared on my stomach. Problem is, I couldn't get an appointment with one of my usual doctors, and had to see a locum. Fine by me i though. A doctor is a doctor. But no! He not only started questioning me about things that have nothing to do with my illness, but also said that the pains weren't really there. right! I'm curled up in bed crying because of pains that don't exist! and with a high pain tolerance like mine, yeah, there's not really any pains! I've just been on some of the strongest pain killers, admitted to hospital twice, had my appendix removed, had an MRI and about to have a colonoscopy, because there's no pain! Not only that, he wouldn't give me any more tramadol, and almost didnt give me a sick note. Luckily he did give me a 2 week sick note, and i will be going back to see a normal doctor very very soon. I cant handle this pain I'm in! He also did nothing about the boil on my stomach, which i swear must be related to the other problems. The locum also started poking my stomach, which the other docs know hurts me, and he didnt go easy... and without telling me anything!

At least my blood results came back, and he did say they are all clear, which in one way is good, because there's no infection etc, but also bad, because it means there shouldn't be anything wrong with me, in which case, what the hell is causing this pain. Fuck knows whats going on!

Anyway... had good fun on sunday... a certain person came round to see me, and we had a lot of "fun" hehe... I wonder what will happen in the future. I like her, but after everything that's happened, i wonder how this one will turn out. Do i even want to try another realtionship at the moment? and how will this effect Charlotte? I know she likes me and i like her as well, just not enough to have a steady relationship! I will see. Also meant to be going down to see Kitty next monday, hopefully i will go, but not quite sure yet!

Will let ya know how things all go!

Peace xxx

really...why?

Hey everyone...

I mean, no one. no one really reads this anyway, if they did they might care a bit more. I'm in a fed up, don't give a fuck type of mood at the moment. I'm still ill which is really pissing me off. I miss work! Anyway, I have absolutly fuck all to do. I've had enough of the xbox, got no films to watch, finished my book, and no one online to talk to. It's not even that late.

I ended up looking through my computer, and I really need to stop looking at certain photo's. It wouldn't be so bad if i could delete them, but the photographer inside me wont let me! And just now, i saw a photo online of a certain ex, and got me thinking, which isn't such a good idea in this state of mind. Elly is still jibing me about how much better Daniel is then me, which hurts, but I'm not gonna let it show! All the people in this world that i really care about are gone now. Everyone. Laura doesn't speak to me much anymore, Elly, well... that doesn't even need an explanation. But I'm still thinking about things as far back as Georgie, and Lauren keeps going through my mind. I've heard a few things, that set a few other things straight. Lets just say, her dumping me, and all that jazz, isn't a one off, it seems its in her nature to ruin relationships.

I really don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Everything in my life is so fucked up! At least i have one or two friends who still speak to me and visit me! Megan, Gemma and Emily. but everyone else? all those other people that i really cared about, all those people who have caused my life to be like this? well screw them!

Oh, Im also modding my xbox, photo's will be up soon on my facebook! anyway, im out

Peace xx

close my eyes...

The meeting with Lauren never went to plan! i went into town to met her, and nothing, at all, she blanked me! Its a long complicated story after this, but basically, she said it was all a lie, and she wanted her boyfriend more then me. Her boyfriend started in on our facebook convo, and started asking for prove that Lauren said what she said, so i pasted all the messages she sent me! I don't care! I've now blocked / deleted her on msn, facebook etc! I was upset when all this happened, but i feel better now!

Charlotte is speaking to me again, she can never stay mad at someone for long! Which I'm happy about. Even if things don't go back to how they were, and even if we don't start dating, shes a good friend! I've also spoken to Alison! Yes, THAT Alison! the one from way back when... it was a good convo, we chatted about what happened, or at least, in part. It felt like we cleared the air. Anyway, I'm glad shes happy now, shes engaged and has a beautiful 3 year old daughter!

Not much else has happened recently. I finally got my bar equipment! yay! Completed Halo: ODST last night, its a good game, but the ending was a let down. I didn't feel the game was long enough. And you cant play online like you can in Halo 3. You can only play with friends! Oh, and the doctor signed me off work for another four weeks! I just wish they could find out whats wrong with me and sort it already! I'm missing work, and the money!

more later! Peace xxx

And todays tunage is...... Shinedown - 45 (acoustic)