Ok, So I havent seen Elly since the Monday before Christmas, and it totally sucks! I really really miss her! Apart from that theres not been much going on...
Robin stayed here from Christmas eve til yesterday when he finally went home. Jonathan was also here, and Ryan came up on christmas day and stayed the night. The house has been full of family and Ive gone and locked myself in my bedroom for the best part of it, thank god! Didnt really get anything for Christmas. Wig and Wayne paid towards the repairs for fixing my computer, so Olympos is back up and running again now! yay for super 'puter!!! My mom gave me £50 which was great as well! apart from that, i got some smelly's and shower gel that i dont really like, and some PJ's that are not only too small, but i dont wear them... Wig did also get me a black duvet set for my bed which is cool!
Worked Boxing day, which wasnt so bad. Everyones shifts have been cut down alot and the dickhead Ben has taken "holiday"... he says... hes basically been told to look for another job! Im doing all his shifts now, elly is gone, and i dont see pete coming back. Which is fine for me, cos it means me and ron have the pub to ourselves. Working new years eve, with extra pay, and a load of drink! so that will be good, but not sure if it will get busy or not, we are in the wrong part of town for it really. we will see....
Brought some DVDs, animes... ghost in the shell stuff.... and also got a new set of 3 mini samuri swords which is kool! i am also the new owner of guitar hero world tour! hehe.... dont the full set tho, i traded in some old games, and got just the game....
Ummm... i dont think there is anything else really! I havent been to bed yet since yesterday, but i feel fine! a lil drowsy.... but as expected!
I really do miss Elly.... just being near her, makes me feel at ease, and at the moment im really stressed with family and stuff, and shes not around, and she said i cant see her til next monday... which is like a week away.... and today is our 2 week anniversary! yeah i know... //rant over\\
gonna say my good byes... LOVE YOU ELLY!
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Happy times
Been with Elly for 4 days now, and its great, she makes me really really happy. Im not going to see her now until proberly monday, and really going to miss her but im sure I will be fine. Been writing alot more of my poetry recently, and working on a large piece right now. Which is really good for me.
Was round beths tonight... well, actually most of the day and had a great time. Was ashame Elly couldnt come, cos that would of just made my day! And get this, I didnt take any alcohol around! Havent even been to work to pick up my wages today, will have to do that tomorrow.
My super computer is finally fixed, apparently the case was shorting out the mobo, god knows why, but its all repaired, legal copy of XP home, extra 2Gb ram... alls good! Will try to pick it up tomorrow. Will be upto my nan, seeming as shes paying as part of my Chrsitmas present.
Speaking of which.... Still need to buy presents for mom, stacey, andrea, tina... and a few others. Will also do that tomorrow while im in town. Dont really want to be in town tomorrow, as its Georgies birthday, and everyone will be around her, and I dont really wanna be there. Anyway. Gotta pay some bills as well! lol, lets hope i get a good payslip tomorrow!
Not really much else to say. Everything just seems great at the moment now that Elly is in my life. She doesnt say "I love you" which is ok, for now... Id rather she not say it until she means it... unlike some who just shout out the word "love" like its nothing. Love is a strong word to represent the passionate bond betwen a couple.... not just a word to throw around. Yeah Georgie! not that she properly reads my blog any more.... bleh...
I really wanna see elly! she makes me happy! and me needs hugs! I wouldnt care what we did, as long as i could see her. Been round her house every day since Monday, and its been great fun... but even without the sex, it wouldnt bother me. I just get this warm, happy feeling from just being near her. Its hard to explain, and IVe never felt this way with anyone.... I really do love her!
And todays tunage is...... my Chemical Romance - The Sharpest Lives
Was round beths tonight... well, actually most of the day and had a great time. Was ashame Elly couldnt come, cos that would of just made my day! And get this, I didnt take any alcohol around! Havent even been to work to pick up my wages today, will have to do that tomorrow.
My super computer is finally fixed, apparently the case was shorting out the mobo, god knows why, but its all repaired, legal copy of XP home, extra 2Gb ram... alls good! Will try to pick it up tomorrow. Will be upto my nan, seeming as shes paying as part of my Chrsitmas present.
