Feeling Old

Since my last post, Ive been to my doctors, and supprisingly saw her about a problem other than my stomach complaint! I had developed a blister on my big toe on my right foot. Im not sure how I got it, but I had it for about 3 weeks before I saw my Doctor, and although I had left it for a while to heal naturally, like your meant to do, its bigger than any I have seen before, and had become hard, so I was obviously quite worried. What with being Diabetic, my feet can be infected very easily, and I didnt want this to become a problem. I had also spoken to my Doctor about my boils that, since my stomach problem, have been coming more regularly than previous. Anyway... Ive been put onto a course of antibiotics, and my boil seems to be a lot better now! It is only a quarter of its original size, and is not covered by dark hardened skin any more. This is a good thing, but its pretty much the only good thing thats happened in the last few months. The antibiotics havent helped with my boils, and I've come down with a very bad cough. Im not sure if its just some bug going around, or a mild allergy to the pills, but Im finding it harder to breath sometimes, and I have some very bad coughing fits, which end up hurting my sides, the bottom of my rib cage, and my stomach. On occasion it has also made me physically sick and immobilizes me. Now I know what the Docs are going to say... Smoking this, smoking that, none of it is helping etc etc... and I know they are right, smoking isnt helping the problem, especially with being Diabeting, and with my stomach problem, no immune system etc... but Ive been smoking for 14 years, and this isnt the start of some problem to do with smoking. It would seem very odd that my cough started just after starting on new medication. Anyway, I only have a few days left on these pills, and if it persists after stopping this medication, I have a doctors appointment in 2 weeks!

My application for DLA (Disability Living Allowence) was denied, which Im appealing against as they are using the evidence from my medical examination from the ESA as a guideline to my eligability. The same medical examination that I am appealing against due to lack of professionalism and bias oppinions and have asked them to seek evidence from my GP and consultant instead. I havent heard back from them yet, but I plan on ringing them next week if I dont hear from them. On the good side, Ive heard back about my appeal for ESA. Im just waiting on a date for my tribunal now, and if things go the way they did last time, it will all be fine, and the backpay will help pay some much needed bills. Again, its a matter of waiting to see.

As for my stomach problem, my Doc is getting in touch with the pain management team again, as I havent heard from them. Its getting worse, along with my depression. It feels like every month i feel 5 years older than previously. The cough problem isnt helping either, but I cant walk as far as the previous month, seem to have fewer good days every month, and it feels like Im growing older quicker than I should. Its like my body has given up on the fight, which makes my mind give up, causing even more problems on the side of depression. I plan on mentioning it to my doctor in 2 weeks. I feel like I just cant go on any more. As much as I try to convince myself that Im ok, and not as bad as I actually am, its not working, and a part of me knows that Im fighting a battle that I just cant win. Im not gonna just pack it in, and give up on it all, I dont want that, or at least, a part of me doesnt want to do that, and I'll continue the battle, one part of my mind fighting the other, but these days, Im not sure which side is winning. meh... this is enough babbling for now! Time to go back to my vegitable life of laying in bed watching old sci-fi tv programs. Currently working my way through Stargate SG1... just about to start season 4. lol

And todays tunage is...... Emarosa - A toast to the future kids!