Right, first things first, I'm now single. I had enough of all the arguments, and it was getting me down, which didn't help with the depression anyway. I basically stopped feeling the way I did with Hayley. I cant really find the words to express what i truly feel about it all.
What I really need to do is to disappear, Birmingham anyone? A few years ago, my life was so much easier. I been reading some old stuff, and blog posts and stuff, looking at photo's etc. And they reminded me of what I really miss. Like a poem Ali wrote about me, and a photo of me in Birmingham with the girls, the good times i spent with Laura, and even before then, with Alison...
Well, things will be changing, Im back with Lauren, and she makes me feel so much better. Its ot official, at least, to the public, just yet. Want to leave some time to cool down from Hayley, cos i know what it would look like. But Lauren was the closest thing to sanity I have had in a while. Yeah, there are a few problems, but they can be sorted, and if it was perfect, it would probably annoy me. Like, shes so scared that i will turn out like her other, abusive boyfriends, and she should know me better then that. I couldn't harm her even if i wanted to! Then there's the obsessive texting, but i will work on that! hehe! see, most people would think the age is a problem, but i don't. I don't care, she is over 16, and we are both really happy together! so screw the world!
In other news, I'm meant to be scanning nans old photo's in, but they have disappeared :S cant find them anywhere... I have also sorted out WotLK, and will be getting a new one soon. As for hayley's necklace, i still haven't received it yet, and will ring them tomorrow!
Well.. my life is gonna be getting better now! i hope... lets just see how it all goes!
And todays tunage is...... Sick Puppies - Maybe
Monday, 18 January 2010
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
2010 already sucks!
well, its 2010 and the year already sucks. I'll start with Christmas...
It actually wasnt that bad this year, I got a printer from Wig and Wayne, saying that, its a big, expensive professional printer, and from my mom I got £30. Hayley gave me a red glass dragon, and a necklace, which i love, and a few smaller things. I brought her a really nice expensive necklace, it's black, made from pewter with red Swarkovski diamonds on it. Called a "passion necklace", but the thing is, it was posted on the 23rd, and was meant to arrive the next day, and I still havent recieved it! I also fucked up on Waynes present, brought him some RAM for his PC, as he's been complaining about speed, but they sent RAM for a laptop instead. So i have to send that back, and its costing a small fortune. £30 for ram, £5 for postage, £10 to return it, and £35 for new ram. I will get a refund for the £30 i spent, after it gets returned but they were meant to send a courior to pick it up on the 28th, and they still havent come.
I have also brought 3 books, only 1 of which has arrived, still waiting on my calendar to arrive as well. But on the good side, i have a new mobile phone. Got a Samsung Tocco Ultra, on contract, really cheap, that only arrived 2 days late. Also recieved a check for some mobiles i sent away, so will have to put that in the bank tomorrow.
I have also brought the Wrath of the Lich King expansion for WoW. Thing is, i brought the £50 collectors edition, which cam with a dvd, soundtrack, playing cards, add-on pet, mouse mat, and art book. The problem is, that the game didn't come with the activation code i need. So waiting to hear about that as well. It really sucks, and i want to play it!
Now for the more recent news. Me and Hayley had another arguement, or rather, she's upset with me over something i never said. Shes got it in her head that i said shes not serious about our relationship. Which i didnt. i phoned her earlier to talk about it, and she was at Jen's, and started talking to Jen, wasting my phone bill, and then shouted at me cos i dazed while they had a convo at my expense... i then said that i couldnt hear her properly when shes having two convo's at the same time, and she hung up on me. The next thing i know, is she rings my house phone, speaks to my nan saying i yelled at her and for her to tell me to ring her when i stop yelling. :s I didnt yell at her!
I dont understand her sometimes, and all this on top of her, staving herself, cos she wants to be a size 8. I dont mind if she wants to loose weight, even if i dont wanna see her go down to a size 8, but staving yourself isnt the right way to do it. There's better, safer ways to diet. Instead of not eating for 5 whole days.