Speaking of which.... Still need to buy presents for mom, stacey, andrea, tina... and a few others. Will also do that tomorrow while im in town. Dont really want to be in town tomorrow, as its Georgies birthday, and everyone will be around her, and I dont really wanna be there. Anyway. Gotta pay some bills as well! lol, lets hope i get a good payslip tomorrow!
Not really much else to say. Everything just seems great at the moment now that Elly is in my life. She doesnt say "I love you" which is ok, for now... Id rather she not say it until she means it... unlike some who just shout out the word "love" like its nothing. Love is a strong word to represent the passionate bond betwen a couple.... not just a word to throw around. Yeah Georgie! not that she properly reads my blog any more.... bleh...
I really wanna see elly! she makes me happy! and me needs hugs! I wouldnt care what we did, as long as i could see her. Been round her house every day since Monday, and its been great fun... but even without the sex, it wouldnt bother me. I just get this warm, happy feeling from just being near her. Its hard to explain, and IVe never felt this way with anyone.... I really do love her!
And todays tunage is...... my Chemical Romance - The Sharpest Lives
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
so guess what the answer is!
YES!!!! Elly said yes!!!! oh my god, im like the happiest person in the world at the moment, and cant stop damn smiling! so... I have a girlfriend! I cant think of anything else at the moment! Im overjoyed!
Words really cannot express the way Im feeling at the moment! I cant wait to see her, and hug and kiss my girlfriend! hehehe
LOVE YOU ELLY!
Words really cannot express the way Im feeling at the moment! I cant wait to see her, and hug and kiss my girlfriend! hehehe
LOVE YOU ELLY!
nothing....
Ive not really got anything to say, Im just here venting some frustration out of my system! Elly hasnt come out with an answer yet, and Ive got one side of me screaming to her "just say yes" but then the logical side has taken over and im telling her to take her time, and I dont mind waiting, especially for her, and to think it through properly. Yeah, my logical side is right, shes one girl I'd wait til the end of the world for, and she should think it all through, but I do also want her to say yes. Either way, we will see what happens and at the end of the day, no matter what answer she gives me, it has brought our friendship closer, and we are gonna stay friends!
In other news, I rang up about my super puter being repaired, and its still being worked on, and they cant even find out whats wrong with it. They are hoping to have some sort of answer for me by tomorrow at the latest, so I will ring them again later on in the week. I cant wait to get it back! its been ages without it!
umm.... really cant think of anything else to say..... lifes just THAT interesting at the moment! I will write when Elly gives me an answer, or the world ends, or something remotely interesting happens!
In other news, I rang up about my super puter being repaired, and its still being worked on, and they cant even find out whats wrong with it. They are hoping to have some sort of answer for me by tomorrow at the latest, so I will ring them again later on in the week. I cant wait to get it back! its been ages without it!
umm.... really cant think of anything else to say..... lifes just THAT interesting at the moment! I will write when Elly gives me an answer, or the world ends, or something remotely interesting happens!
waiting for an answer!
Think this is themost posts ive made in one day.... but anyway!
Ive asked Elly out, and have given her time to think about it. Ive actually fallen in love with her, and not just because of today, this happened bfore today. I think its everything put together, and all my emotions, and she just makes me happy!
We talked about the "complications" of it all today, that she thinks shes still in love with someone else, but that person is happy with their girlfriend, and I know them, but she wont tell me who. Shes also worried about what her parents will say, and i understand, cos thats part of my worries as well. But if we are happy together then shouldnt everything else come second? She also said thats not sure if she loves me, which I respect. No matter what happens we are still gonna be friends. And thats the best part. These last few days have brought us closer.
Shes also got me writing poetry again, and Ive written two just about her... The one below was written last night, after I got home, and it really does hit home.
Yeah i know the last verse is a little emo, but im addicted to her! I will give her the time she needs to think this all through, and no matter what happens, we are still friends!
Eleanor Elizabeth Eva Jones I really have fallen in love with you xxxxx
Ive asked Elly out, and have given her time to think about it. Ive actually fallen in love with her, and not just because of today, this happened bfore today. I think its everything put together, and all my emotions, and she just makes me happy!
