I was thinking, wouldnt it be nice to have some of my old things back... nothing material, just emotions, feelings, friends, etc. I find myself reminising more and more about what I used to have and everything Ive lost, through my own mistakes or other reasons. I dont know what I'm doing any more. I've lost all reason for being, with no energy or motivation in my life. Christmas came and went, and although it was slightly better than previous years, it was still the same old shit that I hate. At least this year I didnt get any unwanted presents. New years eve went ok as well, went to Pizza hut with everyone, were 13 of us and it was good fun, then in the Wheatsheaf with a smaller group of friends, and it all went ok, a few things got me down, but again, thats just my depression kicking in to do with things I cant control and they shouldnt bother me but they do.
In other, happier news, Star Wars: The Old Republic came out 20th December and Ive been playing that, its been amazing and Im not quite sure if I prefer it over WoW but its a nice change. You have lightsabers, need I really say more?
Medically speaking, Ive been getting worse, I wrote to my MP yesterday to see if he can help me get my operation. He helped back last April when I couldnt get an appointment, so hopefully he will help again. Like I said, my depression is also really bad, but the stomach problem doesnt help, and Ive stopped testing my blood sugars again and im not ontop of my diabetes, but thats partly due to my depression and that I really dont give a fuck any more. If the NHS doesnt care that I could possibly have a life threatening condition, why should I? Its not like I've got much to live for anyway. Constantly in pain, either not sleeping, or when I do, its for 15hours at a time... bleh!
As for girlfriends, or lack thereof, yeah it pisses me off, but with being ill, Im not exactly in a fit state to go out and socialize and find one. I end up sitting at home all the time watching girls I fancy fall in love with other people, or flirt with others, not realizing that I actually fancy them. oh well... life goes on, unfortunitly.
gonna go and umm... do something, not sure what, but something...
peace x
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