changes?

When everyone around you is falling in love, or getting back with ex's, or just otherwise unobtainable, and your sat on the sidelines, watching all this happen, with no one to love you, or even care about you, it really makes you start thinking about whats wrong with yourself. I watch guys, not only from the saturday lot, but people my age, and older, out, getting laid on weekends, having fun, sleeping around, enjoying their lifes, with or without girlfriends, and im questioning myself why i find it so hard to do any of that :S I always end up falling for the girl who I cant have, even the ones that are single! Is there something wrong with me? I must be doing something for this not to happen!

Should I change my ways, and start just using girls? and sleeping with whoever? Its totally not my style, and i couldnt see myself doing it, but all of this is really making me depressed. I dont really know what to think any more. Especially when you have people, and i know they are my friends, but, like Ian, with three girlfriends on the go at once, Woodzy and paul, bouncing straight into relationships one after the other, and on...and on... with every other guy out there. They all find it so easy to just move on, god, im still not over Laura, and that was 6 months ago!

Town was fun today, for some part anyway. Finally got to see Ali after her week away, and i told her i knew that she wasnt a virgin any more, and im somewhat jealous, and upset that she didnt tell me. it was still good to see her though! Matilda finally came into town for the first time in ages! we had a nice long chat and constant cuddling, and god shes sexy :p hmmm... *plans kidnapping* hehe... if only! Ali thinks that ive started moving on from being in love with her, and maybe shes partially right, yes there are other girls i really like, but i still love Ali to bits, and i would like to get into a relationship with someone else, cos i dont see Ali and ben splitting up any time soon, but who knows! There is one girl I proberly like, slightly more then Ali at the moment and she is single, but shes not over her ex... so time will tell on that one!

im in that "dazed and confused" stage of depression at the moment, Im not sure what I should do, and I dont really care about any of it. I will post later when im in the mood!

Peace xx