Something is going on between me and Laura, but I havent got a clue what it is... When Im around her I get this feeling, Its like im not even in the damn room, and its driving me crazy! Over the past two days, shes only kissed me four times, twice today, and twice yesterday, and two of those times was because she wanted me to do something for her. They werent even kisses... not really... just pecks on the lips! Even worse, me, laura, lottie and stacey were all outside the backgarden at alans and chatting etc.. and they all start laughing about how i kiss... no way in hell would i go round talking about her to my mates like that. Let alone, laughing about it with my sister and my best mate in front of me! IT really pissed me off!
Apart from that, we've had no time, what so ever, alone together. Its really starting to fucking piss me off! This relationship is meant to be me and laura, not me, laura, lottie, alan, stacey and AJ. me and laura never do anything together. And when i do try to plan anything its "but what about lottie" or "oh im doing this" or "im doing that". Yeah, ok, its the longest Ive ever been in a relationship. 10 weeks today, so go me, but it doesnt feel like we are in a relationship!
I know, she only moved to oxford yesterday, and she needs time to settle down, but she hasnt even bloody well hugged me! Ive had more hugs and kisses from lottie then I have my own fucking girlfriend! Its really getting me down, and it doesnt help with the depression, and then laura or lottie notices it, and they want to know why im down, and im not about to turn to lottie and say "its because of you" or tell laura "its because lottie is always around". That would put them in a really bad mood, and after the other day (see previous post) It all feels like its gonna go tits up! and i dont know if i could cope if i lost laura. I mean emotionally! it would kill me, and Im tempted now to go hang myself, yet again, let alone if it ended between me and laura. She is, literally, the only reason Im still here at the moment!
Well, on the good news... ummm... have to think.... only 2 weeks left at college, so thats good! just hope I pass! also applied for a bar job at the black horse, so that would be great if i get the job! Thats really the only good news at the moment! To hell with this life! I really need to do something about it, but its not like i can say anything without pissing someone off! damn it all to hell!
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