We talked about the "complications" of it all today, that she thinks shes still in love with someone else, but that person is happy with their girlfriend, and I know them, but she wont tell me who. Shes also worried about what her parents will say, and i understand, cos thats part of my worries as well. But if we are happy together then shouldnt everything else come second? She also said thats not sure if she loves me, which I respect. No matter what happens we are still gonna be friends. And thats the best part. These last few days have brought us closer.
Shes also got me writing poetry again, and Ive written two just about her... The one below was written last night, after I got home, and it really does hit home.
the twinkle in her eyes
as she holds me tight
the shine she gives
in the daylight
the way i feel
when shes not around
she makes me feel
like i am bound
to her and everything
that she means to me
now ive got her
shes all i want to be
holding her
kissing her
in this sweet imbrace
holding her
kissing her
in this haste
lifes to fast to let her pass
if she walked on without me there
then would it really be worth the air
as she holds me tight
the shine she gives
in the daylight
the way i feel
when shes not around
she makes me feel
like i am bound
to her and everything
that she means to me
now ive got her
shes all i want to be
holding her
kissing her
in this sweet imbrace
holding her
kissing her
in this haste
lifes to fast to let her pass
if she walked on without me there
then would it really be worth the air
Yeah i know the last verse is a little emo, but im addicted to her! I will give her the time she needs to think this all through, and no matter what happens, we are still friends!
Eleanor Elizabeth Eva Jones I really have fallen in love with you xxxxx
Monday, 15 December 2008
my personal choice of drug....
Soooo...... hehe.... i am overjoyed in happiness at the moment. Its been one of the best days Ive had in a long long long time, and I dont think anything could spoil it for me now! Spent 7 and a half hours with Elly today, and it was so natural. I needed even have a cigarette, or wanted one! It just feels right with her. No we are not dating, well, that is to say, neither of us has asked the other out officially. I was hoping she would, and i was tempted to do it before i left, but I felt nervous about it. Anyway.... I gave her her birthday "present" lmfao, and thats all im allowed to say on the matter! Lets just say she enjoyed it. Just curling up on the sofa with her, cuddling, with the occasional kiss felt so peaceful I didnt want to leave.
Ive also decided that when she closes her eyes,when shes happy, she looks like an angel! She may be an evil demented angel, but shes still an angel! its the way she closes her eyes, and her hair fell accross her face, and the sunshine glints off her skin. Its so serene! Everything about her mezmerizes me! its like shes my own personal drug!
I will stop speaking about her... at some point! I really want to make it official, but im not sure how she thinks about that, will have to talk to her about it! The only thing that would worry me is how her family would take it. With the age gap etc... Im sure that as long as Elly is happy, then they wont mind! Its not like its that bad!
Will write more as it all progresses!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Paramore - Hallelujah
Ive also decided that when she closes her eyes,when shes happy, she looks like an angel! She may be an evil demented angel, but shes still an angel! its the way she closes her eyes, and her hair fell accross her face, and the sunshine glints off her skin. Its so serene! Everything about her mezmerizes me! its like shes my own personal drug!
I will stop speaking about her... at some point! I really want to make it official, but im not sure how she thinks about that, will have to talk to her about it! The only thing that would worry me is how her family would take it. With the age gap etc... Im sure that as long as Elly is happy, then they wont mind! Its not like its that bad!
Will write more as it all progresses!
Peace xxx
And todays tunage is...... Paramore - Hallelujah
Ultra Early
So my nan thinks I have an exam today, which I kinda did.... But now I'm up at 7am in the morning with nothing to do! I'm really looking forward to going round to Elly's house today. Even if nothing happens, it will be nice to just chill out and relax! I'm letting her pace this, I don't want to push her into anything she doesn't want to do!
Oh, sweet sixteen! he he HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLY!
Really should of brought those edible underwear for her birthday present! May have been alot of fun! it still will be without, and as we said online last night, theres plenty of other times!
Right, gotta leave in 20 odd minutes, and will walk round to Elly's. Shes not waking up til 9am so will take it slow, and make a detour to the shops first! also have to look at my nans PC for her first! bleh, shes retarded sometimes!
More later
Peace
Oh, sweet sixteen! he he HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLY!
