Demi's 21st

So its Demi's 21st and Ive spent the best part of 6-7 hours in the Gloc helping her celebrate! you'd think I'd be happy... think again! Not only am I depressed anyway, but Char was there with Sam, then Elly turned up, and to top it all, Charlie. And Charlie is umm.. I'd say going out with, but its more like, sleeping around with, Churchy of all people. Now dont get me wrong... it was a good night, but having your ex, who doesn't want anything to do with you, an ex who your still madly in love with, and the girl you've fancied for god knows how long with her, for lack of a better word, boyfriend... It just tipped me over the edge on the depression scale! Now try explaining any of this to anyone, and trying to pretend your actually having a good time so as not to ruin it for demi... ontop of my already "worst depression since the miscarrage" state... it kinda sucks!

I really cant be fucked with any of it any more! Im fed up, want to end my life, and really dont give a fuck what anyone says! Fuck the promises I made, and fuck everyone who tries stopping me! I know, I proberly wont go through with it, but its how Im feeling at the moment! If I want to be all doom and gloom and morose about it all, then no ones gonna stop me!

On other news, been playing Rift... tis the next big competitor for WoW, and is actually really good! Not sure how much its gonna cost or anything yet, will have to wait and see, but the beta is going really well and i like the majority of it all! Oh, and Im back at work on the 28th Feb! so thats good news! Im hoping it will help with this stupid depression, but at the moment, I dont think that will even work!

Anyway... Im gonna curl up in bed with my book! Good night x