And on top of all this, I have Lauren trying to get back with me, or rather, shes stopped trying, and said she will wait for me, no matter how long it takes. And ok, i do miss lauren, but i also have feelings for Hayley, and this just adds to all the confusion in my life that i just dont need at the moment.
to top it all off, I saw the Doc on christmas eve, and am now on different meds, including anti-depressants, that are meant to make my brain think theres no pain, and to help me sleep, but they dont work, and the "pins and needles" keep getting worse. I had them for over 24 hours the other day! literally, only got 3 hours sleep cos they were that bad! Not that it is pins and needles, its like without the pins... a sharp stabbing jolt of pain, constantly, something like having hypothermia, and running your hands under cold water. That type of cold burning feeling.
To hell with it all, my life totally sucks at the moment! I just wanna curl up and die!
And todays tunage is...... Live - I walk the line
It actually wasnt that bad this year, I got a printer from Wig and Wayne, saying that, its a big, expensive professional printer, and from my mom I got £30. Hayley gave me a red glass dragon, and a necklace, which i love, and a few smaller things. I brought her a really nice expensive necklace, it's black, made from pewter with red Swarkovski diamonds on it. Called a "passion necklace", but the thing is, it was posted on the 23rd, and was meant to arrive the next day, and I still havent recieved it! I also fucked up on Waynes present, brought him some RAM for his PC, as he's been complaining about speed, but they sent RAM for a laptop instead. So i have to send that back, and its costing a small fortune. £30 for ram, £5 for postage, £10 to return it, and £35 for new ram. I will get a refund for the £30 i spent, after it gets returned but they were meant to send a courior to pick it up on the 28th, and they still havent come.
I have also brought 3 books, only 1 of which has arrived, still waiting on my calendar to arrive as well. But on the good side, i have a new mobile phone. Got a Samsung Tocco Ultra, on contract, really cheap, that only arrived 2 days late. Also recieved a check for some mobiles i sent away, so will have to put that in the bank tomorrow.
I have also brought the Wrath of the Lich King expansion for WoW. Thing is, i brought the £50 collectors edition, which cam with a dvd, soundtrack, playing cards, add-on pet, mouse mat, and art book. The problem is, that the game didn't come with the activation code i need. So waiting to hear about that as well. It really sucks, and i want to play it!
Now for the more recent news. Me and Hayley had another arguement, or rather, she's upset with me over something i never said. Shes got it in her head that i said shes not serious about our relationship. Which i didnt. i phoned her earlier to talk about it, and she was at Jen's, and started talking to Jen, wasting my phone bill, and then shouted at me cos i dazed while they had a convo at my expense... i then said that i couldnt hear her properly when shes having two convo's at the same time, and she hung up on me. The next thing i know, is she rings my house phone, speaks to my nan saying i yelled at her and for her to tell me to ring her when i stop yelling. :s I didnt yell at her!
I dont understand her sometimes, and all this on top of her, staving herself, cos she wants to be a size 8. I dont mind if she wants to loose weight, even if i dont wanna see her go down to a size 8, but staving yourself isnt the right way to do it. There's better, safer ways to diet. Instead of not eating for 5 whole days.
And on top of all this, I have Lauren trying to get back with me, or rather, shes stopped trying, and said she will wait for me, no matter how long it takes. And ok, i do miss lauren, but i also have feelings for Hayley, and this just adds to all the confusion in my life that i just dont need at the moment.
to top it all off, I saw the Doc on christmas eve, and am now on different meds, including anti-depressants, that are meant to make my brain think theres no pain, and to help me sleep, but they dont work, and the "pins and needles" keep getting worse. I had them for over 24 hours the other day! literally, only got 3 hours sleep cos they were that bad! Not that it is pins and needles, its like without the pins... a sharp stabbing jolt of pain, constantly, something like having hypothermia, and running your hands under cold water. That type of cold burning feeling.
To hell with it all, my life totally sucks at the moment! I just wanna curl up and die!
And todays tunage is...... Live - I walk the line
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