Really should of brought those edible underwear for her birthday present! May have been alot of fun! it still will be without, and as we said online last night, theres plenty of other times!
Right, gotta leave in 20 odd minutes, and will walk round to Elly's. Shes not waking up til 9am so will take it slow, and make a detour to the shops first! also have to look at my nans PC for her first! bleh, shes retarded sometimes!
More later
Peace
Sunday, 14 December 2008
some..... non-Elly news
where to start? Me enjoying a christmas is back on the books.... maybe.... hopefully..... we will see how things go! Elly has gone to Camden with her mom and im jealous! I dont think im jealous that they have gone to Camden, its more that im jealous because i cant see Elly today! Plus I wanna go Camden...
Anyway... i said non-Elly news! Lewis doesnt like me atm because i was apparently flirting with cat at beths?!?! Im sory, me and cat are great friends, and i proberly know more about her then he does, but in no fucking way in hell was i flirting with her! Ewww... Even if cat was single i wouldnt. Sory cat, but your just not my type!
Ive also unblocked Georgie on msn and we are kinda speaking again, im not sure why, maybe its cos im happy now, or because I just dont care about her any more. Im not saying we are friends again yet, but we are speaking.
There really isnt much other news, Im meeting Elly tomorrow! YAY! going to Cowley Centre so she can do a bit of christmas shopping! I have an exam on basic math tomorrow at 2pm as well. so we will see how that goes! I think ive failed this semester any way. and not sure if they will kick me out or not! i will have to wait and see!
Will post again soon!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLY..... for tomorrow! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hehe
Peace
Anyway... i said non-Elly news! Lewis doesnt like me atm because i was apparently flirting with cat at beths?!?! Im sory, me and cat are great friends, and i proberly know more about her then he does, but in no fucking way in hell was i flirting with her! Ewww... Even if cat was single i wouldnt. Sory cat, but your just not my type!
Ive also unblocked Georgie on msn and we are kinda speaking again, im not sure why, maybe its cos im happy now, or because I just dont care about her any more. Im not saying we are friends again yet, but we are speaking.
There really isnt much other news, Im meeting Elly tomorrow! YAY! going to Cowley Centre so she can do a bit of christmas shopping! I have an exam on basic math tomorrow at 2pm as well. so we will see how that goes! I think ive failed this semester any way. and not sure if they will kick me out or not! i will have to wait and see!
Will post again soon!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELLY..... for tomorrow! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hehe
Peace
Saturday, 13 December 2008
NEWS ALERT!
Im actually really really happy! No, i havent withdrawn and taking happy pills from the docs! Its because of a girl... Today is the first day since the "georgie inncident" that that im truely happy. Yeah I may have seemed happy previously, but i fake it to keep all your little minds happy!
I will start from the beginning! Yesterday, I went into town, met Demi and Chinky, had fun, ran into Hayley and Lewis, and them two were going to Beths, and JJ had invited me, and Beth invited me last week, so i thiught why not. I picked up my wages, brought some drink, and pringles and went to Beths. I tried to convince Elly to go, cos i never get to see her, and we all know how much I've always liked her, and I had her christmas present! But she didnt go :( She currently has an eye infection, so it was ok.
Spoke to Elly last night and spent ages trying to convince her to come into town, but she said it was upto what the docs said when her mom rang them this morning, with the eye infection and all. So I rang her this morning and spent half an hour convincing her! But she finally said yes! So i walked round Beths this morning, met with Beth and Elly, and we all went to town together!
Despite the lack of people due to the rain, I didnt think there would be a problem in town, as I was told Georgie wasnt gonna be around. But low and behold, guess who showed up. Yup, she did! Anyway, it wasnt a problem, i actually had the guts to give her all her stuff back, and she wanted a hug.... it felt awkward... I ran back and hid with Elly, and we cuddled and had our arms around each other, and you had Georgie and Craig just standing behind us and they kept looking over and i think we scared them away... so there!
thing is, me and elly didnt stop holding each other after they left, and it felt nice, and natural. I know what everyone's gonna say, with the 8 years between us, but i dont care what people think, and its not like we are actually dating.... (yet)
me and Elly also went for a walk together, to get away from georgie, and to get warm, so we walked around westgate, and went to hawkins bazaar, etc, then we sat under halifax, away fom everyone else. Beth and her friend came over, and i gave Elly her christmas present of marshmellow hello kitty's, and we had fun canaballising hello kitty!
