and the shit continues

Hey, Its Bank Holiday Monday, just dropped Laura off at the train station, and i feel like shit! Im just fed up with EVERYTHING! with laura, with work, with uni, with family, with money problems, with my nan, with every tiny little part of my pathetic life... I just dont know what to do any more!

As much as I love laura, every time she comes up to visit, which is near on every week or two, I just feel that i cant be myself, and chill out. I dont go into town to meet my friends, my nan constantly moans at me, my cigarettes last only half as long, which means i have to end up borrowing money, which i get moaned at about even more, and all my money seems to disappear! admittedly, im not taking her for meals etc, shes paying for them, at least for the last few months. Its just... oh I dont know... she doesnt show she loves me, Im one of those clingy people, I like just laying in bed cuddling, holding hands, kissing, and I mean prperly kissing, not the laura kissing which is just a peck on the lips, the lack of sex, gone well over 2 months now... and the distance doesnt help anything! and every time shes up here shes got something wrong with her. Yeah I know shes proberly going through alot, shes back on anti-depressants etc, but I dont need to hear about it every week, I've got my own problems to sort out.... Theres so much more i could go on about, but i just cant be bothered any more...

With work its not so bad, Its like when me and Rahim had the fight never happened... and all is good, give or take the new assisstant manager. He's taken over lou's job, and I'm sorry but hes shit. He's a good barman, but hes really lazy and has never had a supervisors job before, let alone assisstant manager, he cant take a joke half the time, and is just generally not cut out for the job! I should of taken the damn job offer!!! It would of gotten me away from my nan and out of this stupid mess!

Saying that... life isnt bad at home, all my bills are paid for, and internet, telephone, food etc is all free, its just the incandessent, constant moaning at every single thing i do! With my depression at an all time low, I dont need my nan moaning at me 24/7

Money wise, Im only £200 over my £1000 overdraft! and I still got £1500 on my debt to pay! plus what I owe my nan for the previous god knows how many years! but everything else is fine, give or take the lack of money! gonna go look for a well paid job, dont care what its doing!

Hmm... lets see about uni... got a meeting tomorrow with Anne Becker, shes the head of department for my course, and will be discussing about what happens because Ive definitly failed this year, not that I've told any of my family, or my nan! I'm hoping to resit over summer, or at least take the failed modules along side the second year. Im just not sure! well we will see what happens tomorrow!

There really is so much more i could moan about, i just dont have the energy to continue, so Im signing out and crashing!

Peace