Lots and lots of shit :s

Where to begin? Ok, I know my last post was Febuary, and a lot has happened since then, so lets start with the medical side of things.

My operation on 5th MArch went fine. I didnt sleep at all the night before, worrying myself over what would happen, would they find out whats wrong with me and be able to sort me out, would there be complications, or what happens if they dont find anything? Well, they found absolutly nothing :( Apart from that, there were no complications, and I spent the following 6 weeks recovering. The recovery went ok, I only went out once in the 6 weeks, so missed a lot of people. In this time the job centre had stopped my benefits as I was "fit for work" according to their people. Im fighting this decision, and its happened before, but in the mean time Im on reduced rates, so not much money. Ive also sent off an application for disability living allowence, as by the looks of things, Im going to be ill for the forseeable future. The docs wont do any more tests, and no one can work out whats wrong :(

Now on to more shit from different area's. This time the relationship front... Yes Im still single, but not through lack of trying. I started speaking to Ashley, Lois' sister, and things were going really well, she said shes really fancied me for ages, and I admitted that I've fancied her as well, and everything was going to plan! We met up and went for coffee and had a nice chat and I actually thought I could finally settle down with someone and be happy for once. Recently I asked how she would feel if I asked her out, all officially and such, and she said she wasnt ready for a relationship just yet, and I understood. Shes just gotten out of a pretty serious long term relationship before she moved back to Oxford. Ive been single since last August, and didnt mind waiting, so we set up a proper date, which I havent been on in years, and everything was set for last saturday. Nice meal, bottle of wine, and who knows... see where things went. But the thursday before, I notice on her facebook page, that she had a date with someone else :s OK, shes single, Im not gonna let some other date with another guy affect my mood. But then Friday night, I hadnt spoken to her since Wednesday, and I text her asking what time she'd like to meet up on saturday... I dont get a reply. Then later on Friday I notice shes made other plans for Saturday, so Saturday morning I cancelled the date, text her saying I wasnt feeling too good. Since then Ive only spoken once, in which she just said "I hope your ok, take care of yourself". Its like she was ending something that never even had a chance to start. Then today, I find shes in a relationship with the guy she went on that date with last Thursday... Yet she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship, and that she's fancied me for years... yet this happens? Was she just fucking me around? Its totally not like her, I just dont know any more :s Screw her, and everything else!

Now on to the family situation. Its just as bad as it usually is. Wayne is being Wayne and trying to control everything for my Nan, my Nan isnt happy about it. Im trying to keep myself together, and Im failing. I dont know what to do these days :( Its like im in a daze, slowly passing from one day to the next, just because I have to. Ive got nothing to live for anymore. No work possibilities, no futures, no money, no girlfriend, no likely girlfriend, my friends arnt really my friends, none of them care, except maybe Demi and Ali and Gemma. I dont know, I just feel like giving up and packing it all in. So much for trying to get on top of my depression.

List of shitiness
1. Nothing found from operation
2. Ill for the rest of my life
3. DWP fucked up and on reduced money
4. The Ash situation
5. Family Stuff
6. Depression

And todays tunage is...... Evergrey - Wrong