Depression Vs Anxiety

And here was me, thinking 2015 was a new year with a new start. Although I always think that and it never ends up that way. I got through the whole Christmas period etc, and despite my depression getting really bad, I managed to pull myself through and cope with it all. My problem now lays in the fact that I'm still really depressed. I don't know why, or rather, its no one thing that's set it off. I think it's a mixture of a lot of small things all piling on top of each other, and I don't know how to fix any of it.

The main problem is going out would help a bit with my depression, but in doing so, would put my anxiety into overdrive and I'd end up having a massive panic attack. So I stay at home to help alleviate any anxiety but in doing so causes my depression to worsen. I can't fix both problems, it's one or the other, and at the moment, helping the anxiety is winning over the depression. Maybe it's because I've suffered from depression longer and therefore can deal with more extreme cases of it than the anxiety. But in the end, part of it is also laziness, and a lack of motivation brought on by the depression. It's all swings and round-a-bouts.

In other medical news, my stomach is the same, still in a lot of pain most of the time, and the opiates don't always work, but nothing has really changed in the last year or so. As for the neuropathy, it's gotten pretty bad. the meds have stopped working, so I'm currently not on anything for it. The pains have also spread to my hands, and although the pain isn't as bad as my legs, the numbness is a lot more noticeable and my fingers sometimes stiffen and lock in place. Got an appointment on Wednesday with my GP so hopefully she can do something that helps with both the neuropathy and the depression / anxiety. Also going to bring up a rather new problem, or rather, an old problem that's resurfaced. Boils... They were a problem after puberty back when I was 18-19 years old, and although the problem abated, even if it never went away, it never caused a problem. A flair up now and again on my neck, but nothing major. Since the cellulitis, and the hospital trips, the boils have been coming back with a vengeance. Not just small flair ups, but painful ones that last a lot longer. Yay, yet more medical problems for me to deal with... the list just keeps growing and growing...

In general, things have been shit, but in the good news column, James finally has a proper sofa, received the inheritance, so paid off a few debts, upgraded the PC, and got myself a second bookcase, so that emptied a few more boxes. Also got carpet throughout, after a year of being here, the house is now a home! Finally! There's still a few minor things I want to do, but all in time, when I have the energy and I'm not so lazy... so maybe next year or so!

Oh, I also have a new lodger... Tasha was living with Lewis at Stacey's, but her and Stacey had a fall out so she is now staying with me. Its been 3 months now and its going ok, although after this I'm not taking in any more stray's... I need to be alone for a while to hopefully get my life back on track and to sort myself out.

I'd say I'll write again soon, but we all know what I'm like! So for now,

Peace x

And todays tunage is...... Eluveitie - The call of the mountains