I went home with Beth and Elly, and elly suggested i got off with her, which is the stop before Beth, so i did, and i had her marshmellows in my bag anyway. We saw Josh outside his work (smith and low). Josh is Georgies, sisters boyfriend. But also went to primary school with Elly, and lives around the corner! small world! I walked Elly home, and she linked arms with me which was nice, and when we got to hers, we hugged, as you do, but then, she kissed me. And i dont mean just a friendly kiss, a proper kiss! It was such a supprise. It really made my day! Im so happy right now, thinking of that kiss!
Anyway, thats why im so god damn happy right now! that one special kiss, from a girl ive always loved but never thought id get to be with... you know how it goes. anyway, more later!
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... Lost Prophets - Rooftops
I will start from the beginning! Yesterday, I went into town, met Demi and Chinky, had fun, ran into Hayley and Lewis, and them two were going to Beths, and JJ had invited me, and Beth invited me last week, so i thiught why not. I picked up my wages, brought some drink, and pringles and went to Beths. I tried to convince Elly to go, cos i never get to see her, and we all know how much I've always liked her, and I had her christmas present! But she didnt go :( She currently has an eye infection, so it was ok.
Spoke to Elly last night and spent ages trying to convince her to come into town, but she said it was upto what the docs said when her mom rang them this morning, with the eye infection and all. So I rang her this morning and spent half an hour convincing her! But she finally said yes! So i walked round Beths this morning, met with Beth and Elly, and we all went to town together!
Despite the lack of people due to the rain, I didnt think there would be a problem in town, as I was told Georgie wasnt gonna be around. But low and behold, guess who showed up. Yup, she did! Anyway, it wasnt a problem, i actually had the guts to give her all her stuff back, and she wanted a hug.... it felt awkward... I ran back and hid with Elly, and we cuddled and had our arms around each other, and you had Georgie and Craig just standing behind us and they kept looking over and i think we scared them away... so there!
thing is, me and elly didnt stop holding each other after they left, and it felt nice, and natural. I know what everyone's gonna say, with the 8 years between us, but i dont care what people think, and its not like we are actually dating.... (yet)
me and Elly also went for a walk together, to get away from georgie, and to get warm, so we walked around westgate, and went to hawkins bazaar, etc, then we sat under halifax, away fom everyone else. Beth and her friend came over, and i gave Elly her christmas present of marshmellow hello kitty's, and we had fun canaballising hello kitty!
I went home with Beth and Elly, and elly suggested i got off with her, which is the stop before Beth, so i did, and i had her marshmellows in my bag anyway. We saw Josh outside his work (smith and low). Josh is Georgies, sisters boyfriend. But also went to primary school with Elly, and lives around the corner! small world! I walked Elly home, and she linked arms with me which was nice, and when we got to hers, we hugged, as you do, but then, she kissed me. And i dont mean just a friendly kiss, a proper kiss! It was such a supprise. It really made my day! Im so happy right now, thinking of that kiss!
Anyway, thats why im so god damn happy right now! that one special kiss, from a girl ive always loved but never thought id get to be with... you know how it goes. anyway, more later!
Peace x
And todays tunage is...... Lost Prophets - Rooftops
Thursday, 11 December 2008
it still continues
Life still goes on, the dull, numb existance that im trudging through at the moment. Ive found "replacements" for the presents that i brought Georgie, and have all her stuff packed away, giving it to woodzy on saturday for her. It doesnt seem to hurt any more, I just feel numb. Its like theres no feelings left inside of me.
But I spent the best part of today with Jen, Jo, and Hannah which was enjoyable. Hannah has had her op, and is in pain, she now has 13 pins in her bottom left leg. It was good to see Jen again, and be like it was before, more then the hey, bye convos we have in town. We actually chat etc.
Been speaking to Elly tonight which seems to always make me smile :D and yes elly... look... another mention :p hehe, shes kool, and always seems to act alot more mature then her age. theres other things i'd like to say, but it would scare her...
