Deaths and such...

Well as predicted in my last post, its been a few months. Ive actually been putting off writing this, not because I want to hide what I'm going to write about, but out of pure laziness brought on by severe depression. Yes, its been that bad, and there are reasons for it this time, including it coming up to Christmas.


Loneliness has settled in and I've been feeling it more than ever recently, I've also been having thoughts of a certain ex... as in what it would be like if I was still with her, and how I fucked it all up. I know now how stupid I was to dump her and although I can see and justify the reasons for dumping her, I can also see the flaws in my actions. I really have to get her out of my mind, its driving me crazy and making me depressed even more so than I already am, and theres nothing I can do about it. Shes with someone else and its been a couple of years now :( Maybe its just the loneliness thats drawing my mind back to when I was happy with someone, I dunno.

My birthday came and went, it was that boring I really cant remember it, despite it being my 30th. Later that month of July, on the 31st to be precise, Robin, my father, was found dead at his house in rose hill. Me and Lewis were at the Sheaf, my local pub in town, when we found out and Lewis really broke down. I don't blame him really, but as for me, anyone who knows me knows that I really couldn't care less for him as a dad. As a child up until I was the age of about 5 or 6 I had no problems really, it was just like anyone's childhood. After that though, he was never a dad to me and despite trying to patch things between us in the last couple of years, and especially since my nan passed almost two years ago, we were more like distant friends than the family we should of been like. I hadn't spoken to him in the last couple of months and I'd been telling myself to go round to see him. Me and my brother Lewis had decided we would both go round to see him the day after we were at the pub, until we got that phone call.

None of this had effected me in any way until the funeral on 20th August. It was a beautiful ceremony at the Crematorium and after the service I walked out to thank the pastor and ended up breaking down in front of him. It was totally uncontrollable. For someone who never cries, I don't know what came over me.

During all this chaos, beginning of August I noticed a tightness in my left shoulder with a small red lump. I suspected a torn ligament and started taking some anti-inflammatory med's  then a few days later I visited my doctor and she agreed with my assumptions. So with the anti-inflammatory med's and a prescription for some pain relieve gel, I went back home. Oh how wrong could me and my doctor have been. The pain and redness and lump started to spread, from the top of my shoulder near my neck downwards across the top left of my chest. Finally, a few days after Robin's funeral, I went back to the doctors and was told that it was infected and was taken up to the hospital. I was diagnosed with cellulitis, an infection of the bottom layer of skin that connects to all the muscles and tissue. I ended up spending 10 days in hospital being fed anti-biotics  straight into my veins. I lost a stone and a half inside and ended up with a big lump on my upper left chest filled with gooey puss and the like. I was told the anti-biotic pills I was given would clear it up in two to three weeks and had regular check-ups at the hospital. After a week, it became that painful, with the gooey stuffs doubling in size, I made an emergency appointment on a Sunday and was rushed back up to hospital.

They operated on me that morning, cutting away parts of scabs that had formed and draining it. After two more operations to clean out the massive wound they were happy that I would not become infected again and decided to give me a skin graft. Taking skin from my upper left leg, they used it to cover the entire area on my chest that was infected. A few days later I was told I could finally go home. After 9 whole days in hospital again, I was so glad to be home! I'm slowly recovering, and although it doesn't look very nice, it is healing nicely. I have a check-up on 24th October, and that should run smoothly.

In other news, there isn't really much to say. Waiting for inheritance from Robin, that's around £5000 which will be nice. Will finally be able to get carpeting done as well as a few other things I need for the house, and pay a few debts! Also renewing my DLA and disabled bus pass... which is a big hassle atm and paying for bus fare is getting expensive! Oh, and I've also stopped playing World of Warcraft and switched over to EVE:Online. Enjoying it so far, only a few months in and will have to see where it goes. I will be back on WoW when the new expansion comes out in November :)

 Peace xxx

And todays tunage is...... The Band Perry - Back to me without you