5 Months Later...

So its been a while, like you expected anything less? I keep meaning to update more regularly but it's finding the effort and will power to actually sit here and type something, instead of just vegging out infront of some sci-fi tv series or film.

Just re-read my last post and I will continue from there. With the depression and anxiety, nothing much has changed. Doctors wont give me anything for the anxiety and the meds Im meant to take for my depression don't work, so I don't bother taking them. Not that I take any of my meds besides my regular injections for my Diabetes.

Lets move on to my medical problems. I developed a rash of spots in April which I presumed was a case of flea bites or the like. All the same symptoms etc except they didn't disappear and were still itching a month later. Booked a Doctor's appointment, given some E45 and some steroid cream to help it all. A month later, the dry skin had mostly vanished but was still itching like hell. Booked another Doctor's appointment, which happened to be on my Birthday, and the Doctor had a closer look, and determined I had scabies.... of all things.... one of the cleanist people I know, to get a condition that only effects dirty people who dont wash! I will give you one guess where I got it from... Tasha staying at mine... Its a safe guess that I told her she needed to go... I got treatment which was applying a cream nightly, then washing it off in the morning and washing all my bedding / clothes in the morning... for 3 days... In this time, I told Tasha she had to go for 2 weeks while I got treated for it and she should do the same. Anyway, treatment worked fine, a few spots remain, but they just need to heal, all the itching etc has all gone now, thank god, and Tasha still hasn't come back, which Im not sad about.

My second appointment on my birthday was with OCDEM for my diabetes. Got to see a new Doctor and he was very helpful. Totally understanding with all my other problems etc, and I have been referred to a consultant for the neuropathy pains. Theres a trial going on as well for diabetes and neuropathic pain which I have been referred to. I've given up on wishful thinking and expecting anything to actually work, but maybe this time... My neuropathic problems have never been seen by a specialist and is usually sorted by my GP so maybe they can do something my GP cannot. We will have to wait and see. My diabetic doctor also wants me to keep an eye on my blood pressure, so I brought a monitor and check it regularly, along with my weight and blood sugars.... not sure how long it will last, as I always do this when I see them. I'll start checking my sugars regularly after an appointment, then drop off a month or so later. Time will tell.

The evening of my birthday was great. Went to Oxy for a meal with Hattie and Alice, then headed back to mine for a few drinks and films etc. Was overall a good night. Was just ashame that they were both taken... lol Alice is just hot, and Ive had feelings for Hattie for years, but thats besides the point. I learnt years ago that I can stay just friends with people that I have feelings for. It only goes to shit when they find out and then avoid contact with me.

Moving on from my birthday, Hattie has become single, and she now knows I like her... Someone actually caught on to my "flirting" and saw it as being real flirting instead of the "I'll flirt with you to get over my anxiety" flirting. Who would've thought. The only thing that confuses me is that she wont come visit me alone. One time when she couldnt come with Alice, she brought Peak with her, and yesterday we were texting, and I was going to visit hers, and she just stopped replying and didnt give me her address after saying she didnt mind me coming round, then I spent 3 hours waiting for a reply. We finally made plans for her to come round mine for today at 1pm... and she said that she'd give me a kiss, which I doubt will happen, but anyway, I then find a message from Alice this morning saying Alice invited her to come with her to mine. Is Hattie scared of being alone with me? thinking I might try something on with her? Or maybe she doesn't trust herself around me? I don't know how to ask her any of this without it causing a problem, or then again, I may just be over thinking it all as per usual. Anyway, she didnt show up at 1pm, I text her saying let me know how late she would be, she replied at 2pm saying she would be an hour or so, and its now 3:45pm and still no sign of her. Think I need to buy her a massive clock! I wouldn't mind, but I have absolutely nothing to do while I wait for her.

The reason I have nothing to do? Mid June my PC blew up... Spent around £500 upgrading and repairing it all, for it to only blow up again a few days later. This time I've sent it away to claim on my house insurance. Paid the £50 excess fee today and should have it back in 4-5 working days. Cant wait to have my PC back. Just before it blew up the first time round I had just forked out £60 on game time for WoW and Eve.... all of which has gone to waste :( Worst of all, it fried my 3Tb hard drive which holds all my TV programmes and films. Luckily my documents and music was saved! So Ive downloaded a few films and series etc onto my laptop and my time is currently being split between playing Dragon Age on the XBox and watching the original X-Files series on my laptop. Its all fun and all, but it does get boring and isn't helping my depression or anxiety. Spending weeks at a time between going outside or seeing anyone. Really need to try to do something about all that! Anyway, time to track down where Hattie got to...

Peace xxx