Anyway, lifes very "normal" at the moment, and I need to change that! I need to sort things out, get a girl, sort out my life! And learn to be happy again!
Peace x
But I spent the best part of today with Jen, Jo, and Hannah which was enjoyable. Hannah has had her op, and is in pain, she now has 13 pins in her bottom left leg. It was good to see Jen again, and be like it was before, more then the hey, bye convos we have in town. We actually chat etc.
Been speaking to Elly tonight which seems to always make me smile :D and yes elly... look... another mention :p hehe, shes kool, and always seems to act alot more mature then her age. theres other things i'd like to say, but it would scare her...
Anyway, lifes very "normal" at the moment, and I need to change that! I need to sort things out, get a girl, sort out my life! And learn to be happy again!
Peace x
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
ok, so it wasnt my last....
Yeah, i may have overstepped the gun in my last post. I did mean all the things i wrote and i still feel like my life isnt worth living anymore, but whats just hurt me even more is the whole "i want to stay single for a while" comment from her... well i guess her definition if "a while" is 2 days? Checked her bebo page, and shes now going out with craig. I just dont care, the world is fucked, my life is fucked, and she still wants to be friends after doing this to me? hahahahaha, thats not gonna happen!
Anyway, ive spent the day removing all traces of her from my bedroom, done some cleaning, washing and paperwork etc. Gonna wrap my pressents soon, and yeah im still gonna give her the presents i brought, even if she doesnt deserve them. Im gonna see if woodzy can meet me one day and take them to hers for me.
Im gonna chill out tonight and try to forget all my problems. then tomorrow, im taking my super puter to the shop to get repaired, more housework etc, and spend another evening chilling out!
Also had random people adding to me msn.... some guy called Callum, a friend of elly's. Elly apparently reads my blog :S and linked it to him.... Also had john add me, hes an old school friend who i havent seen in 9 years. and theres one more random person, but not sure who that is yet! anyway, im outa here! I will write again, and soon! seeming as i dont have anything better to do now!
Peace
Anyway, ive spent the day removing all traces of her from my bedroom, done some cleaning, washing and paperwork etc. Gonna wrap my pressents soon, and yeah im still gonna give her the presents i brought, even if she doesnt deserve them. Im gonna see if woodzy can meet me one day and take them to hers for me.
Im gonna chill out tonight and try to forget all my problems. then tomorrow, im taking my super puter to the shop to get repaired, more housework etc, and spend another evening chilling out!
Also had random people adding to me msn.... some guy called Callum, a friend of elly's. Elly apparently reads my blog :S and linked it to him.... Also had john add me, hes an old school friend who i havent seen in 9 years. and theres one more random person, but not sure who that is yet! anyway, im outa here! I will write again, and soon! seeming as i dont have anything better to do now!
Peace
Sunday, 7 December 2008
my last ever post... ever!
Just when i thought i might actually enjoy a Christmas! She does this to me! Georgie spent the night at mine last Monday, it was great, everything it always is with her! she even cried she was THAT happy... well now im crying, and not for being happy. I was meant to meet her on Thursday, but my nan made me go shopping with her and then she made me do the Christmas decorations, which still arnt finished. so i rang her, and explained etc and she was fine and said we would see each other on saturday... the thing is, i didnt hear from her til this morning, nothing, and when i get a text, no i love you or i miss you etc like she usually does, and when i get into town, and finally see her, i hug her and she doesnt hug back, she says shes going to westgate and says "yeah, sure you do" ... thats not the sort of reply you give your boyfriend when he says i love you after not seeing him in 4 days! thats basically all she said to me all day, no hugs, no kisses, not even a glance in my direction. along with the migraine i had before i got to town that just made me feel even worse! its like my world has ended!
What hurts even more is that not a week ago she was asking me to ask her to marry her, and spend our lifes together, and that she doesn't want any of this to change! to then do this, that's just broken me... she may just be in a bad mood, i know its her time of month and all... but if it goes the way it looks like, then i wont be around to see any of it! when i got to work, just before i started i sent her a text asking what was wrong cos it was just hurting too much.... they are as follows...
