the last few months

Yes, last May was my last post, and alot has happened since then... So where to begin? Well, to start with the ongoing medical problems. My operation that was planned for 1st July got moved back to 16th August as the consultant went on holiday. I had my pre-op in June and they got back to me saying that they wont operate unless my Hba1c (thats my overall diabetic control) was below 10% and currently it was 13.3% despite the fact that this is the lowest its been in a long long time. I got with my diabetic nurse and got my results down to 8.8% which is very impressive for me. I've also been doing all my bllods and injections etc. Im happy and its still improving! The problem being I rang the hospital on 15th August to find out what time i needed to be at the hospital for my op to only be told that they cancelled back in June after my pre-op. All I was told was I need to sort out my diabetes so they could do the op, I wasnt told it was cancelled. Im really not happy about this and have spent the last week trying to schedule a new op, have left countless phone messages but no one seems to be getting back in touch with me. I also admitted to my GP's nurse that Im depressed, not that I will accept any help, but at least they kinda know now, even if they dont realise just how bad it actually is. As for the heart murmur that was found, It turns out my heart is in perfect working condition, especially considering my medical history, that Im diabetic and a smoker as well. Anyway, enough about my medical history.

My birthday last July went ok, not many people showed up but it was fun. A little trouble in the Gloc concerning me having a birthday cake, but I think alot of that resulted in Flatz not liking me. We then went to PT for Mutiny. PT have decided to put raspberries in their sex on the beach, and me being me, and a bar manager and knowing my cocktails, I know that a sex on the beach DOES NOT contail raspberries. Anyway, this resulted in a trip to A&E as Angie had an alergic reaction! Wasnt the best ending to a birthday, but Im not going to complain, after all its only a birthday and at my age, with my depression, I just dont care about them any more. After all this, my "group" got barred from the Gloc as they think one of us brought our own alcohol into the pub. Considering two of us dont drink, one is dating a barman, and the other 4 are regulars and I was the one who went to the bar to buy all the drinks, its rubbish and again I think this all stemmed from Flatz not liking me, or any of Demi's Friends.

More on the Demi side of things, her and Flatz have broken up which Im really happy about, and she is now going out with Mutley! Its about fucking time! It was about a year ago they first met and both liked each other back then! Anyway Im happy for them both! Oh and also Flatz has lost his job at the Gloc. I havent drunk in there since my birthday, but I may start going back there again now!

In other random news Finn is moving away :( Im not sure why, but he's going back home I think. Also Polish is moving back to the Uk and should be in Oxford now. We lose one foreigner to gain another! lol Panda is dating Dotti which was a shock to me, and Kayleigh is dating Craig, which was another big shock. Especially seeing as Craig is now a dad and was engaged to Georgie. Not sure if he's even seeing his daughter.

Things with Angie are going well. We've had one or two arguements, but every relationship has arguements. Its been over three months now, and as much as I love her, Im not sure if it will last. Im getting to the point where Im feeling a bit fed up with it all, and dont get me wrong, I do really love her, but shes overly clingy and possesive. I also dont think she trusts me. One of her friends left a post saying she was feeling down, so I did my usual *huggles* as I do as a friend and she had a go at me, because her friend has some sort of crush on me. She says she trusts me, but doesnt trust her friend. If she really trusts me then it shouldnt bother her. Yeah her friend has a crush on me, but if she trusts me, she should know I wouldnt let anything happen. She also had a go at me today about how I didnt tell her that I was going to the Gloc tomorrow. I didnt say I was going to the Gloc tomorrow. I said if i was well enough, and could get some cash, then I may go for a bit. Not to mention that she was going to the Gloc anyway to see Polish. Bleh. Thats the other thing thats starting to annoy me. Shes really jealous of my friends, especially my female friends who just so happen to also be ex's. Like Megan etc. Yes shes an ex, but shes also my best friend, and Im not going to stop seeing megan just because Angie is jealous. Shes an ex, and it was a long time ago. Nothing will ever happen between us again. Angie expects me to stop flirting with everyone and to stop seeing certain people because I used to fancy them or date them etc, but she tells me that Polish asked her to dump me and go out with him recently, shes best friends with one of her ex's Adam, and there are other people who constantly flirt with her, and shes fine with all that. She cant expect me to stop doing something then be ok for her to do the exact thing she wants me to stop doing. Its all just getting a bit too much for me, and like Ive said, I do love her, but Im not sure if its going to last, and to be honest, Im not sure if i want it to. I wont even mention how annoying her sister is, or that her sister, whos older than angie, is a manipulating, controlling cow to angie and she cant even see it.

Im just ranting now, so Im gonna go and not play wow as my PC is being gay and crashes every time I play cos of some graphics card driver error that I cant fix :(

Yeah... this is all great for my depression, but its gotten that bad that I just dont really care any more! I need a break, to escape from everything and everyone, but being ill with no money, I cant fucking do that can I!

Peace

And todays tunage is...... Christina Perri - Arms