anyone want a barman?

Work have decided to opt for a no smoking policy... me? no smoking? mwahahahahaha LIKE FUCK! can any of you see me going 5 hours without a cigarette? I get bad after 3 hours, let alone any longer! Today was terrible! 3 1/2 hours either side of my break today, and by 5:30 (half an hour before i finish) i was literally in a state! Talking to myself, pains in my stomach which i swear are withdrawal symptoms, and snapping at everyone. Especially Martina, who's being a bitch at the moment. Shes on her power trip cos she thinks shes in charge because Nathan is managing the pub in Banbury, and ok, yeah shes a supervisor, but it doesn't mean she can be the all controlling bitch she is. Even if shes rota'ed herself to do 5 AFD's in a row to cover Nathan, and she hasn't had that much sleep. Ive said i don't mind doing some, and I am signed off to do management shifts there. But no, she wont have it, she has to be the all-powerful one. Its getting so bad that we have run out of stock because she hasn't ordered it, she told me we ran out of ketchup, and yet I find a box in the cupboard, Shes moaning left right and centre because she didn't get her one hour break this morning, yet when i told her i didn't get mine last week, she told me its tough and all part of being a manager. Well screw her! I even had Cassie ask me when Nathans going to be back to managing the pub because theres a few members of staff getting pissed off with her. Well... Rant over.

Been with Lauren over 6 weeks now, and its great! I love her to bits, even if she thinks i don't, and she believes that I will leave her. Well I'm not going to. She makes me so god damn happy. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I'm planning on going upto Blackpool with her during half term, to see the lights, and to visit Demi, as shes moved up that way with her new boyfriend AJ.

There isn't really much more to talk about! I'm enjoying my new 26 inch High Def Flat Screen TV come computer monitor! Great for my Xbox and watching films on!

More later, as it happens!

Peace x

And todays tunage is...... earshot - Someone

all that lovey dovey stuff....

Lauren asked me yesterday if i loved any of my exs more then i love her at the moment, and im not about to lie to her and told her i did! In a sense its true, I love Laura more then anything, including Lauren (at least for now) in this world! I know what this is starting to sound like, saying you love you ex more then your current girlfriend, but me and laura did go through alot, and Im not about to throw all that away and forget about it. It was a different type of love between me and laura, and i know your reading this lauren, so no tears please, im writing this so you understand it better. This is all too had to actually put into words and speak about...

What me and laura had was magical, but the defining word there is "WAS". What we had will never ever happen again, even between me and lauren. I mean, laura is the one who i lost my virginity with, she was there for me in some very hard times, and she helped me make me who i am. Along with the pregnancy and the miscarrage, It made it something. That sort of love is totally different to the sort of love that me and lauren have. For me at least, the love i have for lauren is more like, heart taken away, and given to her.... rather then the she helped me, we loved and lost together type of love that me and laura had.

In some ways i do love lauren more then i loved laura, like the way i can just sit there and look at lauren, despite her not liking it, hehe... and the way lauren hugs me, and kisses me, etc... me and laura didnt have that, well... not for the entirity of our relationship. Its two totally diferent types of love, and trying to say which one is more or less powerful is hard for me to do.

I hope this explains everything for lauren, and its helped me clear my head a bit!

In other news, we did the deep clean at work last night, got home around 5am this morning, and im about to go to work to do my "management" shift, whereby im gonna sit on my ass, and mess around on my laptop while i let the others get on with it! hehehehe

Will write soon!

Peace

Yay...

So... on i continue, Laid in bed with lauren next to me! Happy as larry! Work actually gave me a saturday off as well! so all is good!

Yeah, its been a while since my last post... almost a month, but not much has really changed! Thursday will be Lauren and mine's one month aniversary... no, im not mentioning anything else... lmfao :p

work wise, Ive also had the "official" notice that Ive been accepted for the management training. And on sunday evening we are finally deep cleaning the kitchen! Its about fucking time!

More about Lauren... I know shes reading this... hahaha... I love her more then ever.. I really do believe that i will be with her for the rest of my life!

Also had my first full pay check from work! even though im still on emergancy tax, its was a decent amount, and i was able to fork out £250 for my new 26" HD tv / computer monitor. will let you know how good it actually is after delivery on tuesday!!!

Even more about Lauren... I FUCKING LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!

Peace!