James: Is there something wrong with us? U didn't say 2 words to me all day! i really love you x
Georgie: its not workin out xXx
James: Then why not speak to me about it? i dnt want to loose you, id do anything for you! just last week you said the same to me, u saying its all been a lie?
So there... she then didnt reply, but im speaking to her now online, she said she ran out of credit so?
the msn convo is as follows
James says:
whats going on? why didnt you reply?
Georgie says:
i have no texts left
James says:
ohh
Georgie says:
yerr
Georgie says:
:s
Georgie says:
sucks
James says:
so?
James says:
whys it not working out?
Georgie says:
coz i like to fuck around
Georgie says:
and it's killing me
James says:
so the whole "i really love you" and "i want you to marry me" and the "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" . all that was bullshit then?
Georgie says:
haha
Georgie says:
No
Georgie says:
It was just that i was in a lovey dovey mood
James says:
you dont say you want to devote your life to one guy and spend the rest of your life with him just cos your in a lovey dovey mood
Georgie says:
actually i do... that's my problem
James says:
:'(
James says:
you dont have a clue how much pain im in right now do you?
Georgie says:
you have no idea...
Georgie says:
In case you havent noticed
Georgie says:
i've been crying all day
Georgie says:
and having to take walk
Georgie says:
*s
Georgie says:
And even just now thomas came over for 2hrs
Georgie says:
coz i keep crying
Georgie says:
:'(
Georgie says:
so yerr...
Georgie says:
James u there
James says:
yeah
James says:
i dont know what to say
Georgie says:
just say whatever
Georgie says:
I'm in a mellow mood
Georgie says:
so i can take most abuse
So yeah... I don't know what do do! it would be so easy just to end it right now! and its not like i don't know how to do it painlessly... just fall to sleep James...
yeah OK, i know my old promises, but fuck them all... my life isn't worth living without her in it. She means to world to me... scrap that... she is my world! I wont do anything yet, i promised woodzy i wouldn't on the phone just now... so OK, not yet then... but who knows!
now for the last part of my last ever blog... a poem.. my last ever one... dedicated to the only woman i love!
What hurts even more is that not a week ago she was asking me to ask her to marry her, and spend our lifes together, and that she doesn't want any of this to change! to then do this, that's just broken me... she may just be in a bad mood, i know its her time of month and all... but if it goes the way it looks like, then i wont be around to see any of it! when i got to work, just before i started i sent her a text asking what was wrong cos it was just hurting too much.... they are as follows...
James: Is there something wrong with us? U didn't say 2 words to me all day! i really love you x
Georgie: its not workin out xXx
James: Then why not speak to me about it? i dnt want to loose you, id do anything for you! just last week you said the same to me, u saying its all been a lie?
So there... she then didnt reply, but im speaking to her now online, she said she ran out of credit so?
the msn convo is as follows
James says:
whats going on? why didnt you reply?
Georgie says:
i have no texts left
James says:
ohh
Georgie says:
yerr
Georgie says:
:s
Georgie says:
sucks
James says:
so?
James says:
whys it not working out?
Georgie says:
coz i like to fuck around
Georgie says:
and it's killing me
James says:
so the whole "i really love you" and "i want you to marry me" and the "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" . all that was bullshit then?
Georgie says:
haha
Georgie says:
No
Georgie says:
It was just that i was in a lovey dovey mood
James says:
you dont say you want to devote your life to one guy and spend the rest of your life with him just cos your in a lovey dovey mood
Georgie says:
actually i do... that's my problem
James says:
:'(
James says:
you dont have a clue how much pain im in right now do you?
Georgie says:
you have no idea...
Georgie says:
In case you havent noticed
Georgie says:
i've been crying all day
Georgie says:
and having to take walk
Georgie says:
*s
Georgie says:
And even just now thomas came over for 2hrs
Georgie says:
coz i keep crying
Georgie says:
:'(
Georgie says:
so yerr...
