my last ever post... ever!

Just when i thought i might actually enjoy a Christmas! She does this to me! Georgie spent the night at mine last Monday, it was great, everything it always is with her! she even cried she was THAT happy... well now im crying, and not for being happy. I was meant to meet her on Thursday, but my nan made me go shopping with her and then she made me do the Christmas decorations, which still arnt finished. so i rang her, and explained etc and she was fine and said we would see each other on saturday... the thing is, i didnt hear from her til this morning, nothing, and when i get a text, no i love you or i miss you etc like she usually does, and when i get into town, and finally see her, i hug her and she doesnt hug back, she says shes going to westgate and says "yeah, sure you do" ... thats not the sort of reply you give your boyfriend when he says i love you after not seeing him in 4 days! thats basically all she said to me all day, no hugs, no kisses, not even a glance in my direction. along with the migraine i had before i got to town that just made me feel even worse! its like my world has ended!

What hurts even more is that not a week ago she was asking me to ask her to marry her, and spend our lifes together, and that she doesn't want any of this to change! to then do this, that's just broken me... she may just be in a bad mood, i know its her time of month and all... but if it goes the way it looks like, then i wont be around to see any of it! when i got to work, just before i started i sent her a text asking what was wrong cos it was just hurting too much.... they are as follows...

James: Is there something wrong with us? U didn't say 2 words to me all day! i really love you x

Georgie: its not workin out xXx

James: Then why not speak to me about it? i dnt want to loose you, id do anything for you! just last week you said the same to me, u saying its all been a lie?

So there... she then didnt reply, but im speaking to her now online, she said she ran out of credit so?

the msn convo is as follows
James says:
whats going on? why didnt you reply?
Georgie says:
i have no texts left
James says:
ohh
Georgie says:
yerr
Georgie says:
:s
Georgie says:
sucks
James says:
so?
James says:
whys it not working out?
Georgie says:
coz i like to fuck around
Georgie says:
and it's killing me
James says:
so the whole "i really love you" and "i want you to marry me" and the "i want to spend the rest of my life with you" . all that was bullshit then?
Georgie says:
haha
Georgie says:
No
Georgie says:
It was just that i was in a lovey dovey mood
James says:
you dont say you want to devote your life to one guy and spend the rest of your life with him just cos your in a lovey dovey mood
Georgie says:
actually i do... that's my problem
James says:
:'(
James says:
you dont have a clue how much pain im in right now do you?
Georgie says:
you have no idea...
Georgie says:
In case you havent noticed
Georgie says:
i've been crying all day
Georgie says:
and having to take walk
Georgie says:
*s
Georgie says:
And even just now thomas came over for 2hrs
Georgie says:
coz i keep crying
Georgie says:
:'(
Georgie says:
so yerr...
Georgie says:
James u there
James says:
yeah
James says:
i dont know what to say
Georgie says:
just say whatever
Georgie says:
I'm in a mellow mood
Georgie says:
so i can take most abuse



So yeah... I don't know what do do! it would be so easy just to end it right now! and its not like i don't know how to do it painlessly... just fall to sleep James...

yeah OK, i know my old promises, but fuck them all... my life isn't worth living without her in it. She means to world to me... scrap that... she is my world! I wont do anything yet, i promised woodzy i wouldn't on the phone just now... so OK, not yet then... but who knows!

now for the last part of my last ever blog... a poem.. my last ever one... dedicated to the only woman i love!

My hearts shattered
Broken in despair
When all I did is love her
And all I did is care

She said she really loved me
And then so goes like this
I cant stand the pain she caused
When she didn't hug or kiss

The moments that we had together
Were nothing I could compare
But now shes gone and I am down
This pain I cannot bare

So tonight I say goodbye to you
To her and everyone
She said it wasn't working out
Wee now I guess shes won