when will it stop hurting?

honestly though... I just dont know how to feel anymore! I still love her, and it fucking hurts! The smallest things are reminding me of her, like at work, she visited me and was sat at a table, and i look at the table and it reminds me of her, and walking down the street, and every little fucking thing i do reminds me of something about her!!! I think these lyrics tell it all

I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry,
But it always comes out wrong,
I think a part of you still loves me,
Even though we're moving on.

Always, all ways I wanted us to be,
Always, all ways you and me,
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me,

Always all ways...

And I'm sorry for what happened,
But I want you there to see,
That I'm changing all my actions,
I don't wanna set you free.

Always, all ways I want to see you through
Always, all ways me and you
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me.

'Cause I'm waiting for you,
Yeah, I'm waiting for you,
Give me answers, get me through,
I will wait...

Always, all ways I wanted us to be,
Always, all ways you and me,
And I wait here on my own,
And I wait for you to see,
All the time I spend alone now won't comfort me.

'Cause I'm waiting for you,
And I'll wait here for you,
Give me answers, give me through,
I will wait...

'Cause I'm waiting for you,
Yeah I'm waiting for you,
Give me answers, get me through,
I will wait...

Always, all ways

I keep playing that song, it wasnt ours, and i never played it around her, but... you know...

I've just lost all feeling, Ive gone numb inside. And seeing her so happy with "him" just makes it even more painful. The way shes changed her myspace name and pic, and her msn name, and the removing of some stuff on hey myspace and bebo and whatnot... Its all just boiling up inside of me and i dont know whats gonna happen when it releases. I know my promise, and I'm trying to keep to it, i swear!

NOthing much else is happening in my life! Ive decided that im failing university, and need to decide if i should buckle down and actually start doing some work, or fuck it all and work full time. Both have their benefits and their downfalls, and in this state I dont want to make any rash decisions. Plus, with work i have been offered the assistant manager's position, yet again, so i just dont know!

My sleeping pattern is fucked, i been smoking alot more, and ive lost connection to alot of friends over the past week! Yeah, when you see me I look like im fine, well its all total bullshit! inside im broken, and its not gonna fix itself over night! She's torn me apart, and i feel worse then death at the moment!


And todays tunage is...... Lostprophets - Always All Ways (Apologies, Glances and messed up chances)