Georgie says:
James u there
James says:
yeah
James says:
i dont know what to say
Georgie says:
just say whatever
Georgie says:
I'm in a mellow mood
Georgie says:
so i can take most abuse
So yeah... I don't know what do do! it would be so easy just to end it right now! and its not like i don't know how to do it painlessly... just fall to sleep James...
yeah OK, i know my old promises, but fuck them all... my life isn't worth living without her in it. She means to world to me... scrap that... she is my world! I wont do anything yet, i promised woodzy i wouldn't on the phone just now... so OK, not yet then... but who knows!
now for the last part of my last ever blog... a poem.. my last ever one... dedicated to the only woman i love!
My hearts shattered
Broken in despair
When all I did is love her
And all I did is care
She said she really loved me
And then so goes like this
I cant stand the pain she caused
When she didn't hug or kiss
The moments that we had together
Were nothing I could compare
But now shes gone and I am down
This pain I cannot bare
So tonight I say goodbye to you
To her and everyone
She said it wasn't working out
Wee now I guess shes won
Broken in despair
When all I did is love her
And all I did is care
She said she really loved me
And then so goes like this
I cant stand the pain she caused
When she didn't hug or kiss
The moments that we had together
Were nothing I could compare
But now shes gone and I am down
This pain I cannot bare
So tonight I say goodbye to you
To her and everyone
She said it wasn't working out
Wee now I guess shes won
Monday, 1 December 2008
25 days
so we all know im the grinch when it comes to christmas, but for some reason this year it might actually be enjoyable, and thats mainly down to Georgie! Its the first time ive ever had a girlfriend over christmas, and yes, i know ive spent way too much on her, but shes damn well worth it! She said it makes her feel like im buying her, and i dont want her to feel like that, but ever since the age of 12, your own father beating you up on christmas eve tends to make every christmas after that a bad memory, and i want to make this one with Georgie special, and i do that by buying things, and if i want to spend my money on the one and only person who can make me this happy, then i will!
I also have to find her something for her birthday which is on the 20th! Im not sure what to get, and the things shes said she wants, i already have as chrsitmas presents! so will need to think hard about it! I will work something special out!
as with other things, ive found out my 2 exams are on the 15th and 19th, and hopefully i wont have failed this semester, i cant afford to resit it again, if the let me! as with work, we finally got rid of our cleaners and now have to do it all ourselves... but Ben is really starting to piss me off, hes so lazy! and he thinks he knows how to manage a small pub when in reality he hasnt got a fucking clue!
I still cant stop thinking bout Georgie... i love her so damn much! every second im not with her hurts me and i wanna spend the rest of my life with her! i just dont want to rush things, even with all the "hints" shes giving me! i need some time to sort my life out, and im not proposing to her until i can afford to settle down and buy her a sparkling ring :p
anyway... Georgie is hopefully staying round mine tomorrow night, and she stayed round friday night and its so nice when shes here, and not just because of the sex! just being with her, cuddling as we watch a film, its peaceful and makes me feel like nothing in the world could make me upset... Shes my drug, and im addicted to her!
im not gonna keep talking bout her!... ok, yeah i am... I love her too much!!!!
SUZIE LOVES PUG.....
Peace
I also have to find her something for her birthday which is on the 20th! Im not sure what to get, and the things shes said she wants, i already have as chrsitmas presents! so will need to think hard about it! I will work something special out!
as with other things, ive found out my 2 exams are on the 15th and 19th, and hopefully i wont have failed this semester, i cant afford to resit it again, if the let me! as with work, we finally got rid of our cleaners and now have to do it all ourselves... but Ben is really starting to piss me off, hes so lazy! and he thinks he knows how to manage a small pub when in reality he hasnt got a fucking clue!
I still cant stop thinking bout Georgie... i love her so damn much! every second im not with her hurts me and i wanna spend the rest of my life with her! i just dont want to rush things, even with all the "hints" shes giving me! i need some time to sort my life out, and im not proposing to her until i can afford to settle down and buy her a sparkling ring :p
anyway... Georgie is hopefully staying round mine tomorrow night, and she stayed round friday night and its so nice when shes here, and not just because of the sex! just being with her, cuddling as we watch a film, its peaceful and makes me feel like nothing in the world could make me upset... Shes my drug, and im addicted to her!
im not gonna keep talking bout her!... ok, yeah i am... I love her too much!!!!
SUZIE LOVES PUG.....
Peace
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