yeah, I know!

So Ive fallen back into the routine of not posting, yet again! Hey, it happens! There isnt really much to write about, except my stomachs been really really bad for the last 6 weeks or so! So bad that Ive had to go to A&E not that they did much. I also havent been into work in that time, and the job centre have stopped paying me which sucks. The medical questionaire that they sent me and I returned last Febuary never got back, so they now think Im fit for work. Ive been arguing this and have sent them another questionaire but with all the bank holidays, Im not looking at hearing back from them until the end of next week, at the earliest.

Just to clear things up from my last post, I havent slept with Char again, and we are still on speaking terms. Its kinda weird and Im not sure about the whole being friends dynamics, and how its working. But thats the case with the majority of people I used to call friends these days. I never hear from Demi anymore, Elly just doesnt speak to me anymore, and all the other people I used to be in regular contact with just dont speak as much. Im not saying its them ignoring me, and Im as much to blame, but they know im ill, the least they could do is ckeck every now and again to see if im still alive!

Been wondering and thinking about alot of things recently, especially the mistakes Ive made in the past. I know this line of thought doesnt help my depression, but at the moment I dont really care! But what went so terribly wrong between me and laura? Its her birthday today, and yeah I posted a happy birthday message on her facebook, but she seems to avoid me every time shes in a relationship and then is all friendly when shes single. Im glad shes happy with Patrick, her current boyfriend, and even if she doesnt speak to me, I still think about her alot. As long as shes happy, then Im fine with it. Then theres what happened between me and elly, and Ali, and that whole Birmingham thing... Just a few days ago I found some old emails and was reading through them and I liss those times, and yes I made some big mistakes and messed it all up, but I keep wondering what would happen if I did things differently back then? Of course, the main thought going through my head recently is to do with Char and this whole mess of what was / could of been a great relationship :s Im not saying I would get back with her, but I wonder what would of happened if things went differently.

Nothing much has really happened apart from not having any money and the stupid thoughts running through my head and being really really ill. Ive installed Jolicloud onto my laptop as they've now gone mainstream. I was part of the beta testing way back when, and they've made some really nice improvements, so I think I might stick with them! Oh, and Ive also spent some time cataloging my movies and are now all listed online! lol Still quite a bit of work to do with it, but its something to do when im bored! Gonna go now and try not to think so much!

Peace x

And todays tunage is...... Trapt - Headstrong